Previewing a Big Weekend for College Football

It's Week 14 of the college football season, and it seems that it was only yesterday that we were talking about "heatwaves," long summer nights, and the prospects of an unbeaten Texas, Florida, and Alabama all duking it out for the national championship on the last day of the regular season.

Well, the heatwave and long summer night talk's gone, anyway.

Texas, Florida, and Alabama will find out their destiny on Saturday night, and it's been an interesting, if not particularly wonderful, season for us all.

So here we go. ... We'll go with a one word title for the games.

UNCIVIL: Oregon State vs. Oregon

Oregon and Oregon State match up on Thursday night in what will be a game for the ages.

One of the best running backs in the Pac-10 (Jacquizz Rodgers)? Check.

Loud Stadium? Check. Wonderful Oregon cheerleaders? Check.

Great mobile quarterback (Jeremiah Masoli)? Check.

Pot-smoking hippies? Check. The winner goes to the Rose Bowl? Check.

Prediction: Quack! Quack! Duck beats Beaver, and Phil Knight's hippies are happy with a seven-point victory.

PRAYER: Cincinnati vs. Pittsburgh

Cincinnati needs Texas and Florida/Alabama to royally screw up if it has a hope of making the national title game. Oh, and the Bearcats also have to stop Deon Lewis, Pittsburgh's running back, in front of a crowd that will absolutely hate them (it's a Pennsylvania vs. Ohio thing).

Prediction: Cincy wins...but will it be able to turn up to the last dance?

WOODSHED: New Mexico State vs. Boise State

If there's any team we think will truly get taken behind the woodshed this weekend, it's New Mexico State.

The Broncos aren't going to just win—they are going to win huuuuuge. But it won't matter.

If they are lucky, they get a BCS game. If they aren't, they get royally screwed. Don't you love playoff-less football?

Prediction: Boise by 41 (and then some)

BEAUTIFUL: Arizona vs. USC

Although the football has been less-than-sexy this season from both sides, it's tough to say the same about either the cheerleaders or the co-eds. God bless you, ESPN.

Prediction: Thanks to the fact I'm not there, I'll be watching some of the game. Otherwise, I'd have neck ache. USC by 14

IRRELEVANT: Cal at Washington

Both sides could have been relevant and contenders this season—especially after their fast starts (Cal was unbeaten until Oregon, Washington beat USC and got ranked), but they blew it, and now they are as irrelevant for the season, as well, Notre Dame.

Prediction: Washington wins.

FINGER: Wisconsin vs. Hawaii

How would you feel if your friend on the Badgers football team said, "Hey, see you on Monday. I'm going to Hawaii for a football game."

You'd be pissed, and probably give him the one-fingered salute, as he left for the airport while you freeze your butt off.

Students at the University of Hawaii are exceptionally lucky kids—which is why I won't be sending any of mine there!

Prediction: Wisconsin scrapes by, winning by 10.

FUN: Georgia Tech vs. Clemson

The ACC has been this season's most fun conference by far in terms of unpredictability and close games, and it works out that the winners of this crap shoot were Georgia Tech and Clemson.

Sadly, there's no form to either team—they both lost last week in rivalry games.

If Josh Nesbitt's injured, then Clemson has the upper hand—but this game's going to be like the conference this year: madness.

Prediction: Georgia Tech wins on the last game drive. You heard it here first.

LAUGHTER: Texas vs. Nebraska

People have been too nice about Nebraska this week.

We know that the defense is getting close to being one of the top in the nation, but the Huskers' losses have been horrible. Iowa State, anyone?

Texas is the nation's form team, and we can't think of anything but a double-digit victory (and an invite to the national championship) for the Longhorns.

Prediction: Texas by 21

DESTINY: Florida vs. Alabama

We'll make this abundantly clear: There hasn't been a game this big since the national championship game between Texas and USC in 2006.

This game is bigger than Tiger Woods' alleged flings, the draw for the 2010 World Cup, and quite possibly the Second Coming.

Actually, we're wrong: The Second Coming will actually happen when Tebow returns to Atlanta (we couldn't resist!).

Half of us thinks that Florida will win because of their speed, and half of us thinks that Alabama wins because of THAT defense. It's going to go to the wire.

Prediction: Florida by a field goal in a game for the ages