SEC Bowl Fortunes: Step Inside and See

"Psst, you. Yes, you. Come closer, and hear of the bowl season that is yet to pass."

Step inside a small tent. It's dark and full of fake fog. There is a small table flanked by two chairs. One is empty. The other holds a woman with a scarf covering most of her face. 

She's the one that called you in using her thick gypsy accent and Yoda-like speech. 

"It's of the SEC you wish to hear, is it not?" she asks.

"Uh..." is all you can get out before she plops you down into the chair.

The table holds a small crystal ball, which starts to fill with light as she babbles toward it. You see Tim Tebow fly past, the clock expiring for Les Miles, and all the cats and dogs you can stand. 

She says Alabama beats Auburn, and the Gators beat the Seminoles. Arkansas upsets LSU, South Carolina beats Clemson, UGA falls to the Ramblin' Wreck, the Rebels hold off the Bulldogs, and Kentucky finally climbs Rocky Top.

That means Florida wins the East, followed by UK, then South Carolina, UGA, UT, and finally Vandy. On the West side Alabama is king, then 'Ole Miss, the Hogs, LSU, War Eagle, and Miss. St.

This works out perfectly for the SEC. Ten of the 12 teams are postseason eligible. The SEC has eight bowl games, and Florida and Alabama reach the BCS, which means every team has a slot.

"Capital One Bowl chooses first and takes Mississippi. Arkansas goes to Dallas for the Cotton Bowl. Tampa and the Outback Bowl are invaded by Kentucky. LSU heads to the Chick-fil-A Bowl," she gasps at you.

"OK then..." you say as casually as you can, but before you finish that thought, she is at it again.

"Georgia goes to the Music City Bowl. Steve Spurrier reaches the Papa John's Bowl. Auburn heads to the Liberty Bowl, and Tennessee takes the Independence Bowl. As I say it is so, it shall be so!" she screams.

This is the point in time that you get out of the chair and briskly leave her to cackle alone.

"Great, now I have to hear that voice every time I watch a bowl game," you say as you shudder and hurry home to catch the SEC title game.