Liver's 2009 Opening Thursday Night Pick

So it seems that after four weeks of meaningless football, the real season is here. The Liver celebrated by going on a three-day binge that had him feeling his chest was going to go on permanent vacation. But there are some positives. Just in the last week alone, the Liver has thanked God on several occasions that he ISN’T an NFL offensive coordinator or Shawne Merriman.

Come on Shawne, you can’t do better then Tila f***ing Tequila? There are girls at all-nude strip clubs right now that are better looking and classier then her. Is it just the Liver or has it come to the point in this society where young girls try to out-whore each other? Thank you Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan for teaching the young women of America that it’s cool to be a stupid, uneducated whore.

Ahh the joys of being a Cowboys fan. 

It seems that Tony Romo is still more concerned with getting blonde ass then improving on the football field. His latest squeeze? Some blonde named Candace Crawford who is a former Missouri beauty queen and is described as a “local Dallas sports anchor” who hosts a weekly show about the Cowboys. Funny how NO ONE knew who the hell she was until recently.  My confidence in Romo seems to wane by the day now. It’s almost to the point where I want to stick his nuts on a George Foreman grill and slam the top down. Maybe then he would concentrate on his goddamn job.

I’m sure by now that everyone is familiar with the new monstrocity that is Cowboys Stadium. Whether it’s the $40 million scoreboard or the $60 pizzas or the reasonably priced $75 seats where you can see one-third of the playing field, Cowboys Stadium has all the potential to be the new Yankees Stadium of the NFL. And then I wonder why the Cowboys along with the Yankees and Lakers form the evil sports axis that people love to hate.

But it seems that Cowboys Stadium one-ups Yankees Stadium when it comes to quirky home-field advantages. Cowboys Stadium has a secret weapon; the world's largest punt-blocking video screen, a massive 160-by-90-foot TV built specifically to give fans in the cheap seats a visual reminder that they are actually attending a football game yet STILL WATCHING it on T.V. The NFL has already ruled that when a ball hits the screen, the down will be replayed. Ridiculous.

Although not quite as ridiculous as the University of Texas ranking #24 of AMERICA'S 25 DOUCHIEST COLLEGES in f***ing GQ Magazine because the school is “Definitely douchey, but we're not totally sure why.” That’s the direct quote from the magazine. The Liver read it while he was waiting for a haircut.  What a grand, well-researched observation. Third graders make better arguments then that. Not only that but Oklahoma is NOWHERE on the list? Oh well, their season is already over with their two best offensive players injured. Too bad Sam Bradford couldn’t follow Jermaine Gresham’s example and be done for the season. October 17th can’t come soon enough.

Remind me to cast my vote for GQ as douchiest magazine in existence. I’m not thin skinned when it comes to criticism of my alma matter or its sports teams but you have to have a better reason then that. And did I tell you that Oklahoma is NOWHERE on that list?

Come to think of it, the Liver is calling for a boycott of GQ magazine. I urge all his readers…all 7 of you now…to NEVER SPEND MONEY ON THAT MAGAZINE. Oh, I was trying to hypnotize you there. Hope it worked. Here goes…SEND ME LOTS OF MONEY NOW. Guess only time will tell if that works.

As Rick Pitino would say as he blames the media for reporting on his trousers trangressions,” Let’s get on to more important things like the economy and basketball.” Apparently Rick was a big Ted Kennedy fan too. I wonder what they could possible have in common.

Of course it goes without saying that the following pick AGAINST THE SPREAD is for RECREATIONAL USE ONLY. Only Rick Pitino, LeGarrette Blount, Donte’ Stallworth, Tila Tequila, Isiah Thomas, Travis Henry, Greg McMackin, the Liver’s biological father (a.k.a. The Most Interesting Man in the World) and all Somali Pirates would be drunk enough to question the Esteemed Liver's pick.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Tennessee (+6) at Pittsburgh

Even though this will be the eighth year of the season starting on a Thursday night, it still seems weird. Yes, there is a game Thursday night that means something, but the season doesn’t really start until Sunday. Nevertheless since the NFL started the season on Thursday nights, the home team has won six of seven times. Look for this game to make it seven of eight times.

The Steelers defied common wisdom last year as they won a Super Bowl with an inconsistent offensive line that had four players in new positions and that allowed Ben Roethlisberger to be sacked 46 times. With a year under their belt, look for that to improve. Their running game was injured and inconsistent for much of the season and the team is still awaiting Rashard Mendenhall to live up to his first round draft status.

Willie Parker MUST be healthy for this team to be successful on the ground but has had a bad hamstring for much of the preseason. The Steelers’ chances for defending its Super Bowl and laying a claim along with New England for team of the decade remains Roethlisberger, who has firmly established himself as one of the game’s big-time QBs that can make plays with the game on the line despite less then mind-blowing stats, and their dominating defense which should be just as nasty as they were last season under the ever-young Dick LeBeau. As long as those two aspects don’t drop off from last year, the Steelers should be right there with New England and Indianapolis atop the AFC when the dust settles.

As for Tennessee, the Liver is one of those who think that their 13-3 record last year was due more to an easy schedule then anything else. Kerry Collins isn’t the long-term answer at QB and showed his 36 years of age in the playoffs last year. Then again, and it pains me to say this, neither is Vince Young. Their offense is predicated on their running back tandem of Chris Johnson and LenDale White. Expect much of the same this year with the Titans being a run-first, grind-it-out team. But with receivers whose own mothers couldn’t pick them out of a police lineup, expect defenses to load the box, blitz and dare Collins to throw the ball. That’s exactly what Pittsburgh will do in this game with arguably the best linebacking corps in the league that includes the reigning NFL Defensive Player of the Year James Harrison and LaMarr Woodley.

The Titans’ defense was also a significant factor in their playoff run last year but expect the defection of Albert “Cleats” Haynesworth to hurt them against the run. If you don’t believe that, consider that in the five games that Haynesworth didn’t start from 2007-2008, the Titans were 1-4 and gave up at least 27 points. Kyle Vanden Bosch MUST return to his 2007 form when he had 12 sacks. Jeff Fisher is one of the Liver’s favorite coaches and his teams ALWAYS come to play but I just can’t see the Titans having the same kind of success they had last year.

Pick: Pittsburgh