Sundays From the Cellar: Victory at Last

Record: 1-7

Sunday’s Outcome: Rams 17, Lions 10

The Line: Detroit -3

Week 8 Viewing Strategy: Bet the Rams
Playing a 1-5 team whose extended futility is on par with their own, that doesn’t enjoy an overwhelming home field advantage, whose top receiver is out and whose QB is coming back after an injury – this game was the one circled on the schedule that the Rammies could realistically view as a potential “W”. 

With the Rams fielding a team that is actually crappy enough to be an underdog to an opponent that has exactly one win since 2007, I felt it was time to break into the BetUs.com account and put some coin down in support of my team.  Not a lot mind you, I’m not stupid.  Just enough to add a little incentive.

What did these guys do to deserve this… 

Poor Ron Pitts and John Lynch have scored the assignment on roughly half of the Rams games this year, leaving no doubt as to where they stand on Fox depth chart.

Pitts: “You think if we just replayed the taped audio of our call last week and left anyone would notice?”
Lynch: “No one is watching this game anyway.  Let’s go get some chicken wings and watch the Colts play”###MORE###

Marc Bulger: Anything for the team…anything except being hit that is
3rd and 6, Bulger breaks free from the pocket with room to run.  Five yards into his run, faced with the option of A.) putting his head down and gaining the first down to keep the drive going or B.) sliding one yard short of the marker and punting, he’ll take option B thanks…

That’s the kind of heart a team like the Rams needs out of their offensive captain.

By the Numbers…
Rams record in their last 24 games: 3-21
Lions record in their last 24 games: 1-23
Combined scoring differential in ‘08 and ‘09: -718
Hours wasted by the author watching the Rams lose in ‘08 and ‘09: approximately 63
Number of message board threads about Josh Brown taking over at QB after his touchdown pass on a fake field goal: 114

Doing anything to get in the stat book…
Backup safety David Roach made no friends on the coaching staff when he inquired with the stat keeper as to whether or not he would get credit for a tackle for his hit on offensive coordinator Pat Shurmur

 
The Moment of “Holy Shit this team is horrible”
In most situations where an overanxious defensive back picks up a fumble or intercepts a pass and has a chance to morph into an offensive player for an instant, they lose all concept of discipline and become the biggest loose cannon on the field.  Without studying the numbers, I’d wager that a defensive back with the ball in his hands is probably 95% more likely to fumble than his offensive counterparts.   

But typically the worst case is a fumble or negative yardage. Leave it to the Rams to find a way to make it worse. In the second quarter, Safety James Butler intercepted a Matthew Stafford pass in the endzone and instead of simply staying put and taking the touchback, he elected to come out and attempt to dance his way 100 yards down the field.  Butler ran the ball to the two-yard line, then decided to backtrack into the endzone where he was promptly tackled for a safety.  Only the Rams defense could manage to give up points on a play in which they created a turnover.

Rams Pop Quiz 

Rams players dumped a jug of water on coach Steve Spagnuolo…

A.) As a celebration of his first career victory as a head coach

B.) To disinfect him after he shook hands with former coach and current Detroit OC Scott Linehan, just in case Linehan’s coaching style was contagious. 

Competition for #32

#25 Tennessee (W 30-13) – Round 2 of the Vince Young era begins in Tennessee
#26 Kansas City (Bye) – Women in KC beware as Larry Johnson no longer has to worry about football for a while
#27 St. Louis (W 17-10) – They may only win one this year, but they’ll get to enjoy it for two weeks thanks to a bye.
#28 Detroit (L 17-10) – In a battle of the worst teams over the past two seasons, the Lions lose…at home.
#29 Oakland (L 24-16) – Even though they have two wins, Oakland blows
#30 Washington (Bye) – It would surprise no one if the Redskins continued their descent and established themselves as the worst team in the NFL by seasons end.
#31 Cleveland (L 30-6) – One and done for Mangini.
#32 Tampa Bay (Bye) – The lone winless team in the NFL now resides in Tampa

Up Next: Bye

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