BC-Notre Dame: Eagles Win, and Then...

10 things that should happen this Saturday in South Bend, beginning at 3:30 Eastern time...

1. Matt Ryan will show up and throw for 300 yards and four touchdowns, and rush for another score.

2. After the BC win, the entire Notre Dame fanbase will convert to a more humble, enlightened form of Catholicism.

3. Coach Tom O'Brien will call BC and tell them he's sorry, and that he wants to come back and work for Coach Jags.

4. Charlie Weis will cry and talk about how he really wanted to work at BC but the job wasn't open.

5. All the students at Notre Dame will get together and run an ad in the Boston Globe admitting they only chose Notre Dame after being rejected by BC.

6. The Pope will call Matt Ryan to personally thank him.

7. Miami players and Florida State coaches will call up the Heights and cancel their upcoming games out of sheer terror.

8. The entire city of Boston will momentarily forget the undefeated Patriots and World Series-bound Red Sox and plan a parade down Commonwealth Avenue to honor the BC Eagles.

9. The Council of Bishops will hold an emergency meeting and decide that all Catholics should now cheer for BC instead of Notre Dame. The ensuing legislation will be titled “South Bend No More: BC Is the Future.”

10. Doug Flutie will enter the presidential race—and with bipartisan support and Barack Obama as his VP, will lead the USA for the next eight years. All meetings at the White House will begin with a video clip of the Hail Mary pass against Miami.