War Machine's Follies, Rogan, TUF 10 Picks and Other Happenings

This was originally going to be a preview of the TUF 10 Finale, but I decided against it for two reasons. First, I really can't get excited to write about a bunch of fat guys showcasing lay 'n' pray tactics and winging bombs that miss by two feet.

Second, I admittedly have no idea what is about to transpire this Saturday, and this notion is confirmed when you take a look at the Kimbo vs. Houston bout. Both have KO power, both are brash inside the ring, both have limited skills on the ground, and both are not to be trusted for a damn second.

Of course, I always want to see Houston get KTFO. I have nothing against Houston, it's just that I love the way he denies he was unconscious when that was clearly the case (see James Irvin fight for details).

So instead, you're getting quick picks and a bunch of opinionated blurbs about the recent happenings in the wonderful world of MMA. Please hold your applause until the end of the column.

 - Strikeforce made another big splash today, signing fearsome kickboxer Melvin Manhoef to an exclusive multi-fight deal. The UFC has let yet another legitimate threat and unique fighter fall to Strikeforce. I can't wait for Dana White's next press conference, just to hear Dana call everybody SF just signed "overrated."

Although he's rumored to be fighting Robbie Lawler on Dec. 19 (now that's a tough "comeback" fight for Rob), I think it would be nuts to see him go at it with Dan Henderson, assuming that Hendo finalizes a SF deal, and assuming that Hendo stays at 185.

That's alot to assume, but who wins between Hendo and Melvin at 185? Would Hendo actually go for a sub here? Why not, right? Hendo is NOT a spring chicken.  Could this be the fight where he finally gets KOd? If so, heres' a prime candidate to do it.

 - Keeping it with Strikeforce, Fedor Emelianenko has two fights left on his deal, and they will almost assuredly be against Alistair Overeem and Fabricio Werdum. In other words, there goes another year of Fedor's prime. Kiss it goodbye.

 - Even though I'm on board the "Marcus Jones has potential" bandwagon, I must say, I enjoyed his work in the Green Mile much more than anything he could ever do in the Octagon.

 - If you don't think Joe Rogan's announcing chops have improved over the years...no offense, but you are insane. Repeat: INSANE. They showed Ultimate KOs Three on Spike last night, with a Botox-ridden Kerri Kasem hosting.

I wonder whatever happened to her? She was delightful. Maybe her face inexplicably split open like the Red Sea parting. 

Anyway, back in those days, Joe said like five things. It was either...

1. "He's rocked!"

2. "Those are baby four ounce gloves, Mike."

3. "When you take a hard leg kick, it's like in a video game where all your power drains down."

4. "OHHH! OH! OH! Wooooooow!"

5. "I'd describe what's going on, but I am WAY too stoned right now. Eddie Bravo had some Northern Lights Haze and you knew I was stepping in."

OK, I made that last one up. But Joe has improved sevenfold at describing ground action and stand-up action alike. I can understand why people find him inherently annoying no matter what, but he still has about 5,000 implausible metaphors to go before he even approaches Mauro Ranallo or the immortal Michael "Good night Irene!" Schiavello.

- This War Machine thing is so funny to me. I know I shouldn't make light of an unfortunate situation, but screw it, I know I'm a keyboard warrior who can't fight anyway, so why not twist the knife?

Just the fact that I legally have to call him War Machine would be laughable enough, but his attitude is even more of a joke. He wouldn't fight UFC castoff Brandon Wolff because he was "an unknown" and "tough as nails" under the old "If he beats me, he beat a big name, if I beat him, I beat a nobody" theory that has absolutely no basis in reality whatsoever.

Now, he's headlining small shows, filming porn, running from the police, and pretending that he actually has fans.

 - I really hope this World Victory Road/DREAM hybrid card comes together. Even though WVR is in dire straits financially, it'd be cool to see some of their unheralded lightweights (Mizuto Hirota, Jorge Masvidal, Kazunori Yokota) take on some of the big names from DREAM (Joachim Hansen, Shinya Aoki, Tatsuya Kawajiri).

Also, I do not want to see Kazushi Sakuraba fight again unless it's against the intellectual and physical equivalent of a box of Tide.

 Onto the picks ...

To get the semis out of the way, I think that Roy Nelson will decision James McSweeny tonight, and I see Marcus Jones having his way on the ground with Brendan Schaub, who should teach a class in grabbing the fence. Although I could see Schaub winning on the feet, I think it's Marcus and Roy in the finals.

And you know what?

Roy "Big Country" Nelson def. Marcus "Big Baby" Jones via KO, round one (I thought Roy would win when the show started, and I'm sticking with it...Big Baby is definitely intriguing, though).

Frankie Edgar def. Matt Veach via unanimous decision (expect another workmanlike performance from Edgar as he continues to climb the lightweight ladder).

Kevin "Kimbo Slice" Ferguson def. Houston Alexander via TKO, round one (even though I would not bet on it in a million kajillion years).

And...

Jon "Bones" Jones def. Matt Hamill via TKO, round two (Bones knocks off my favorite deaf fighter from Ohio and becomes a household name...can't wait for this one).

(LATE UPDATE: Big Baby decided to get knocked out in the semis, so I'm still going with Roy to decision Brendan Schaub and Big Baby to commit an evisceration on poor Matt Mitrione.)

(ANOTHER LATE UPDATE: Since Robbie Lawler is rumored to be fighting veteran Trevor Prangley, could that open the door for Manhoef-Henderson? Could it? Please?)

 UFC 106: 2-7

Combined prediction record: 21-25