Liver's 2009 NFL Week Nine Picks

Why is it that most of life’s problems CAN be solved with money?

If you’re having emotional problems, you can afford therapy. If you’re having romantic problems, you can rent a hooker.

If you’re having physical problems, you hire a trainer and get in shape.

If I EVER meet the asshole that said, “Money can’t buy happiness,” I’m gonna break my empty bottle of Glenlivet over his throat.

Then again, if you’re a gambling junkie AND you have money, you can always afford ONE more game.

Speaking of hookers, Dallas police said this week that they expect the number of prostitutes in the region to sharply rise for this February's NBA All-Star game and again for the 2011 Super Bowl XLV, both of which will be held at Cowboys Stadium in Arlington. Whatever helps the economy, I say.

Of course it goes without saying that the following picks AGAINST THE SPREAD are for RECREATIONAL USE ONLY .

Only Rick Pitino, LeGarrette Blount, Donte’ Stallworth, Braylon Edwards, Bob Griese, Miguel Cabrera, Tila Tequila, Steve Phillips, Travis Henry, Serena Williams, Michael Jordan, Tony Romo, Richard Heene (a.k.a. Balloon Boy’s father), the Liver’s biological father (a.k.a. The Most Interesting Man in the World) and all Somali Pirates would be drunk enough to question the Esteemed Liver's picks.

Last week’s record: 9-4

2009 record against the spread:   71-44-1 (.612)

Sunday, November 8

Washington at Atlanta (-10)
Expect Atlanta to break their two-game skid against this poor excuse of a Redskins team and reestablish themselves in the NFC wild card hunt. I see this being a thorough destruction by an angry Falcons team. Pick: Atlanta

Arizona at Chicago (-3)
Can you think of two more inconsistent teams in the NFC that play great one week then look terrible the next? Chicago comes off an easy win against the Browns. What win against the Browns isn’t?

Meanwhile, Arizona is coming off an ugly loss to a bad Carolina team that saw Kurt Warner throw five picks. Whichever team can establish a run game here probably wins. Arizona has actually played better on the road (3-0) then at home (1-3) this year. Pick: Arizona

Baltimore at Cincinnati (+3)
The time is now for the Bengals who are coming off a bye. They can put a stranglehold on the AFC North with wins against division rivals Baltimore this weekend and then the Steelers next week.

Wins over both would give them season sweeps over both teams and give them tie-breaker edges as well. Baltimore comes off a dominating win over Denver and needs this game in order to stay close to the Bengals and Steelers.

If Cedric Benson can duplicate what he did to the Ravens defense in their earlier meeting back in Week 5, the Bengals should be in good shape.

The Ravens should be confident going into this game but Cincinnati GETTING points at home seems too good to pass up. Pick: Cincinnati

Kansas City at Jacksonville (-7)
This should be a superb waste of time. Kansas City is awful and Jacksonville is mediocre at best.

Maybe Jack Del Rio should put another tree trunk and axe in the Jags locker room. Then again, it didn’t help much last season.

Matt Cassel might have some time to throw on the Jags shaky pass rush. Pick: Kansas City

Miami at New England (-10½)
With the Jets and Bills floundering right now, this is an excellent chance for the Dolphins to get back into the AFC wild card race. The Wild Cat was brought out against the Patriots early last season and has been hard to stop since.

It’s tough not to go with the Patriots after a bye though. Still, I see Miami keeping SOMEWHAT close here. Pick: Miami

Green Bay at Tampa Bay (+10)
Tampa Bay is now the worst team in the NFL as the Rams got their first and, most likely, only victory against the Lions last week. There will be some interest in how rookie QB Josh Freeman performs in his first start for the Bucs.

Meanwhile, the Packers can only play for the wild card after officially being knocked out of the NFC North last week by the Vikings. That pass protection for Aaron Rodgers is an insult and he could start showing signs of the weekly beatings he takes before long.

Still, he has played his best against the worst teams on the Packers schedule. Add the rookie QB starting his first game and I gotta lay these points. Pick: Green Bay

Houston at Indianapolis (-9)
If Houston is to be taken seriously, they have to win this game otherwise the AFC South crown will belong to the Colts.

