Optimist Prime: 11.06.2009

Of late there have been a lot of people ragging on the Vancouver Canucks for the way they've been winning games.

Think about that for a second. People are ragging on the Canucks for how they are chalking up wins. Does that make sense to anyone else? That's the same as telling your grandma the sweater she got you looks like rainbow puke, what you really wanted was an Atari (or whatever the hip new gaming console is). It just shouldn't happen.

As John Garrett elegantly pointed out last week, it doesn't matter how the Canucks win, as long as they win. If I agreed with Garrett more, he and I would be as chummy as Hal Johnson and Joanne McLeod.

Having said that, I've realized something is lacking in Vancouver's victories this season and I'm optimistic that with a little practice and imagination, the team will be able to restore it.

Where has the creativity gone in goal celebrations? Take Vancouver's first three wins in November, for example. The Canucks upended the overrated Avalanche 3-0, beat the overloved Rangers 4-1 and smashed the overwhelmed Wild 5-2; 12 goals for, 11 bad celebrations against.

Of the nine players who scored (Samuelsson x 2, Burrows, Rypien, Hank x 2, Raymond x2, Kesler, Pettinger, Hordichuk & Glass), only Darcy Hordichuk showed some real emotion as he bent down and touched the ice with his right glove before rocketing it up in the air like it was covered in peanut butter and he's allergic.

It was really the first time this season the Canucks have gone for it with a celebration, and while I'm not encouraging an Alexander the Great response to every goal, inflating the tires a little more and pumping the breaks a little less would add to the excitement of goals and therefore make them mega memorable, which would add to the game experience as a whole. Or something like that.

This isn't the old west and this isn't a stick up. Get your hands down. If you score a goal do more than just rush to your teammates and to the bench like the ice is melting, show some genuine passion and share it with the crowd. This is the NHL after all and not the NFL (No Fun League), celebrating isn't penalized.

No more boring life. No more boring goals. Let's not forget our heritage, it was Tiger Williams who got this party started with arguably the greatest goal celebration of all-time and before you come at me with an argument that the best celebrations should be saved for the biggest goals, remember that Williams' was a dumpy goal in a regular season game. It only meant something because it was against his former team.

Fixing this problem isn't hard; here are three suggested celebrations that Canucks could customize to make their own.

-The Double Pits to Chesty. It's a bike trick, sure, but after scoring why not spray on a little invisible Axe and then hit the glass in front of a few cuties and let them bask in the glory.

-The Cadbury Eyebrow. This Glass and a Half Full Production is a masterful facial dance off between brother and sister, how classic would it be for the guys who score and pick up the assist to engage in a quick celebratory brow battle. Whoever nets the second assist can brings the balloon.

-The Single Ladies. Forget about the name, it's all about dropping it like it's hot like this pimpin' toddler. Extra points for the flailing right leg kicks, minus if you're wearing a diaper.

Who is Optimist Prime? He's an eternal Canucks believer whose glass is always half full, even when it's empty.

Throughout the 2009-10 season, Optimist will take a lighthearted look at the Canucks while never losing the faith. This weekly column can be read on Canucks.com every Friday.