Top 7: Sports Played During 'Home Alone'

Top 7 Headquarters happens to be near the location of the greatest Christmas movie of all-time, Home Alone . If you have read the Top 7 for a long time, you will know this because of the occasional (many?) references to this outstanding motion picture. The Top 7 is good for one Christmas-related list each year, so this year we’re going with a Home Alone theme.

The following list is the Top 7 sports that Kevin McAllister participates in throughout the movie. Ah, you didn’t think he was involved in ONE sport, did you, much less 7!? Well you are wrong. Onto the list:

7. Gymnastics

Kevin participates in gymnastics twice—once when he must jump over the line that ends up tripping Harry and Marv as the chase him through the upstairs portion of the house (where the classic line “I’m livin’ alone! I’m livin’ alone!” also occurs), and once when he must use his balance to walk across the line over to the Murphy’s house, where he nearly gets caught before Old Man Marley levels the robbers with a shovel. Kevin walked with the grace of Mary Lou Retton.

6. Terrorizing robbers

If ESPN can show poker, setting up booby traps for burglars can be a freaking sport too, so leave me alone. You could also call it within the tradition of the Running Man. Kevin would be the Babe Ruth, Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky, and Jim Brown of this sport, only if all of them were combined into one superhero-playing sports genius.

Here is one thing that I have always wondered—Kevin can be so brilliant as to map out perfectly executed ways to seriously injure (and perhaps kill) the burglars, but he wasn’t wise enough to watch the clock so he had enough time to eat his mac-and-cheese? My guess is that this critical error is what allowed him to get caught before being saved by the old man. His energy level was down and thinking not as sharp, and it cost him.

5. Competitive Eating
Just before Kevin gets frightened off by “Angels with Filthy Souls” enough to turn it off, he is chowing down on a sundae that weighs at least four pounds. Surrounding him are empty packages of cookies, candies, and other “junk” as he watches the “rubbish.” Considering that he hadn’t discovered that he was Home Alone long before that, he had eaten enough in a short enough time to put Kabayashi to shame.

4. Mountain Climbing

Kevin’s brother Buzz’s shelf had to be at least 12 feet high. It wasn’t exactly Mt. Everest, but Kevin should be commended for getting to the summit, where he was rewarded with Buzz’s life savings. Sports bonus—the money was in a 1989 Fleer container.

One wonders if Kevin could have made more money had he searched Buzz’s Fleer cards for a Billy Ripken error. He could have then sold the Ripken for a hefty profit and had more of a budget for his robber terrorization.

3. Figure Skating

After Kevin steals the toothbrush from the store, the clerk yells “Jimmy! Stop that boy!” Kevin must run from a cop, and showcased his incredible figure skating skills. You could almost argue that it’s a winter triathlon, as he had the straight figure skating portion, the acrobatic figure skating portion, and then the run back to his house. Wouldn’t the store clerk have noticed that a creepy old man with a bandage on his hand was staring the kid down, and that’s why he ran out of the store? It doesn’t seem to add up. On another note, isn’t it crazy that Nancy Kerrigan was clubbed in the knee nearly 17 years ago?

People think bad things happen in sports now, but within the span of a year, she was clubbed in the knee and Monica Seles was freaking stabbed. If that happened now, people would be saying that the world was ending (of course, some people think it’s all over in 2012, but those people are idiots).

2. Bobsledding

Also coming up on its 15-year anniversary is the movie Cool Runnings! I never saw it, but I’ll bet that I saw the preview 17,000 times. I think that they used to play it on MTV on an endless loop. Kevin showed off his bobsledding skillset when he slid down his own stairs, which was probably a 45-degree angle. Impressive.

1. Skeet shooting

This particular sport has to make it into the top spot for two reasons. First, it occurs twice. He shoots Marv in the face and Harry in the nuts. This was not that impressive of a shot, it was at point-blank range. It was like playing Duck Hunt in the smallest room in your house. The second time was much more impressive, which is the second reason it garners the top spot—he shoots Starting Lineups into the laundry shoot.

They don’t have their jersey numbers, but one of them is clearly the Ozzie Smith, and another is definitely the Larry Bird. Happy holidays everyone!

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