Emergency Surgery for the Buffalo Bills! A Cowher Transplant

Somebody call 911. Does anyone know CPR? The Buffalo Bills are lying unresponsive on the turf. Time is critical.

Now, continue the analogy. Consider this possibility. The Buffalo Bills are a minor, a dependent of their guardian, Ralph Wilson, Jr. We're in the Emergency Room now. The doctors are gathered around the lifeless body.

Finally, a little blip appears on the monitor screen. The heart is back, but barely. Pulse is almost non-existent. The on-call cardiovascular surgeon is paged.

A minute later, he appears in the room with his entourage of students, interns and residents. He breaks the news to Papa Ralph. "Your child needs an immediate heart transplant."

"That seems a little drastic, Doctor," Ralph says. "Why can't we try medication first, maybe even a bypass, but a transplant? I don't think so."

"Listen to me!" The Doctor shouts at Mr. Wilson, grabbing him by both shoulders and shaking him violently to make sure he  gets the point. "It's a transplant this hour, or call the undertaker. Do you get it? It's too late for anything else. You've been trying the least intrusive therapy on your child for the past 10 years.

"It seemed promising for a while, but lately things have been going down hill quickly. To be completely frank, Mr. Wilson, you should have brought him in here long before today. This arrest didn't have to happen. Now we have no choice. We have to replace that heart, and now! Sign here please."

Ralph gets that dazed look he had off and on during the Hall of Fame induction. You wonder if he's even mentally present. Then, with a sudden start, he takes the clipboard and pen from the doctor and begrudgingly signs his consent.

"Thank you," the Doctor replies. "Now, team get the heart off the chopper and get the patient to the OR, stat."

So...if I were the Bills' doctor, I'd shake Mr. Wilson until it gets through his head that nothing short of immediate and radical intervention will save this team.  

The new heart is Bill Cowher. He must be the Bills' next General Manager. The Bills must have someone of his caliber who has won Super Bowls and put together championship coaching staffs.

Such radical and immediate intervention in the life of the Buffalo Bills is necessary, and using the heart analogy, there's not a stronger organ in the football universe than Bill Cowher available today (assuming he can get out of his TV contract) to be grafted into the organization.

If it were up to me and there was any possible way on earth to do this—and if enough money is offered all the involved parties, there is always a way—Bill Cowher would be in Russ Brandon's office by the end of business today. Jauron would be gone. Bobby April would be interim head coach.

Cowher would be given the challenge to pick from one of the many Superbowl winning head coaches who are currently not engaged in coaching such as Dungy, Billick, Holmgren, Shanahan, and Gruden, and getting one on board ASAP.

The new coach would likely have to live with the coordinators and assistants until the end of the season, but at least they'd have an opportunity to evaluate talent and start re-working the team's strategy. I would also ask Cowher to consider obtaining another quarterback, Jeff Garcia, for instance, to offer an alternative to Trent Edwards if a new coach isn't enough to get him reoriented.

As unlikely as this scenario may seem, it is not impossible, and I have a feeling that regardless of the players' professed loyalty to the current coach, the arrival of a team like Cowher-Billick for example, would quickly win their enthusiastic support, and such a team, even with existing coordinators and despite the trauma of introducing a new heart to a very weakened body, the team would have a miracle recovery and would finish strong, especially as the season progresses.

Without such intervention, look for the Bills to finish 1-15, and look for the current management to completely waste the number one draft pick they will "earn," in the process.