Jimmie Johnson: The Sharks Can Smell the Blood in the Water!

No I don’t mean other drivers; I’m talking about you, the fans.

I could swear I felt the floor under me shake when Jimmie Johnson crashed. It probably was all those well-wishers jumping up and down in joy about the No. 48 misfortune.

It felt like an 8.0 on the Richter scale.

I’m sure it was right after they knew he was all right, not hurt after all—my God, fans do have a heart.

Don’t they?

Sure they do!

The shame of it all is, well, let's just say “all in vain, folks,” as the Chase has been over for a while now.

Oh, I know you're getting all pumped up again and you're thinking about getting all your flags and hats and T-shirt out from the boxes your stored them in a few weeks ago.

But before you do, remember how hard it was for you to pack all that stuff. You know your JR championship shirt that said “2009 SPRINT CUP CHAMP”? Yeah, I know, he wasn’t in the Chase, but I bet you still had one.

How about that Mark Martin vintage hat you had from 20 year ago? Hey, just keep that in storage, it may be worth some money in a few years.

And we can’t forget that No. 24 zillion champion Jeff Gordon. You know, the one who made the suggestion not to race in the turns at Talladega.

You know, the move that made that race the most exciting or the quickest fan exit acceleration event race of the season. Don’t know what that means, but take your pick.

There is no wrong answer, so feel free to take one.

Anyway, you probably want top take out that famous No. 24 jacket.

Look, dear friend, if you're in the east or Midwest—please, just get ready for winter, make sure all your doors and windows are weather-sealed, clean your furnace...well, you know the drill.

Don’t drink the Kool-Aid, folks; don’t buy the spin. It’s over; it’s been over from “Gentleman, start your engines” at the beginning of the Chase.

What happened today is not going to happen again.

Jimmie Johnson got his DNF for the Chase.

So forget about it! In Tony Soprano style.

And, please, if you have an outside dog who lives in an unheated garage, take him inside or get a heater for that garage—it is going to be a cold winter.

Especially for the JJ haters.

God loves you, and so do I.

Congratulations, JJ, on your fourth championship. I’m not a huge fan of yours, but you are the man in this sport. I’m dumb, but not too dumb to recognize that.

Again: You the man and there ain’t nobody else in the last four years!