Brain-Cringing Selections: A Letter From the BCS Commissioner

Welcome to the 2009-2010 bowl season college football fans! As commissioner of the Bowl Championship Series, I have five very exciting match-ups to present.

First, some disappointing news.

Although we tried our very hardest to get them there, Florida will not be playing in the Championship game.

Instead, Alabama and Texas will battle it out in Pasadena for the right to be called BCS National Champions.

This is an epic battle of two heavyweight teams with a lot of history and a little bit of bad blood.

By "little bit," I mean just that. A little. Not a lot. Not enough to create some on-field skirmishes. Not enough for fans to heavily trash talk before the game. Not even enough for the media to go all crazy before the game.

In fact, these two teams have so little to do with each other, they had to buy each other's media guides in order to brush up on just who exactly plays for the other team.

Now, the right to be called BCS National Champions in no way means they are actual champions of the nation, so all you good folk from Fort Worth, Cincinnati, and Boise, feel free to stake your claims.

Speaking of Fort Worth, we have pitted the mighty Horned Frogs against the heavy hitting Broncos of Boise State in a Fiesta Bowl clash of titans.

Wow! How excited are you for this?! All of the intrigue of two non-BCS conference teams making BCS bowls in one match-up!

These teams have so much to prove against each other. Either team can wrap up the unofficial "Seventh Best Team" award with a win. What an amazing end to the season for those two teams.

Clinching an at-large BCS berth with it's loss to Alabama, Florida was selected to the Sugar Bowl to play non-BCS--er, BCS--conference Big East Champion Cincinnati.

The Bearcats of Ohio come off their thrilling, oh-my-god-they-missed-the-extra-point-we-are-so-gonna-win-now conference clinching game against Pitt.

The match-up is good for Cincinnati due to Florida's kicker Caleb Sturgis not exactly being Groza Award material.

Don't count out the Gators. Coming off a soul-crushing loss to Alabama and missing out on the BCS Championship game, they have a lot to play for. Like, a lot.

Oregon and Ohio State also play for a lot in this year's Rose Bowl presented by Citi.

Those are all the notes I was given on that game.

Moving on.

Our final game, the Orange Bowl, pits the mighty Hawkeyes of...uh, shoot...oh yeah, Iowa! against the Georgia Bulldogs.

What? It's Georgia Tech? We HAVE to have an ACC team?! Who made these rules?!

Plus, didn't they lose to Georgia?

Georgia finished sixth in the SEC?

That's it, I'm quitting. There should be an easier way to do a post season.