Ochocinco Wild For Cheese Curds: Week Two of Our Weakly NFL Forecast

It's reality check time for some heading into Week Two.

This picks column needs one, that's for sure, after going 5-11 last week against the spread.

The New Orleans Saints are certain to get a reality check after last week when they beat up on the closest thing to a CFL team that the NFL has to offer.

The Dallas Cowboys and Tony Romo (Does anyone else think he staged that coyote taking Jessica's dog? Just asking.) will get their reality check. You don't give up 450 yards to a Tampa team void of offense and think you're going to beat the New York Giants the next week.

However, the biggest reality check is coming for the man who goes by the name Chad Ochocinco.

Chad Johnson, as he should be known, has been living a life of reality denial for years, but even he will have to admit he was dealing in pure fantasy after Sunday's game at Lambeau Field.

That's because Ochocinco has announced a celebratory "Lambeau Leap" if he gets into the end zone Sunday against the Packers.

“I’m looking for the Cheeseheads to embrace ‘Ocho,''' he said Wednesday on a conference call with Green Bay reporters.

Certainly the Cheeseheads will "embrace” Ocho, who will then be known as "Oucho" after they give him what he richly deserves if he ever does attempt that leap.

Unless it is wearing green and yellow, has the word "Miller" written on the side, or can be eaten on a bun with 'kraut and mustard, the Cheeseheads aren't embracing it.

Besides, you just simply don't want to be embraced by some of those Wisconsin people.

Now it's on to Week Two and time to embrace the reality that, although I was right on 12 of 16 winners, the spread is where it’s at. And 5-11 is very Cutlerish.

The line: Falcons by 6 over Panthers
It’s very apparent that Jake Delhomme has some sort of wager going with Jay Cutler on who can lead the league in interceptions. It’s a dead heat after Week One, but Atlanta is certain to do its share to keep Jake in the running. The pick: Falcons 24, Panthers 20.

The line: Redskins by 9 1/2 over Rams
The Rams managed to surprise the Redskins last year. The only way they could surprise Washington this time would be to show up looking like a legit NFL team. The pick: Redskins 31, Rams 17.

The line: Titans by 7 over Texans
If the Jets were able to hold the Texans to a touchdown last week, Tennessee’s defense might hold Houston to negative points. And if this keeps up, Matt Schaub is sure to hear the public outcry for Rex Grossman. Or not. The pick: Titans 14, Texans 3.

The line: Eagles by 3 over Saints
Donovan McNabb’s injury status gives New Orleans hope, but the way the Eagles’ defense played last week there is no need for a quarterback. Philly could just as easily punt when it gets the ball. The Saints were 2-6 on the road last year and traditionally can’t play anywhere but in the Stupordome. The pick: Eagles 20, Saints 14.

The line: Patriots by 3 1/2 over Jets
The Patriots can’t be nearly as bad as they looked on their own field against Buffalo when they lucked into a win, and the Jets can’t be nearly as good as they looked last week in stunning Houston. The pick: Patriots 27, Jets 16.

The line: Chiefs by 3 over Raiders
Two teams that gave surprisingly good accounts of themselves in Week One losses. The Raiders look like a team capable of ending their run of six straight seasons of 11 losses or more. But it won’t start this week. The pick: Chiefs 24, Raiders 17.

The line: Jaguars by 3 over Cardinals
The Cardinals can’t be expected to underwhelm two straight games, but the good news for Jacksonville is that no one will see it. It’s a home game, which means empty seats, a TV blackout and more calls for moving the franchise to L.A.—where they can play before more empty seats. The pick: Cardinals 27, Jaguars 20.

The line: Packers by 9 1/2 over Bengals
Fortunately for Chad Ochocinco, he probably won’t have to worry about what will happen to him if he tries to do the “Lambeau Leap.” If the Bungles could manage only a touchdown at home against Denver, then they’re not getting into the end zone at all in Green Bay. The pick: Packers 24, Bengals 6.

The line: Vikings by 10 over Lions
Detroit’s defense last week elevated the Saints’ Mike Bell, who had just 722 yards in three seasons combined, to rush for 143 yards—a career game high. Just imagine what wonders Detroit can work with someone as talented as Adrian Peterson. "Miles" might replace "yards" in the box score this week. The pick: Vikings 27, Lions 13.

The line: Bills by 5 over Bucs
There hasn’t been a worse beating delivered in Buffalo since Patrick Kane got in a taxi last month. The pick: Bills 27, Bucs 10.

The line: 49ers by 1 1/2 over Seahawks
The Niners were able to beat Arizona with only 30 rushing yards from Frank Gore. When they get him rolling, they could be dangerous. It won’t be this week. The pick: Seahawks 17, 49ers 13.

The line: Steelers by 3 over Bears
Jay Cutler’s face won’t have a bored or petulant expression. Instead, it will be an expression of terror as he flees for his life from Pittsburgh’s blitzers. The pick: Steelers 27, Bears 19.

The line: Broncos by 3 over Browns
Finally, Kyle Orton found a way to be more accurate with his passes: bounce it off the hands of one receiver, then to another receiver for an 87-yard touchdown. If he’d discovered this before this year the Bears wouldn’t have wanted to trade him. Against Cleveland, he might not need to bounce it off anyone. Something in the general vicinity should do just fine. The pick: Broncos 17, Browns 16.

The line: Chargers by 3 over Ravens
It makes me feel uncomfortable when the Ravens allow 24 points to any team. That shouldn’t happen, even if they won. Could this be the end of Baltimore's defensive dominance? The pick: Chargers 24, Ravens 17.

The line: Cowboys by 3 over Giants
Tony Romo will be running like a little dog fleeing a coyote when the Giants' pass rush gets after him. The Giants' defensive front will dominate even without injured Chris Canty. The pick: Giants 20, Cowboys 16.

 
The line: Indianapolis by 3 over Miami
Look for the Colts to be distracted because Kendra Wilkinson is at the game to support her husband, who will probably be cut in a week by Indy despite having an injury-riddled receiving corps. The pick: Colts 19, Dolphins 13.