When Did The NFL Get This Bad? The NFL's Worst Week Five.

The Cleveland Browns and Buffalo Bills bowl was one of the most awful displays of football in history. The Browns quarterback, Derrick Anderson, played about as bad as a player can play.

The new starting Brown quarterback completed just two passes for 23 yards with one interception for a QB rating of 15.1.

Still he won.

On a muffed punt fittingly, still he played better then the confused, chubby fellow the Raiders trotted out against the Giants.

This isn't parity this is just pathetic football.

The Eighth amendment of the US Constitution prohibits cruel and unusual punishment but doesn't the below sound like Buffalo vs  Cleavland?

Such punishment as would amount to torture or barbarity, any cruel and degrading punishment not known to the Common Law, or any fine, penalty, confinement, or treatment that is so disproportionate to the offense as to shock the moral sense of the community.

The fans might have a case.

Over a third of the league is very bad.

A few of the very worse teams, the St Louis Rams, the Oakland Raiders, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, and the Kansas City Chiefs are perhaps the poorest teams ever produced by the NFL.

And the Oakland Raiders are getting worse by the week. Which is rather scary.

The bad thing about being bad this year is that no team wants high draft picks in next year's draft, likely the last draft without a rookie salary cap.

Who wants to drop mega millions on a top ten pick that could, like JaMarcus Russell, take the money and run...to the buffet and bank and back to the buffet.

Teams will be desperate to dodge the top ten picks next year.

What if they had a draft and everybody passed?

Lets look at the sad sack seven of week five; the very worst of an increasing bad league.

1] Pro Football in Missouri [0-10]

The Kansas City Chiefs had a shot at the terribly overrated, and under coached, Dallas Cowboys but, of course, they bumbled it.

Tackling in the pros is almost a lost art but the Chief defensive backs are masters of the missed tackle, which when combined with an expertise in blown coverage, makes for many wonderful, weekly highlights.

Over in St Louis the Rams can not tackle, pass, run, block, or not turn the ball over. All that on field joy and they get an off field media squabble with Rush, Jesse, Al and the gang.

Still what Ram fan could resist watching the Dick Curl coached offense grind out six points per week, each and every exciting week.

2] Oakland Raiders [1-4]

The sinking Raiders ship, piloted by Captain Al Davis and Tom "I'll f**** Kill You" Cable , has slipped into a black hole.

And its not the Oakland end zone either, no its the cold, old definition; that is a void, an abyss.

Al Davis has stared too long into the abyss and now its staring back at him.

And the abyss ain't got an answer at quarterback either.

Still its sad to see Al Davis, like Bobby Bowden, being chased around like an evil old Frankenstein by mad fans.

So it ends....sadly and badly for both Bowden and Davis.

3] Tampa Bay Buccaneers [0-5]

The rumors say the Buccaneers owners are cutting costs and diverting funds to their favored British soccer franchise instead of pumping it back into football.

Judging by the Buccaneers coaching and play those rumors might be true.

4] Tie: Cleveland Browns and Buffalo Bills [2-8]

These two teams truly deserved a 3-3 tie in the cold.

If Ralph Wilson wants to watch his Bills win a Super Bowl he best look into getting frozen. But I find a different outfit then the one that froze Ted Williams head.

Cleveland wonders if Eric Mangini was sent not to save the Browns but to destroy them.

Did the Jets plant a Manchurian candidate chip in Mangini's head?

Maybe when Rex Ryan and the Jets flash Mangini the queen of diamonds he trades them Mark Sanchez and Braylon Edwards for low draft picks, centers, and back ups.

Another flash of the diamond lady and he fines players absurd sums for silly offenses.

Yet another diamond flash and he makes a rookie running back run sans pad against a fully padded, hitting, defense.

Another card flash and Derrick Anderson becomes Cleveland's future.

His brain has not only been washed, as they say... It has been dry cleaned.

5] Tennessee Titans [0-5]

The last luxury ship to sink this bad, and this fast, was the Titanic. 

The Tennessee Titanics? That has a certain ring to it.

Perhaps the Tennessee team band can play Autumn, rumored to be the last song play by the Titanic band as she sank, at the end of each Titan home game.

Look at all the leaks springing on the good ship Tennessee.

Offense, defense, quarterback play, how high the water Jeff Fisher?

Well, the rails are washed out north of town
We gotta head for higher ground
We can't come back till the water comes down,
Five feet high and risin'

Well, it's five feet high and risin'

6] Washington Redskins [2-3]

After an opening week pummelling by the New York Giants the Redskins played the worst stretch of teams in NFL history.

The Redskins played the win-less St Louis Rams, the 0-19 Detroit Lions, the win-less Tampa Bay Buccaneers, and then the win-less Carlina Panthers.

Next week the Skins play the win-less Kansas City Chiefs.

No wonder Fat Albert Haynesworth is so damned tired that after every two plays he has to play dead.

Perhaps if they put a Happy Meal around the opposing signal callers neck Haynesworth would be more excited about rushing him.

7] Tie : Detroit Lions [1-21] Carolina Panthers [1-3]

The league is so bad at the bottom sometimes one forgets how historically rotten the Lions really are.

Zany Jim Zorn and his Redskins blowing of a fourth quarter league made sure the John and Jake show will run a few more weeks in Carolina.

But that show is soon due for cancellation in Carolina.

Three teams almost as bad

Jacksonville Jaguars 2-3- A 41-0 loss to the Seattle Seahawks is a sure way to fill empty stadium seats and excited Orlando.

Houston Texans 2-3- The team has made no progress under Gary Kubiak and didn't they show it at the goal line as time ran out?

San Diego Chargers 2-3- Do Charger fans really expect Norv Turner to take them to the promised land?

A Terrible Trio of Games

Brought to you by Doctor Szell the deep drilling dentist from Marathon Man because it would be less painful to have Szell work on your chops then to watch these teams play each other.

Carolina vs Tampa Bay

St Louis vs Jacksonville

Kansas City vs Washington

The combined record of the above teams is 5-24.

Ugh.

Is it safe?

Not in those stadiums.