A Tiger Woods Pre-Nup Complete with Performance-Based Incentives

The gossip wheel keeps on spinning, and the story keeps on getting more bizarre.

The latest news out of the Playboy Mansion, sorry, Tiger Woods’ Windermere home is that he and his wife, Elin Nordegren, are now renegotiating their prenup.

Like everything else surrounding this story, the details are unknown, and the degree of speculation varies greatly depending upon which "Tiger Woods" story on the Internet you happen to click on.   

However, most seem to be reporting the same general information—Woods will be forced to give Elin seven figures now (reports range from $1 million to $5 million to $8 million) before she even considers staying, and then a much larger sum of money if she sticks around for the next 24 months (reports range from $20 million to $30 million to $55 million).

Now, go back and read that last sentence one more time.

Is anyone else picking up on just how ridiculous this little arrangement sounds?

What does it say about Tiger Woods’ obsession with image that he’s willing to shell out as much as $55 million just to keep his "family" image together for another two years?

What does it say about Elin Nordegren that she is only willing to consider patching things up with the father of her children if there is money involved?

What does it say about this marriage when a lawyer is called in long before a marriage counselor?

Elin Nordegren might need to bring in Scott Boras to negotiate her terms, while Tiger Woods might consult George Steinbrenner on just how high he should go.

Now, no one is to blame for this mess other than Woods and his numerous “transgressions” with cocktail waitresses.

However, it sounds as if everyone involved in this has now gone off the deep end.

If you want to patch things up, sit down like normal human beings—which despite her good looks, and his ability to hit a golf ball, they still are—and work on your marriage.

If you both feel as if the past is too much to overcome—which would be completely understandable considering the fact that the “transgression” count is currently at three and counting—come to some kind of financial agreement and go your separate ways.

Yes, there are children involved, and they are going to be the ultimate victims here.

But what is a better situation for them?

Their parents couldn’t resolve their differences so they went their separate ways and are now living happy, healthy lives, or Mom has a $20 million a year contract to live under the same roof as us…and Dad is the one paying her.

Celebrities and billionaires are kooky; we have known that since Howard Hughes began locking himself in hotels rooms and peeing in glass jars.  

But my goodness, a new prenup that contains all sorts of contract incentives?

What else would be built into this deal?

For every future “transgression” Woods commits he will be required to pay Elin $20 million?

Each time Elin chases him with a golf club she’ll be fined $2 million?

Elin will earn $10 million per year for the next two years, with an option for Tiger to pick up a third year at $15 million?

Do these people have no one in their lives that can look them in the eye and say “You two have gone off the deep end. Get it together. You are two human beings, for goodness sakes?”

Evidently not.