A (Not So) Serious Look at How Olympiakos vs. Arsenal Will Play out
The last time Arsenal faced Olympiakos, they found themselves at the bottom of Champions League Group F after getting on the wrong end of a five-goal thriller.
On Wednesday, the Gunners head to Piraeus knowing that they must earn a win by a scoreline other than 1-0 or 2-1, or face the punishment of Thursday night football in some of Europe's less desirable locations. Like White Hart Lane.
Can Arsene Wenger's men prevail and achieve their annual goal of getting knocked out in the Round of 16?
Here's our very tongue-in-cheek look ahead to how the big match will play out. Take a look, and be sure to leave your own predictions in the comments.
Before Kick-off
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The Gunners arrive at the Karaiskakis Stadium without Santi Cazorla, Alexis Sanchez, Francis Coquelin, Mikel Arteta, Jack Wilshere and several of the other physio-table gang.
They face a team that defeated them at the Emirates Stadium in their last meeting, who beat them on all three previous meetings at this stadium, and who have won all 12 of their domestic fixtures this season.
But don't worry, Arsene Wenger has an ace card up his sleeve: A Costa Rican who had a good game against Uruguay once.
Accordingly, the players look a bit nervous in the tunnel.
4th Minute
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Arsenal start brightly as Aaron Ramsey thrives in his central role and Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain makes some piercing runs down the left flank.
Olivier Giroud—who usually has success playing away from home—also looks to be up for the occasion.
11th Minute
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Disaster for the Gunners!
Kostas Fortounis—the man who has 10 goals and five assists in 12 league games this season—heads in a bullet from a corner.
Heads drop, Per Mertesacker and Laurent Koscielny bicker like an old married couple, and Arsene Wenger mistakenly unzips his coat while furiously shouting from the sidelines.
It's going to be a cold night for the Frenchman.
19th Minute
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While unsuccessfully manhandling his zip, Wenger suddenly realises why Arsenal are losing.
It's not because his team are set up incorrectly. It's not because of a systematic and highly predictable pattern of injuries. It's not because he refuses to spend any money when he knows about that systematic and highly predictable pattern of injuries. And it's not because Olympiakos are a very good side who always know how to beat Arsenal.
It's because the kits are cursed! Yeah, that's it. The kits are cursed.
The third-choice kit brought terrible luck against Sheffield Wednesday, Bayern Munich and Norwich, so it must be the sole reason why Arsenal are heading for the Europa League. There's no other explanation.
During a break in play, Wenger approaches the fourth official and requests to play shirts vs. skins. Giroud overhears this and asks if he can also play without his shorts on. Both requests are denied.
25th Minute
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Arsenal's bright start seems like a distant memory as Olympiakos start to take control of the game.
The Greeks double their advantage from a set piece once again, with Brown Ideye poking home the second goal after the ball slipped through Petr Cech's fingers.
Wojciech Szczesny, watching the action at home, is incredulous. "I could have done that for you, Arsene!" he screams with enough intensity to make the cigarette fall from his lips.
36th Minute
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Arsenal's defence continues to look porous as Ideye and Pajtim Kasami both come close to making it 3-0.
It's almost as if a team that has scored 50 goals already this season is finding it easy to break through a defence that has only kept one clean sheet in its six previous outings.
Half-Time
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It's all doom and gloom at the interval, with Arsenal knowing they need to score three goals. Not even one of Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain's lovely song-and-dance routines can raise spirits.
Instead of providing a rousing team talk, Wenger steps aside with his team of comedy post-match interview writers to work on his excuses routine. As there have been no incendiary incidents for him to pretend not to have seen, they settle for a cursed-kits bit.
48th Minute
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Arsenal earn a free-kick on the edge of the box and second-half substitute Theo Walcott lines up to take it. However, it's a dummy routine and Mesut Ozil places a pass to Olivier Giroud, who smashes in a thronker!
Ozil earns his 607th assist of the season and Arsenal are back in the game. 2-1!
50th Minute
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The goal appears to have given Arsenal renewed hope as they push forward with vim and vigour.
Esteban Cambiasso plays a careless ball along the floor that's intercepted by Oxlade-Chamberlain. Since he is a very old man, the Argentinian is completely unable to keep pace with the Ox as he dashes past him to slot in the equaliser.
Two goals in two minutes! One more and Arsenal are through to the Round of 16.
The stream of Arsenal mockery on Twitter suddenly goes very quiet. Arsenal's YouTube fan-reaction channels, meanwhile, start to panic at the prospect of having to say something positive.
52nd Minute
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Olympiakos looked impenetrable in the first half, but it's all gone a bit Pete Tong in the opening movements of the second half.
The Greeks give away the ball in their own third during another impressive Arsenal attack, and it falls to the feet of Mathieu Flamini. The Frenchman unleashes a 35-yard shot that looks like it's heading for the corner flag until Dimitris Siovas sends a cruel deflection into his own net.
Unbelievably, Arsenal have scored three goals in five minutes, putting their knockout-stage dream back on track.
Flamini is absolutely ecstatic. But then again, he was ecstatic during the first half because he was thinking about his bank balance.
80th Minute
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Arsenal have neutralised several Olympiakos attacks and seem quite content to knock the ball around the middle of the park. They look to have this one wrapped up.
Surely, the Gunners won't throw it all away to a highly preventable last-minute goal?
90th Minute
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Yeah, you know what's about to happen.
Arsenal take a corner which is cleared and quickly transforms into a counter-attacking move. Felipe Pardo and Fortounis charge up the field with the former setting up the latter for the equaliser.
#PeakArsenal
Full-Time
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It's all over and Arsenal are out of the Champions League. A few months earlier than usual.
After coming so close, the travelling fans are devastated. Arsenal season-ticket holders watching at home spit out their quinoa salads and throw away their coconut waters in disgust. Gunnersaurus throws his season ticket onto the field. And the players look absolutely distraught. Except for Flamini, who is still thinking about his money.
The reaction online from angry Arsenal fans and their schadenfreude-filled rivals is so intense that Twitter actually goes into a real meltdown. Certain users who open the app on their phone in the north London area literally see their phone start to melt in their hands.
Alas, Wenger and his comedy interview writing team take one last run through the post-match kit excuse, and he heads off to face the media.
So, it's the Europa League for the Gunners. You just know it's going to be Thursday night at White Hart Lane. You just know it.
