My Conclusions After One Week of NBA Play

Since I've seen a handful of games (most of them whilst dead-drunk or on my way there), here are my spot-on conclusions for the rest of the season.

5) Brandon Jennings needs to get the hell out of Milwaukee

Seriously, Brandon, I've been a Bucks fan my entire life, and I'd hate to see you stuck there any longer than you need to be. Whine in public, punch Dan Gadzuric, fart in Herb Kohl's dinner, or just leave the United States.

I don't wish the Bucks or Scott Skiles on anyone. You're playing the best rookie basketball in the NBA right now, and you have over 9,000 points more than Blake whatshisface.

4) The Thunder will be OK when Durant skips town

Westbrook and Green have been flat-out sexy so far. I don't think anyone expected Wesbrook to develop this fast, but it's a welcome surprise (like Dakota Fanning). A good PG is more important than a good 2/3/4, and if the the Thunder were smart they'd begin to shop KD around when he begins to hint that he isn't resigning with them.

Swap for a PF and move Green back to his natural small forward position. Of course, I hope someone talks some sense into KD and he signs with the Thunder for a max deal, but come on. He is going to have an offer from every team in the league, and OKC isn't exactly basketball paradise.

3) Chuck Hayes needs to become the face of the NBA

This guy is a straight-up hero. For all the smack I talked about the Rockets this offseason (and, newsflash, they still suck), they somehow managed to accidentally win a few games do to the antics of the league's ugliest playing little-bigman.

Watching him shoot a free-throw is easily the funnest thing about the NBA right now, except for playing drinking games themed around stupid fouls (Tony Parker, you'd be a nothing 20 years ago you little prick). 

Fun stat: Chuck Hayes is currently averaging 32 points a game, which is about half of the Rocket's ppg this season. I don't know he managed that since he makes about .02 percent of his free throws, which are still the best thing about a Rockets game this year. That or watching Ryan Anderson try to make a three (Antoine Walker, anyone?).

2) Dirk Nowitzki (RIP)

Marion= bust; Kidd= old, mostly useless, roadblock for Barea; Dampier= good for three screens a game; Dirk= 40 minutes a game.

Of course, what you see here is recipe for success. They have a quality win at the Staples Center, but they got trashed by the overrated Wizards. They'll have a few big wins until Dirk is dead and they realize that Josh Howard's return is actually pretty boring, considering how consistently average he is.

Just for once, Cuban needs to let one of his player's contracts expire and sign someone else. This team isn't getting younger, and if they couldn't win five years ago what makes them think they can now? Stick a fork in them, they're done.

1) Celtics will win the championship this year

(As long as they're healthy)

I hate Boston sports so much. I hate the Patriots, Tom Brady, Gisele, the Red Sox, the Bruins, Matt Damon, and the Celtics. But damn, that defense...