Oakland Raiders: Profound Or Humorous?

Honor Warren Wells TheTorch@dbintayaelSenior Writer IIOctober 14, 2009

CANTON, OH - AUGUST 6: An Eagle cheerleader performs during a stoppage in play as the Oakland Raiders take on the Philadelphia Eagles in the AFC-NFC Pro Football Hall of Fame Game at Fawcett Stadium on August 6, 2006 in Canton, Ohio.  (Photo by Doug Benc/Getty Images)

Pep Talk for Oakland Raiders (re-published)


This article was published earlier. Now that their record is 1-4, it is being re-published.

I tagged it "humor" but don't take the concept lightly, even humor has a punch to it. This article is an adaptation which is based on a "classic."

If, perchance, an Oakland Raider gets "pissed off" then think about the thousands of fans who may be in a similar state of mind.

Many years ago, some college friends and I enjoyed the finest live performances in New York City. One day we hopped on a subway, skipped off the train at our exit, and entered a beautiful theater in Manhattan.

We went to see the play, Lysistrata. It is a comedy by Aristophanes. It had a plot including young women, old women, young men, and old men. The strategy will make you raise your eyebrows and, maybe, grit your teeth.

According to the play, the women wanted the men to stop fighting in a war. Let's reverse the main theme and say that we want the Oakland Raiders to go to "football" war, and win the games.

There are many events in the story. Here is one that is summarized in a Wikipedia article:

"Peace talks commence and Lysistrata introduces the Spartan and Athenian delegates to a gorgeous young woman called Reconciliation.

"The delegates cannot take their eyes off the young woman and meanwhile Lysistrata scolds both sides for past errors of judgement.

"The delegates briefly squabble over the peace terms but, with Reconciliation before them and the burden of sexual deprivation still heavy upon them, they quickly overcome their differences and retire to the Acropolis for celebrations.

"Another choral song follows and, after a bit of humorous dialogue between drunken dinner guests, the celebrants all return to the stage for a final round of songs, the men and women dancing together."

Now the humorous parallel:

A modern Raider Nation Lysistrata should be invited to the Oakland Raiders camp to "scold the offensive and defensive players for past errors of judgement (and performance)."

Our Raider Nation Lysistrata will report to the team that all of their partners will abstain from sex until the team wins a game, any game. Of course, the expectation, the Raider Nation Lysistrata will say, is that you win many games.

Can you imagine the response?

Blackberries and other gadgets are slapped to the ears of the players. Riddell helmets crash to the floor.

Profane words are mumbled.

Thunderous voices start roaring.

But, the women stick to their plan: No wins, no honey.

(Pause... I had to chuckle)

If the strategy worked in 411 BC, then it surely can work in 2009 AD.

Another writer said the Oakland Raiders need to go back to the fundamentals. Well, what could be more fundamental in getting the attention of a young, powerful Oakland Raider?

(Pause, again... I have to really laugh!)

I have read several articles and some Raider Nation fans are depressed, letdown, and almost sick because of the last game. Brian Park wrote, "There is cause for concern."

Here is the plan. On September 15, 2009, turn it around. Aim toward victory. Learn those fundamentals, whatever they are. Just do it!

Now back to the Oakland Raiders meeting.

The Raider Nation Lysistrata introduces a young woman named Reconciliation. Assuming that all of the partners cooperated, the Raiders are on their knees, begging the women to lift their ban on affection.

The Oakland Raiders are on their knees meditating (maybe even praying) for victory.

This humorous plot has an open ending. You fill in the blanks.


Snap out of it, everybody. We can still have a good season. Lift up your heads... and be ye lifted up! 


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