Larry's Losers in the SEC: Special Bowl Game Edition

Larry BurtonSenior Writer IDecember 11, 2009

Last week Baccardi and I celebrated our perfect picks, uh, well pick. We tried to tell everyone that an elephant never forgets and the Crimson ones didn't forget who they owed for stopping last season's trip to the BCS game.

If revenge truly is a dish best served cold, then Tebow's tears turned to snowflakes on the way to the ground because the 'Bama boys served up a heap of it on the Gators.

But now the SEC is settled and we are all once big family again, so it's time to pull together as one and root one another on to victory.

Baccardi and I have gained five pounds this past weekend working out the smart cookie recipe for the bowl games and this English Walnut cookie seems to be the one that can keep the balls bouncing toward a seasonending perfect prognostic performance.

So let's tackle the final games of the season in order of the bowls:

Dec 27thMusic City BowlNashville, Tn.Kentucky vs Clemson

Rich Brooks brings his Kentucky Kitties to a record fourth straight bowl appearance and his foe in that country singin' city will be Dabo Swinney and his Clemson claw foots in what's sure to be a good cat right.

Wildcats versus Tigers, boy the fur will fly. Dabo's boys include a fleetfooted runner named Spiller and he plans to spill a little disappointment on the Kentucky 'Cats.

Rich Brooks is hopin' the SEC's dominance over the ACC can continue one more time, but they came in limpin' at the end of the season.

This could be a goodi,e but a Tiger outweighs a Wildcat by more than a few pounds and Baccardi agrees that when in doubt, go with the big cat. Larry's loserKentucky

Dec. 28thIndependence BowlShreveport, La.Georgia vs Texas A&M

Here's a matchup of one team proud to make a bowl and one grumbling over being in this one. If you're an SEC team and in this bowl, it means you've just snuck in and won the Boobie Prize.

Mark Richt will parade his pooches in this dog show against the Aggies of A&M but they ain't won any ribbons this year as the dogs have had fleas for most of the season. But Richt's seen what an good SEC team can do to this team and he aims to play follow the leader and do it again.

Now an Aggie is a farmer and they plan on pounding and planting these pooches. They gave Texas all they could handle, but then so did Nebraska.

The point is, a middle of the road SEC team will beat a middle of the road Big 12 team on most any day, and this is one of those days. Larry's loserTexas A&M

Dec. 31stChick-Fil-A BowlAtlanta, Ga.Virginia Tech vs Tennessee

The Hokies started the season with thoughts of a national title but will end the season dancing the Hokie Pokie with Lane Kiffin's Volunteers. And speaking of the volunteers, their mission was much smaller this season: improve, recruit and just make a bowl. Mission accomplished for the Vols.

The boys in orange could have changed their name from Vols to Yoyo's this season as they'll look good some weeks and stink the next. They've shot themselves in the foot as much as Kiffin has shot his mouth off and both results were bad when that happened and great when they didn't.

Frank Beamer has lost a few, but not by much this season and his Hokie Birds hope to fly South for this winter game and come home a winner. This is a game that the Beamer's boys should win, but Baccardi's got a hunch and the smart cookies are saying that Larry's Loser will be Virginia Tech.

Jan. 1st.Outback BowlTampa, Fl.Northwestern vs Auburn

Pat Fitzgerald brings the Wild Tabbies from the great frozen North to thaw out and try to thrash Gene Chizik and the orange stripped variety of felines they have at Auburn.

Northwestern has had some good wins, but they were against Big Ten teams and that's like saying you're a tough guy in kindergarten and Baccardi says these are the tamest cats in the bowl schedule this season.

Gene Chizik has tried to get these kitties back on the cover of Cat Fancy magazine but he's run into a few problems this year, and all of them had SEC jerseys on their backs. But this is one game where the conference logo on the opponent will be Big Ten so Larry's loser will undoubtedly be Northwestern.

Jan. 1st.Capitol One BowlOrlando, Fl.Penn State vs LSU

One of mine and Baccardi's favorite coach, Joe Paterno brings his Lions South to stage yet another cat fight with Les Miles and his Cajun Kitties.

Joe Pa didn't have quite the year he wanted this year. This was a year that many thought might bring a Big Ten Championship back to Happy Valley, but Iowa and Ohio State ended up being Lion tamers and claimed the spoils.

Les Miles also had a disappointing season and is looking to finish with a 10win season, but they've been tripped up by good teams and fast clocks. Judging from the last game, Miles has taught his tabbies to tell time and that should be enough to make Larry's loserPenn State

Jan. 1st.Sugar BowlNew Orleans, La.Florida vs Cincinnati

Brian Kelly's Cincy Kitties are coming to a big BCS bowl to play the swamp reptiles from Florida and neither are happy campers to be in this bowl. The Bearcats think they should be in Pasadena and the Gators are just as upset they're not there too.

