Fruits and Nuts: Which College Football program has the Most Obnoxious Fans?

Larry SnarkvilleAnalyst IDecember 7, 2009

ATHENS, GA - SEPTEMBER 27:  Georgia fan Michael Rogers has his body painted before the Alabama Crimson Tide take on the Georgia Bulldogs at Sanford Stadium on September 27, 2008 in Athens, Georgia.  (Photo by Doug Benc/Getty Images)
Doug Benc/Getty Images

What school has the Most Obnoxious Fans?

I feel qualified to give my opinion on this subject for two reasons.

The first is I've been to a lot of college football games. Not Chris Fowler-esque, but a good number nonetheless.

The second is that my pick for the Most Obnoxious Fans includes me because I'm an alumnus of my choice for numero uno: the University of Florida.

We Gator fans take great pride in an achievement as such (and after last night's SEC Championship Game, we've got to hang our hats on something!)

While many of our rival fans dress up for games (Auburn, Georgia, e.g.), Gator fans usually dress down (shorts, tee-shirts—some wet—flip-flops, etc.).

For four years our fraternity was responsible for cleaning up the stands at Florida Field after each home game. The amount of empty Jim Beam, Maker's Mark, Wild Turkey, and Jack Daniel's bottles left behind could, (if recycled and the glass smelted back down to sand) rival the Mojave in sheer surface volume.

I've had the opportunity to "observe" fans from the following schools. I'll make comments regarding my perceptions:

Florida: loud, drunk, obnoxious.... (this is a kid's show)

Georgia: probably the class of the field. Like an edgy Rhett Butler with a Scarlett O'Hara chaser.

Auburn: a poor man's UGA. Think High School Musical with booze and pom-poms.

Tennessee: a notch below Florida. Pomp, numbers, and raccoon-skin hats.

Kentucky: football fans screaming "shoot it!"

LSU: too incoherent to be legitimately considered. Put a fence around Mardi Gras...get it.

Florida State: really, really ridiculously good looking girls. The guys all look like game show host audition-eers. 

Ole Miss: a poor man's Auburn.

Miss. State: The Grapes of Wrath in Sunday best.

Alabama: think Georgia fans wanting instant replay for that "'Gah-damn' Gettysburg game."

Rutgers: Bronx cheerleaders hyped-up on grease-truck fare.

Penn State: like 107,000 at a mitten convention

Michigan: entitled, arrogant, and snooty.

Michigan State: Ohio State fans with penis envy