Classless Predictions: Giving Thanks??

Jaded: 98-43

Indignant:  81-60

Indignant: Clearly we would take the easy and cliché-ridden route this week and do Thanksgiving themed picks. I will start out by attempting to do a respectable job at picking winners while also letting each team know what they should and/or shouldn’t be Thankful for.
Happy Thanks(but no thanks)Giving everyone!


We both picked Thursday’s games about 5 minutes before the Det-GB kickoff:
Giants (6-4) at Broncos (6-4)   (both of us took the Giants)
Packers (6-4) at Lions (2-8)   (both of us took the Packers)
Raiders (3-7) at Cowboys (7-3)    (both of us took the Cowboys)



Bears (4-6) at Vikings (9-1)
Indignant: Clearly the Vikings need to be thankful for Ginko Baloba or Valutrex or whatever other combo of vitamins, Arthritis and Osteoperosis are making up the concoction that Favre is taking this year. The Bears should be thankful for Cutlers abundance of chins. Those things could provide nourishment for most of the inner-city children in America. C’mon Jay, give a little back. (Vikings)

Jaded:  I think the Vikings have a LOT to be thankful for this year.  Obvious thanks go out to Ted Thompson in Green Bay and Eric Mangini in New York, but more importantly the Vikings faithful should be thankful that Brad Childress actually figured out how to coach somewhere between the end of last season and the beginning of this one.  Through 10 games, Peterson has 205 carries and is on pace for 328 carries on the year; a FULL 10% fewer than last years pace.  This doesn’t even include possibly shutting down AP in week 17 if possible/necessary.  ‘Haters’ seem to think that Favre is due to collapse before too long but if he does the Vikings will have a much healthier AP to rely on.  As a hater of all things Minnesota, this sickens me.  Oh yeah, and the Bears should be thankful that they have so many underachieving players they don’t really have a singular person to blame.  Trust me on this one, coming from a Panthers fan, an equal division of blame is GREAT for morale.  (Vikings)


Browns (1-9) at Bengals (7-3)
Indignant: The Browns and the city of Cleveland need to be thankful for Lebron. Not because he’s going to come play tight end, but because if and when he jets to NYC or LA that city and all of it’s inhabitants will clearly be sucked into a black hole of suckitude. I really don’t think my grandchildren (please God no) will only know of Cleveland and Detroit from history textbooks Mitch Albom references. (Bengals)

Jaded:  The Browns should be thankful that Baltimore already has a team and won’t be interested in taking this stinker off their hands.  The Bengals should be thankful that the Steelers aren’t as healthy as they should be, there hasn’t been a Steeler team in the past decade that would let a team in their division get away with this BS.  (Bengals)

Buccaneers (1-9) at Falcons (5-5)
Indignant: Both of these teams should be thankful I am writing anything right now because they are both pretty, pretty uninteresting. (Falcons)

Jaded:  The Buccaneers have absolutely nothing to be thankful for.  Raheem Morris, who apparently knows nothing about football beyond chest bumps with Josh Freeman, just demoted their experienced defensive coordinator, who knows a lot about football, and may have set their team back ten years.  If he doesn’t get fired this franchise is going to have less to be thankful for over the next five years than Lindsay Lohan at a family reunion.  The Falcons, on the other hand, have a lot to be thankful for.  Alright, maybe not that much, but they should be really freaking thankful that the Saints are playing the way they are.  If the Saints didn’t lock up this division four weeks ago then Matt Ryan’s sophomore slump, Turner’s curse of 370, and the waste of the Tony Gonzalez acquisition would be a MUCH bigger deal.  It’s okay to be thankful for mediocrity when it would be impossible to achieve more.  (Falcons)


Cardinals (7-3) at Titans (4-6)
Indignant: Obviously the Titans should give thanks to Kerry Collins for (possibly) falling off the wagon and starting to suck again; in turn reminding them that Vince Young was once upon a time the best college player in the country and a playoff game winning rookie QB. They should also be thankful that he’s decided to revert to his pre-batshit crazy phase. (Titans)

Jaded:  The Titans need to thank the 23 teams that passed on Chris Johnson in the 2008 NFL Draft. Chris Johnson should probably that he has Barry Sanders to take lessons from.  You’re too good Chris, don’t be the next great running back to NEVER have a legitimate chance to win a Super Bowl.  Take less money and get the hell out of dodge when it’s contract time.  Thank me for the advice with a few % points of that contract when it comes.  The Cardinals?  The Cardinals should be thankful that they have one of the original members of the Plymouth Rock meeting recovering from concussions quicker than the Mayflower found Boston.  (Titans – riding them for the sake of a good football sweat) 


Chiefs (3-7) at Chargers (7-3)
Indignant: The Chargers players’ families should be thankful that Norv Turner coaches this team because they’ll always know their husbands and dads will be home by mid January. (Chargers)

Jaded:  The Chiefs should be thankful for Twitter.  Jamaal Charles should be thankful that nobody else figured out that he probably hacked LJ’s account and got him booted.  Us fantasy junkies are equally as thankful.(Chargers)

Colts (10-0) at Texans (5-5)
Indignant: The Colts should definitely be Thankful for playing at least one team (Houston) who will inevitably roll over and play dead for them twice every season. The Texans are like a battered girlfriend who keeps coming back, nursing a black eye and gleaming with optimism every few weeks. (Chris “Indianapolis Colts” Browns)

