NFL Week Three: My Three Wishes

1. Can we have proper injury reports again, please?

The outcome of the Favre/Jets injury saga seems to have been that every team is now listing every injury suffered by any of its players, no matter how minor. This means we are rapidly approaching the point where the injury report will run to 1696 players, with the odd coach, cheerleader and TV color man thrown in for good measure.

I know that this is considered heretical by the NFL, but injury reports become irrelevant if too many people are on them for too many minor things. Indeed, there's an argument for saying that listing every last injury just makes it easier for teams to hide something more serious.

After all, if your QB has, say, a rib injury and you list him as also having a strained quad, the recovery time is potentially the same, but no opponent will know that a body shot is likely to cause him far more problems when he returns.

Of course, the injury report has always depended upon the unwritten hierarchy of players anyway. No-one really cares if certain players are on there or not. For example

Quarterback breaks fingernail (non-throwing hand) - TRAGEDY! DISASTER! CALL EVERY HAND SURGEON IN THE STATE AND BRING ME A TON OF COTTON WOOL!

Defensive lineman breaks leg - CALL RICHARD SEYMOUR'S AGENT

Punter contracts Ebola virus - NEXT!

2. Can we have the unreal Tony Romo back, please?

If the Tony Romo who buckles like cheap aluminum under pressure is the “real” Tony Romo, can we have the “unreal” one back? It's no fun watching him struggle this early in the season and far more interesting when he does it in Week 15, the playoffs, or whenever.

In fact, it is almost worthwhile letting the Cowboys get to the Superbowl, just to give him a global stage on which to demonstrate his ability to pass to cornerbacks, linebackers, the referee, and anyone else without a star on their helmet.

3. Can the NFL grow up a bit, please?

I like it when players try and introduce a bit of fun into games. I'm on record as saying that the NFL has gone way too far in banning in-goal celebrations. But the past two weeks have seen the players going over the top.

We've had fines for wearing slogans on the soles of shoes, and for a player wearing a “Jason” mask. Neither of these things are even funny. If players want to be treated like grown ups, they need to demonstrate that they are grown ups.