How To Ruin an NFL Franchise In Ten Years

                                                   YEAR ONE

     You start by firing the well-respected, championship building GM after your first full season as the team's owner. You've just won the toughest division in football and the team made its first playoff appearance in seven seasons. All signs are pointing that the once proud franchise is on the march toward another Lombardi Trophy the next season.

                                                  YEAR TWO

     Then before the end of the second season, with the team owning a 7-6 record and fighting for its playoff chances, you bounce out the head coach, because he talks back to you. But you make league history in the process: no head coach had ever been fired with a winning record during the regular season. And it hasn't happened since.

                                                 YEAR THREE

     And you think it couldn't get any worse? You go out and hire the Bobby Cox of the NFL.The season starts out with the team going 0-5. Then they go on a 5 game winning streak to get back to .500 (another NFL first) . But you're not happy, and impatient, and you fire the coach.

                                                 YEAR FOUR

     After firing one of the most successful head coaches in NFL regular season history, you go out and try to make a splash. You decide that since a coach is one of the most successful coaches in the history of college football, he'd make a great NFL coach . With that singular thought in mind you decide to pay him an NFL record salary too (5 years/$25 million). The coach decides he wants to get some of his old college players to run his offense, and the result? Laughter followed by a disaster.

                                                 YEAR FIVE    

      It's amazing! You've managed to hold on to a coach longer than one season. Of course with the money you're paying him he better stick around. But the coach, who's more into golf than dealing with personnel matters, doesn't mind that you're your best friend and chauffer (that's weird) is running the front office  After yet another disaster (5-11) the old coach decides its time to get back to campus and tucks tail and runs to South Carolina- but never admits he was in over his head.

                                                  YEAR SIX

      Rather than trying to move forward with the franchise, you decide to go back in the past. Somehow you've convinced a legendary coach, who most think is past his prime, to come back into the league. The coach's first season was a challenging one, seeing as he had to rid the roster of a lot of former Gators. He manages to get the team to 6-10, but the future looks promising.

                                                YEAR SEVEN

       You did it! It only took seven seasons, but you're back in the playoffs. It seems the Hall of Famer still has it after all. And you win on the road in the first round, but lose in the second the eventual conference champion. I bet you think it's all figured out now don't you?

                                                YEAR EIGHT

      Well it seems that all your money spent on offensive talent didn't translate to the defense. Your team blew leads late in games and stumbled to a 5-11 finish. This is not the way to build consistency as the defense has gone from 7th in the NFL to an abyssmal 29th. Maybe the next season things will get better.

                                                 YEAR NINE

     Somehow the Hall of Famer pulls off one of his greatest coaching accomplishments ever. After a tragedy in which a team leader is brutally murdered, your team responds and makes it into the playoffs- truly a remarkable feat. The Hall of Famer has grown tired, and heads back down south to watch over his racecars and you're left with a pretty good team- all it needs is a coach of Hall of Famer's caliber. Money is not an object kid, you have a blank check.

    As you look around the landscape of coaching candidates, you realize something. There isn't a whole lot out there. On one hand you've got the dude that led the Giants to the Super Bowl a few years ago- he's fiery and an offensive-minded kind of guy. Then on the other hand you've got the short guy that sustained the Niners success, but got jobbed by their owner and exiled himself in, Detroit, I think? Either one would be a great choice, they're proven winners. Sign the check young man!

                                                 YEAR TEN

     So you failed to hire Giants dude, I think he's doing radio or something now. And you didn't fare any better with the little short guy, think his name's Mooch, now he's on TV. You did hire an offensive coordinator for your head coach to be named later though. Not a bad move, assemble a staff and have the head coach act as CEO and help your best friend out by drafting guys and signing free agents and stuff like that. But you can't find a head coach to be named later anywhere and you promote the offensive coordinator- who kinda looks like a grown up Beaver Cleaver, but he sure is a nice guy.

     Nice guy starts his first season out at 6-2. You're thinking playoffs, the fans are happy (for once), and you look like a genius for hiring Beaver. But then something happens. That guy you pay to run with the football gets hurt and your season is in the tank. You finish at 8-8 and miss out on the playoffs, again. But things aren't too bad right?

     Well they are bad. And you and your best friend decide to strip Beaver, even though he's a really nice guy, of his play-calling responsibilities. You bring in an old dude, who's most recent job was calling out bingo numbers- to call plays. Beaver's not happy, a lot of players are getting hurt on the field, and it seems the team is losing focus.

     So that's how you do it? After 10, well more like 11, seasons you've been to the playoffs three times and have managed to win one playoff game. You've had more head coaches than playoff appearances. And you've had a higher turnover rate than Congress. What will the next decade hold for you buddy?