Warriors 3-1 Versus Falcons 28-3: Who Blew It Worse?
Arthur Blank. My God. What were you thinking? The only worse things you could have done are unfurl a "Mission Accomplished" banner on the sidelines or have Gucci Mane pop out of a cake in the end zone.
Kyle Shanahan, did someone spike your Gatorade with liquid Ambien?
Tom Brady, did someone spike your Gatorade with the Limitless drug?
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The Atlanta Falcons' collapse after being up 28-3 in the third quarter of Super Bowl LI might have been the most horrendous choke job of all time...if not for other horrendous choke jobs from the Golden State Warriors in the 2016 NBA Finals and the Cleveland Indians in the 2016 World Series. We're blessed (or cursed, depending on your current zip code) in this era to bear witness to such colossal human tragedy.
The established order of things is falling apart right before our eyes. No way can a team come back from being down 3-1 to the greatest regular-season squad in NBA history to win the championship. That's ludicrous. Twenty-eight to nine is an insurmountable lead going into the fourth quarter of a football game, let alone a freakin' Super Bowl, which, by the way, had never hosted an overtime period before. A historically cursed team with a 108-year championship drought rattling off three consecutive World Series W's? Nearly impossible.
Fortunately for the Indians, LeBron James' existence (and the title he brought to their city several months earlier) spares them from this debate. But between the Warriors and Falcons, who blew it worse? Who will earn the Golden Crying Jordan for biggest L in history?
Let's break down the embarrassment, point by point.
The Fall from Grace
Right up front, let's consider the amazing disappearing-lead trick both teams pulled off. The Falcons were up 19 points at the start of the fourth quarter of a winner-take-all championship game. The Warriors, on the other hand, had three chances to win one game, with the decisive contest taking place on their home court, in front of one of the most rabid crowds I've ever witnessed in person outside of a WWE pay-per-view event.
According to FiveThirtyEight's Reuben Fischer-Baum, the 2015-16 Warriors were the third-greatest NBA team of all time. The Warriors were also the favorites to win Game 5 (despite being without Draymond Green), which would have clinched the Larry O'Brien Trophy. The Falcons? They were three-point underdogs going into the Super Bowl, per OddsShark. The Warriors were a maniacal, ruthless, basketball killing machine. The Falcons weren't even favored in the title game.
(Dis)Advantage: Warriors
The Bad Karma
I did not invent the sports karma scale. Hell, I don't even believe in curses. Still, the cosmic blunders of each team undoubtedly factor into their respective legacies of historic failure.
The Warriors had owner Joe Lacob's unchecked boasts of being "light-years ahead" in a now-infamous New York Times Magazine feature from late March 2016—a scant three months before Green started kicking dudes again, which led to the Finals implosion. The Falcons' owner, Blank, saved his biggest jinx for the championship round itself—confidently sauntering down to field level so Fox's cameras could get a better close-up shot of his abject misery.
"Arthur Blank and wife, #Falcons up 28-3.
— Funhouse (@SportsFunhouse) February 6, 2017"
Arthur Blank and wife, #Patriots about to win in overtime. pic.twitter.com/VDsxRVPJIP
If Lacob had been caught C-walking on the court during Game 7, maybe that would have been close to Blank's folly. The only thing remotely resembling a jinx of this magnitude was Game 6 of the 2002 World Series, when the San Francisco Giants brought special bottles of champagne to Anaheim with "World Champions" emblazoned on the side. Stadium employees were tarping the locker rooms for the inevitable shower of bubbly, but a late Giants meltdown thwarted those plans. Yes, Blank is worse than that.
(Dis)Advantage: Falcons
The Iconic Moment
The Block versus the Dog-Pile Catch. Julian Edelman snatched a ball out of midair twice while being sandwiched by multiple defensive backs. The second time, the ball was mere inches from hitting the ground. I've watched that catch countless times, and I still have no idea how he had the presence of mind and the dexterity to secure the ball.
As magnificent as LeBron's block of Andre Iguodala was in Game 7 of the 2016 NBA Finals, it was pure athletic prowess, something we all know LeBron possesses. The Dog-Pile Catch was something akin to literal magic. That's right: Julian Edelman is a warlock.
(Dis)Advantage: Falcons
The Historical Misery Factor
The Warriors have four NBA championships in franchise history, which ranks fifth on the all-time list. The year prior to their 3-1 meltdown, they beat the very same Cavaliers team that returned the favor in 2016. They currently hold the record for most wins in a single regular season. They have two league MVPs on the same team. Unless the Cavs convince Elon Musk to trade them the time machine he's hiding in his basement so they can kidnap 2001 Shaquille O'Neal, Golden State is likely going to win the title this year. Not sure what Cleveland has to offer in this deal aside from J.R. Smith and a second-rounder in 2020, so this probably won't happen. The salaries—as well as some of the space-time details—just don't work out.
The Falcons have never won a Vince Lombardi Trophy. Atlanta's current professional sports teams have won a grand total of one world championship. The last time Atlanta won anything, it was a Golden Globe for a sitcom. It's like the city of Cleveland performed the Face/Off procedure with Atlanta, and now Cleveland is running around cackling, Nicolas Cage-style, in a priest's habit.
(Dis)Advantage: Falcons
I'm sorry, Atlanta. I know it hurts right now. You feel so cold and so alone. It was within your grasp, a few tantalizing minutes away. As Lady Gaga might say, you were on the edge of glory, and just like she did during the Super Bowl halftime show, you fell off the top of NRG Stadium and crash-landed onto a stage filled with grown men and women dancing in extravagant costumes. It's a pain few sports fans will ever have the misfortune to understand. Except, you know, Patriots fans.
Enjoy your Golden Crying Jordan, Falcons fans. May it keep you warm, at least until the combine.
Dave Schilling is a Writer-at-Large for Bleacher Report and B/R Mag. He also hosts the Roundball Rock podcast, a comedic look at the NBA. Prior to joining B/R this month, Dave wrote for Grantland, The Guardian and VICE. Follow him on Twitter: @dave_schilling.
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