Florida is coming off an elephant stomping that took away a shot to defend their championship title and these Gators are hoping to take that anger and give it all to the Bearcats.

Cincy believes they should be playin' in a bigger venue and that their undefeated season means they should playing someone tougher than a one loss team, but they'll soon find out that they bit off more than they could chew in this one and following this game, they could lose not only their perfect season, but their coach as well. Larry's loserCincinnati

Jan. 2ndPapajohns.comBirmingham, Al.South Carolina vs Connecticut

This is one bowl that proves the games after Jan. 1 aren't all big ones. Steve Spurrier is hopin' to cock spur the Huskies that Randy Edsall is herding into Birmingham. Only Shreveport and the Independence Bowl makes this place look good.

Though both these teams have had their low points to wind up in Birmingham, they have also had some high points too and this could actually be a fun game to watch.

These Huskies can pull a sledfull of points into most of their games and Edsall is hopin' to start an race that mere chickens can't keep up with.

But the Old Ball Coach knows a good defense can slow down even the fastest dog and these roosters know how to peck and spur as good as any fightin' chickens this side of Tijuana. And even though Baccardi hates to see a good dog go down, he agrees that Larry's loser will be Connecticut.

Jan. 2ndCotton BowlDallas, Tx.Mississippi vs Oklahoma State

Houston Nutt returns to bring his raging Rebels to Dallas to face the cowboy posse led by Sheriff Mike Gundy and the bullets are sure to fly in this one.

Jevan Snead has shown he can sling pistols or footballs with the best of them and last year he shot down the man who was thought to be the fastest gun in the Big 12. Nutt is aiming to have the same results again by having that same gunslinger aim just as good this year.

The Cowboys need this game for a 10win season, and they are counting on gettin' all the boys patched up by game time and ready for the big gun fight in this Taj Mahal of an OK Coral, the Dallas Cowboy's new palace.

The Oklahoma variety cowboys may feel at home playing in the Dallas Cowboy's house, but Jevan has done claimed this bowl as his own and nobody feels more at home than he will. Larry's loserOklahoma State.

Jan. 2ndLiberty BowlMemphis, Tn.East Carolina vs Arkansas

Skip Holtz is bringing the Pirates from East Carolina down to Memphis to play the big Pigs from Arkansas, and it's a good thing it's not a home game for the pirates, because me and Baccardi can't even find East Carolina on the map.

Captain Holtz is planning on plunderin' the piggies and then havin' the biggest BBQ this side on Kansas City. His pirates have been shooting holes through most team's defenses and pilin' up the points while doing it.

But Arkansas' Bobby Petrino has the tusks on the big boars razor sharp and can repel an attack by a Conference USA Jack Sparrow wanna be. Though the Pirates put up points on most teams, this ain't most teams and Ryan Mallet will be the one with his hand in the pirate treasure for most of the day. Larry's loserEast Carolina

Jan. 7thBCS Title GameRose BowlPasadena, Ca.Alabama vs Texas

With real Rose Bowl already in the books, they've got six days to re-paint the field and re-pack the hotel rooms and Pasadena will be one packed place like never before.

Mack Brown brings his Longhorns out West to graze in the fertile Pasadena pastures where the flowers usually grow, fatten up and come home with best of show ribbon and a crystal football from the BCS.

Texas fans figure that Colt McCoy can lead the herd through the Alabama defense, but Rolando McClain and his fellow Crimson Tiders think they can herd cattle as well as any cowpoke.

The real difference in the game is which Texan can aim his six gun for six points the best. McCoy may think he's the real McCoy, but McElroy is the only real Texan without an L in the right hand column.

Nick Saban could become legendary for winning a national title at his second university, and he feels this could be the best team he's ever coached and the Las Vegas bookies certainly agree.

In the end, the Tide washes away the Longhorn offense and the Big Mc of the day is named McElroy and not McCoy. Larry's loserTexas

Thank you fans for another fabulous season of football. For a late Christmas present, Baccardi and I will be back just one more time for the season wrap up finale.

While the wife and son are busy packing for a little cruise out of Puerto Rico, Baccardi is cleaning the house and waiting for his favorite house sitter to come over because even though he's very housebroken, Royal Caribbean isn't so sure he's ship broken.

So have the merriest Christmas ever, may the SEC be fruitful and the wins be multiplied. Now dog, put down that feather duster and fetch my house shoes, it's time for another smart cookie and some hot chocolate.


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