The Texans, however, have only beaten the Colts once in franchise history having lost 13 of 14 all-time match-ups to their divisional rival. With Owen Daniels out, expect the Colts to zero in on Andre Johnson and not allow him to beat them on the corners.

November just might be the toughest month of the season for the 2009 Colts where they have two games against the Texans in three weeks. This just might be the biggest game in the history of the Texans.

The Colts defense is slowly starting to resemble the M.A.S.H. unit that is the Giants defense and sooner or later, they’re gonna get exposed. I like Houston here to make this a game. Pick: Houston

Detroit at Seattle (-10)
Seattle is pretty banged up but a Lions team coming to visit should help them feel better for this week anyway. The Lions took a step backward last week in that pathetic showing against the Rams.

I know laying 10 on Seattle sounds like a lot but this is still the Lions and the Seahawks actually play like a team with a pulse at home. Pick: Seattle

Carolina at New Orleans (-14 ½)
This could easily be a trap game for the Saints but I think they’re focused enough not to go to sleep on this bad Panthers team with Jake Delhomme and his walking turnover bit.

I know the Panthers played well last week but that wasn’t against what is looking to be the best team in football right now. Still for some reason…Pick: Carolina

San Diego at N.Y. Giants (-5)
Talk about two teams that need a win badly. The 5-0 start for the Giants seems like another year ago now. Their injured secondary has been getting lit up the last three weeks and the pass rush has been ineffective to put it mildly.

Eli Manning has also looked bad the last three weeks and one has to wonder whether that foot and heel is more of a problem for him then he’s admitting.

Phillip Rivers is exactly the QB that the Giants don’t want to see right now. He could make it four weeks in a row of beat downs for that secondary. The Giants do still have a great running game and that should be what keeps them in the game.

The Chargers can’t run the ball, but it might not even matter here if they can keep the Giants secondary on their heels. Pick: San Diego

Tennessee at San Francisco (-4)
Not so bad for Vince Young last week? The Titans recipe for success will always be the running game and Vince Young can at least keep defenses scrambling with his athletic ability.

The 49’ers had that game in Indianapolis but let it slip away in the fourth quarter. They should prove to be a much better opponent than what the Titans faced last week but their offense could be hindered by the loss of left tackle Joe Staley for six weeks. Pick: San Francisco

Dallas at Philadelphia (-3)

Dallas and Filthy both come in at 5-2 and atop the NFC East with the Giants sliding back the last three weeks. Dallas has looked strong during their three game win streak but Filthy is a notoriously tough place for the Cowboys to play in. Also, their wins have come against Kansas City, Atlanta and Seattle.

The only good team you take from that mix is Atlanta and they are clearly having problems right now. If Filthy can duplicate the pass rush they sent out against Eli Manning last week, Tony Romo might be in for a long night.

He has been great over the last three weeks at limiting his turnovers and will need to continue his strong play here if the Cowboys are to pull off the road win. Dallas’ shaky secondary could see some problems in the form of Jeremy Maclin and DeSean Jackson.

If LeSean McCoy’s flu keeps him out of the game, the Cowboys should be able to control a running game that would feature Brian Westbrook coming off a concussion.

That, combined with their dominance in the run game with their three-headed attack should keep the blitz-happy Filthy defense on the field for long drives. Turnovers will also be a factor here as the Eagles are plus-12 in turnover ratio. The Cowboys are minus-1.

Football becomes a lot easier when you’re creating turnovers. Bottom line is that this is still one of the most hostile places for the Cowboys to play at and Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb have pretty much owned the Cowboys during their reign at Filthy. I hope I’m wrong but…Pick: Filthy

Monday, November 9

Pittsburgh at Denver (+3)
Pittsburgh comes in rested off a bye and riding a four game win streak. The Broncos tasted defeat for the first time last week against Baltimore and were dominated. It doesn’t get easier for them here.

The Ravens might have exposed the Broncos defense when it comes to out-muscling them. You’d expect the hard hitting Steelers defense to follow along with that trend.

This is a huge test for this young Broncos team and Josh McDaniels as we see how they deal with their first adversity of the season. I just think that the Steelers are starting to roll right now. Pick: Pittsburgh