Jaded:  The Texans should be thankful that Peyton Manning doesn’t do his “idiot kicker” spiel anymore.  He’s like 16-1 against them, that’s harsh enough as it is. (Colts)


Dolphins (5-5) at Bills (3-7)
Indignant: The Dolphins should be thankful for Ricky William’s change of heart, or at least his lack of a supplier these days. I really wonder what we’ll remember about Ricky Williams 20 years from now. Will it be his great college career, the tremendous hullabaloo surrounding Ditka trading his soul for his draft rights, his pro-bowl years in Miami, his suspension filled years as a pot-smoking Rastafarian holistic medicine specialist, or his resurgence? Personally I’ll always remember him as a Toronto Argonaut. (Dolphins)

Jaded:  The Bills should be thankful that Dick Jauron got canned early enough to give them a head start in Head Coach Hunt 2010.  I’m not sure what’ll be a bigger draw this summer:  where Lebron, Wade, and Bosh end up or where Cowher, Shanahan, and Homgren take over. (Dolphins)


Jaguars (6-4) at 49ers (4-6)
Indignant: As a 49ers fan I genuinely think the entire organization needs to be thankful that the American sports mainframe has completely deleted the files containing their storied history and tradition as a winning franchise. How is the NFC West continuously spat upon and degraded ( fairly) with no one ever pointing out what a shame it is that this team isn’t competitive. It’s just as bad as when Notre Dame, or the Knicks aren’t any good. . . oh wait. (49ers *homerism: why I will never have an undefeated week picking games)

Jaded:  I guess the Jaguars should be thankful that an undersized MJD has help up well in the spotlight role and Sims-Walker seems to be a legitimate deep threat to keep guys out of the box.  Did I say Jags?  I meant Jack Del Rio…I think this season saved his job.  (Jags)


Panthers (4-6) at Jets (4-6)
Indignant: Remember that battered girlfriend analogy I made earlier? Well that is almost a better fit for these two teams and their fan bases. Every year these teams and their supporters enter the seasons teeming with optimism and hope, only to be battered down my loss of hope and interceptions galore. The QB that makes less than 10 mistakes will win this game; flips a coin: (Panthers).

Jaded:  The Panthers should be thankful that Bill Cowher (by all accounts) WANTS to coach there next year.  The Sanchize should be thankful that while Rex Ryan is a moron, he at least has his wits enough about him to let this kid learn as it goes.  Rookie QBs don’t typically get better after they get pulled.  (Panthers)


Redskins (3-7) at Eagles (6-4)
Indignant: Eagles players and fans should be thankful that they have been one of the most consistently competitive teams over the past 10-15 years. They should also be Un-thankful that their coach doesn’t quite know the difference between a play clock a game clock and a vegetable. He pays no attention to any of the above. (Eagles)

Jaded:  The Redskins have absolutely nothing to be thankful for.  Jason Campbell has never had the same system to develop in for consecutive years throughout his career.  Looks like Zorn is going bye-bye this off-season and Campbell’s bad luck will continue.  Think he misses Auburn yet?  (Eagles)


Seahawks (3-7) at Rams (1-9)
Indignant: The only thing these teams would have to be thankful for would be the implosion of the stadium before halftime; ending theirs and the fans’ misery. Although after last weeks Lions-Browns game, this will probably turn out to be a down-to-the-wire barn burner with two 400 yard passers. Me trying to figure out the league this season would be like entering Jamarcus Russell in a 3rd grade spelling bee: complete bewilderment. (see even when the Raiders play earlier in the week and I don’t write about the game I can still fit in a jab at JaFattus. (Seahawks)

Jaded:  The Seahawks should be thankful that their schedule isn’t a little bit easier.  This is a bad team and they’re costing themselves draft positions every time they play a terrible team.  Is it even fair that 5 wins MIGHT put them outside the top 7??  The Rams should be thankful that Carrie Prejean will be attending all of their remaining games now that she’s dating their new starting QB.  Since when do backup QBs get all the best women? (Rams – why not?)


Steelers (6-4) at Ravens (5-5)
Indignant: Both of these teams should be very thankful that most of the media morons around the league continue to thrown them into their Super Bowl talks even though both of them pale in comparison to the teams they were last year. Do you think they have to make Big Ben his own 20 lb. turkey on Thanksgiving? (Ravens)

Jaded:  Ben should be thankful that the media isn’t calling him out on being the premadonna that he is.  If he’s had as many concussions as he wants us to think he’s had then he should in all rights be dead or stupid…wait a minute; maybe he HAS had all of those concussions… (Steelers – going for the reverse jinx here) 

Patriots (7-3) at Saints (10-0)
Indignant: The Saints will be thankful if they lose this game; so they won’t have to keep answering the “undefeated season” questions all year, and can focus on the remainder of their season and their inevitable matchup against Bret and the Minnesota Viagrakings. (Patriots)

Jaded:  The Saints are lucky that the Patriots rule the world.  If the Saints lose by 50 on Monday most people will just say it was because of the Patriots and nobody goes undefeated and a loss will inevitably help them in the long run.  If they beat the Pats it’ll be because the Pats blew it somehow.  Face it, win or lose, one way or another, everybody will be talking about the Patriots on Tuesday.  (Saints)