Bears-49ers Preview: Defenseless Victims

Jeffrey BoswellAnalyst INovember 12, 2009

SANTA CLARA, CA - MAY 01:  Head coach Mike Singletary of the San Francisco 49ers talks with the media during the 49ers Minicamp at their training facilities on May 1, 2009 in Santa Clara, California.  (Photo by Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images)
Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

The NFL Network’s first game this season features two teams quickly becoming afterthoughts in the playoff conversation. The Bears are 4-4 after a 41-21 home loss to the Cardinals, while the 49ers are 3-5.

“The Bears can’t stop the pass,” says Mike Singletary, “and we can’t stop the run. And the Village People Can’t Stop The Music . There was no rapping linebacker in that group, which is unfortunate for me, because I’ve always fancied myself in a flowing neckerchief.

“Now, if you’re aware of my coaching style, you know that I’ve got to be a macho man. Hopefully, that attitude will rub off on my players, because we really need to be physical to win.”

In a losing effort, Jay Cutler had a big day against Arizona, throwing for 369 yards and three touchdowns. The Bears had to abandon the run early after falling behind 31-7, so it wasn’t the type of big numbers Cutler desired.

“I think there’s a name for a game like that,” says Cutler. “It’s called ‘Cut And Pasted.’ When you dig yourself a hole early, there’s not much else you can do except fight to get out of it. If that entails throwing exclusively on every down, or sucker-punching a defenseless Cardinal, then so be it.

“Interestingly enough, in that game, there was one defenseless Cardinal and eleven defenseless Bears.”

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Chicago wins 23-22.