Larry's Losers in The SEC: Week Seven

After blaming Baccardi for the the two losses in the last two weeks in dog-versus-cat contests he assured me he would come through; he had the last bark, uh I mean laugh as the Little Smart Pill Machine completely came off the tracks and had it's worst week ever with three losses out of seven.

This brings the season average down to 38-9 and the worst first half average in the entire history of Larry's losers. They fired Phillip Fulmer once his average got to less than 77 percent, so we better find a new gear to shift into soon.

Last week Vandy let me down in one of them that coulda, shoulda, Auburn just completely blew the image I had of them, and Tennessee proved you better not write them off just yet.

This was a week that saw two previously undefeated teams feel what Keith Jackson calls, "The Agony of Defeat", and others who were supposed to win get caught up in some of that agony also.

So folks, we wake up this morning to an SEC we predicted at the beginning, with only Alabama and Florida undefeated, and the rest knocking each other off here in this ever so tough conference.

With the Little Smart Pill Machine in total breakdown and no time for a complete overhaul, I guess I'm just gonna have to wing it this week and pray for divine luck and forgo the wonders of Smart Pill prognosticating at least for this week.

South Carolina at Alabama

The Old Ball Coach and his cluckers come to Tuscaloosa to be served up for a homecoming feast, but this ain't your typical kind of Saturday chicken dinner. These prized pullets have been pecking teams all season with one of the SEC's best defenses and an offense that finally seems to be coming around.

Last week Alabama had trouble with a stingy Rebel defense and only got one touchdown and five field goals to show for it, and if you thought the Rebels were stingy in the red zone, the Gamecock's are even ornerier.

But when it comes to defenses, nobody can ground a bird better than an elephant stomping his wings into the turf and in the end Alabama may leave with another ugly victory, but with a victory none the less.

Larry's loser: South Carolina

Arkansas at Florida

Like Alabama, Florida had an ugly win on the road, but like my pappy used to tell me, the W in the win column is just as big a pretty one and now the Tim Tebow Trauma Theatre sets up shop back in the confines of a friendly swamp to entertain the the Arkansas swine that managed to put a well placed tusk in Auburn's backside and tear them a new one.

Bobby Petrino is counting on sustaining their momentum against SEC undefeated teams, but they're meeting the wrong team in the wrong place at the wrong time. Tebow will have shaken his cobwebs by now, so the Hogs could be one week late to the party and instead of thinking he can catch a Gator like he did a Tiger, Petrino should just re-watch the Alabama game, because that's the same kind of defense they'll be seein' this week too.

Larry's loser: Arkansas

Kentucky at Auburn

Time and likely wins are runnin' out for the Kentucky Kitties if they expect to bowlin' for the third time in a row under Rich Brooks. They'll need to sharpen their claws for this week's cat fight on the plains at Auburn.

After being not only knocked off, but knocked back to reality last week, the Toomer's Corner Tabbies feel like they have something to prove, but the cats from Kentucky feel like it's finally their time to shine.

This could be a very good game and I think it'll be a close one to the end, but like my Grandpappy always said, you can't beat home cooking, and that'll be the decidin' factor in the end.

Larry's loser: Kentucky

Georgia at Vanderbilt

Mark Richt's dogs got slapped with a rolled up newspaper last week courtesy of Lane Kiffin and plenty of Volunteers and Georgia's lookin' to get back into the win column and get everbody's mind of that whoopin'. What better way to do that than to play Vanderbilt this week?

The Commodores don't look like they'll be bowling this year and will spending the off season plugging holes in the old ship and dreaming of cruises yet to be. In a game that should help ease the pain of flunking obedience school last week, Larry's loser will be Vanderbilt.

UAB at Ole Miss

Last week, the rebels tried to go elephant hunting with wet powder in the old muskets. This week, they'll know better and should have the necessary powder to break the lines for a few scores they couldn't get last week.

These dragons don't really breathe fire like their logo so proudly shows. In fact, this season, it's mostly just bad breath, so the Johnny Rebs shouldn't have much trouble of bagging and over-sized lizard that isn't in the Gator family.

Larry's loser: UAB

Mississippi State at Middle Tennessee State

The Bulldogs go up North to raid the Blue Raiders stadium and come home with a win. The dogs have improved much from a year ago, and Mullin's mutts might not be barking up the wrong tree this weekend.

It's not that these boys from Tennessee are such a bad team, but they'll find punching holes in this line of pooches is more than they can handle and in the end these Bulldogs leave with a W on each collar.

Larry's loser: Middle Tennessee State

So, with me only worrying about the cat fight between Kentucky and Auburn, maybe we get our feet back under us this week with prognosicatin' perfection. Lord knows we need it after missing three last week.

Now quit grinning and get me my slippers Baccardi, or you won't get any bacon for breakfast.

Till next week, the Good Lord willing...

With fondest accolades to Leonard Postoasties.