Steelers-Broncos: Mile "Hy-Perbole"

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

Excitement is building for Monday night’s game in the mile high environs of Invesco Field, so much so that Monday Night Football analyst John Gruden has already started excitedly over-exaggerating various aspects of the matchup.

“Hey, they don’t call it ‘Mile Hy-perbole Stadium’ for nothing,” says a giddy Gruden. “Troy Polamalu’s hair is so luxurious, it’s been proven impenetrable by the Cleveland Browns offense. James Harrison is so strong, he can lift three Samoan nose tackles with one arm! Kyke Orton’s rebirth as the Broncos quarterback is the greatest resurrection since Jesus Christ’s. Wow! That’s exhilarating! I haven’t embellished something this much since naming Keyshawn Johnson a No. 1 receiver.”

Gruden’s unbridled excitement is such that his partners in the Monday Night Football booth, Mike Tirico and Ron Jaworski, are often assigned “contain” by the show directors.

Anyway, the Broncos 30-7 loss to the Ravens raised questions about their legitimacy as an AFC power. Denver can address those questions, and silence them, with a win against the Steelers, who have won four in a row after a 1-2 start.

“Obviously, the Ravens gave Denver some looks they hadn’t seen before,” says Polamalu. “I think that look was called a ‘defense.’ Are the Broncos for real? I think you’ll see that the Broncos are a lot like questionable hot-air balloon stories—they always come back down to earth.”

“How many people have we proved wrong this year?” says Josh McDaniels. “More than Alex Trebek, my friend. Despite a loss, our philosophy will not change. Six wins is a fine accomplishment, but we’ve got so much more potential. Heck, if Travis Henry would have stopped at six, he would have only achieved half of his potential.”

Steelers win 26-16.

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