Who Will Be The First NFL Coach Fired? The Odds Are Up!

Dan BooneOct 10, 2009

"The heat is on, on the street
Inside your head, on every beat
And the beat's so loud, deep inside
The pressure's high, just to stay alive
'Cause the heat is on"

Glen Frey

"Courage is grace under pressure."

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Bleacher Report1w

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Ernest Hemingway

True pressure is being in the infantry in Afghanistan or searching, starving, for some scraps in the Third World, its not being fired from a million dollar job with a guaranteed contract and coaching tree pals ready to pick you as a token tight end coach somewhere if canned.

But the NFL has hit the quarter pole and the heat is on the head men.

The heats always on in Washington Redskin land, where the owner treats coaches like Henry the Eighth treated wives. But in these fickle economic times teams that seem to pack it in and lay down for the year early risk alienating their fans and, perhaps most importantly, their money.

But the odd abound. Next year in the NFL will be unsettled and perhaps uncapped.

So why pay a fired coach a contract if a lock out looms?

Some teams, like the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, seem to be cutting costs and creeping into their turtle shell until the dust clears. The Tampa head coach is paid on the low end of the league coaching scale and they seem to be shedding high paid players as quickly as possible.

Tampa might be getting what it paid for.

And its hard to get fired in one year, to be Les Steckeled as they say in Minnesota, but Eric Mangini or Todd Haley might pull it off.

But fired first?

I doubt if the first year guys go down that quick.

Wade Phillips is likely fired coach walking but will Jerry pull the six shooter trigger mid trip?

Do the Jaguars keep Jack Del Rio and an empty stadium or make a big money move to Los Angeles?

And does Ralph Wilson want to start a five year plan in Buffalo as he enters his mid nineties? If he does the quicker the better especially when a hundred looms on the horizon.

What if Knock Em Down Tom Cable heads to the hoosegow? What big name coach wants the keys to that asylum? Al Davis has become the Mad Willy Wonka of the NFL all he needs is the silver and black top hat.

And is there any competent coaches on the Cable staff? Calling Art Shell time?

Or some silver and black Oompa Loompas?

Look how the tide has turned on Tony Sparano from Cinderella play off team to the leader in the to be fired pool?

It was hard to jump Jim Zorn in the firing pool so someone must feel a push coming in Miami.

Does the Big Tuna get tossed back too if Tony Sparano gets whacked?

And there's Gary Kubiak off to yet another stale start, how long does he fill Texas seats?

What about the coaching buzzards circling Carolina waiting for the canning? The lack of a capable back up quarterback might have doomed John Fox.

The line up of big named canned, or retired, coaches mentioned as candidates include everyone but Chuck Noll and Bud Grant.

But do you want to be the owner that gives a past his prime coach, a guy used to living the good life as a talking television head, one more big pay day to restock his shrinking stock portfolio for his Golden Years?

Remember the big money flops of Jimmy Johnson in Miami and the Mike Ditka disaster in the Big Easy?

Even Jeff Fisher, a quality coach many teams would take, has somehow slipped onto the list. Fate is fickle in the big leagues.

My pick?

Always throw out the chalk, though Jim Zorn looks like Big Brown in the Kentucky Derby futures pool. He has the look of the hanged man or the heavily medicated one, Zorn for Zoloft anyone?

Well if you had to shake pre game paws with Tom Cruise, had Vinnie Cerrato and Danny Snyder picking your players, and had Jason Campbell at the helm of your sinking ship you be popping pills too.

The first year coaches will finish the season. To fire a coach so quickly is to admit a massive blunder so unless your Cleveland and considering canceling your team permantly that option is often frowned upon.

Somehow Wade Phillips and Gary Kubiak should stagger through the season.

Or is it save a season can a Cowboy time?

Dick Jauron will twist on the twine, and will go in good time, just not first.

Carolina will not change horses mid stream. Unless the Redskins, and zany Jim Zorn, hit Fox's horse mid stream like Comanches of old storming Sonora.

That loss could corner the Fox.

But bet madness when it comes to early coaching firings.

And when you bet mid fall madness you mean Al Davis, with the coaching ax, in the silver and black Willy Wonka room.

Take Tom Cable, at a generous 9 to 1, with jail hanging over his head and the failed, fat, franchise quarterback playing in his mind.

Hang down your head, Tom Cable
Hang down your head and cry
Hang down your head, Tom Cable
Poor boy, you're bound to fry

Unless, of course, Wade Phillips manges to bungle the Cowboys road trip to Kansas City.

And what about the losing coach of the Carolina Panther and Washington Redskin game?

That old boy might not want to get on the post game bus.