What's Wrong With Bleacher Report? The Short Answer...You

    My apologies for the photo, had to go with something, and in some small way, this photo seemed appropriate.   See, I found this site about four months ago, and grew to enjoy it immediately.  I began to comb through article after article, looking for opinions and information, and commonly found what I was looking for.

But I also found something else.  Problems.

    See, there are those of you out there, who due to some level of professionalism I've dug up deep inside of myself will remain nameless, who for various reasons, are a very real problem with this site.  I've managed to group you into four different groups.  Each of you are responsible for an overall lack of integrity that spreads to every user of this website, and I've grown tired of having to work through your articles and comments to find context, as I'm sure many others have.

    As I said, I will not point you out individually, in part because I feel that would reflect as a lack of integrity myself, and in part because I have neither the time nor the inclination to go through every article of yours to post a link for everyone to see.

    The fact is, we all know who you are.  Anyone that doesn't, I'm probably writing about you.

Group one:

The "look how smart I am, I primarily use the site to wax existentialist" crowd.

    Someone once said "If it weren't for sports, all we'd have to talk about is politics and religion".  Advice you should heed.  You write articles that claim that slavery is to blame for Michael Vick's ignorance.  You attempt to make everything a political statement, and then when an athlete attempts to make diplomatic statements, you trash him for being a liar.  For a political genius, you're a bit dense.

    You begin your bio with a sentence like "Is the truth out there, or is it under your nose"

    Wow, deep.

    You claim to have filed multiple complaints to the FCC about the bias represented by opinion shows, like Around the Horn, and Pardon the Interruption.  I'm left picturing an old Jewish woman, complaining about anything on television that doesn't star Angela Lansbury, or isn't slotted on ABC between 7 and 8pm.  I hope you have actually filed your complaints, as I'm sure each member of the FCC whose desk your complaints have crossed, took home a copy to post on their refrigerator, thus allowing them a good laugh each morning, as they wake up and make their coffee.

    You think your use of "big words" will fool everyone into thinking that you are some intellectual genius, and thus we will forgive the lack of context.

    You sir, are incorrect.  You aren't "deep", or "cutting edge", you are pompous, and when I read your articles that go around and around in circles because it only revolves around one nonsensical point, I'm left with only a headache.

    My advice, put the thesaurus down, and write something less self-indulgent, and something more appropriate for the medium on which you are typing.  Or just go wax existentialism on your Myspace page. Leave this site to us.

    Group two:

The "I'm syndicated everywhere, and I'm only on this site for fun" crowd

    Really? 

    You pour everyone's articles with statements about how great you are and that this website is simply "your hobby time".  You'd think you'd have some other hobby to consume your free time, what with all the professional writing you do.  You list your rankings in your bio, as though we care, and you don't seem to realize that rankings are flawed.

    Good for you, you have more free time than I. 

    You repeatedly proclaim proudly, "Well, I am the number one Bronco's writer, as well as the number three MLB writer", and ranked here, and here,etc. "Not to mention that I'm published" on this site, and that site, etc.

    Okay, right, and I bet your dad could beat up my dad, too.

    The most infuriating part is that there is actually some credence to the articles that you write.  They are, in fact, well, good.

    My advice:  shut up, and let your writing speak for itself.

    Group three:

    The "Self righteous, I don't want to be a scribe or columnist, because I'm better than that" crowd.

    Then what are you doing here? Seriously.

    You spend all of your time going from article to article, making comments that have nothing to do with the subject matter.  Full of resentment and conceit at the same time, I will give you this, your are at least, enigmatic.

    Then we read your articles, they have promise.  Well, the titles do.  As we read on we find that each article is just an avenue for you to use phrases like "the self righteous 'scribes' yellowed teeth chattering as they angrily type away."-Not a direct quote, but close enough.

    Hmmn... Sports nerds.  Interesting concept.  And sadly, you still wonder why you can't move up in the ranks.

    For the love of God, try actually writing about something.

Finally, Group Four:

    The "I write monosyllabic articles with Titles like 'Gator Football is #1' without the common decency to, at the very least spell-check my work" crowd.

    Your comments are filled with anger, granted probably because all eloquence is lost. Sorry, you'll probably need to look up eloquence, here you go.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/eloquence

    After reading that definition, you'll probably need to look up aptness and fluency as well, but I'm not here to do all of the work for you.

    You're already well into week three of your College football predictions, and the season hasn't started, but Surprise, the Gators have yet to lose!  Your Grammatical errors kill all of us - "I've decided to analysis"? At least hand your article over someone more intelligent (shouldn't be difficult) to proofread before you publish it.  And the orange button right above the green one?  Try hitting that first.

My advice:  Drive to your local Community College and enroll in English 101, or wherever they place you, and come back in a year or so.

    As I stated, as much as I'd love to point each and every one of you out, I won't.

Why?

    Well, for group one, "I refuse to subjugate myself to the pithy behavior that you choose to exemplify."

    For Group two: "I'm better than you, and don't have the time, as I'm so busy with all of the other websites I'm on."

    For group three: "I don't need to fall to that level as some 'scribes and columnists' may, as they frantically click away."

    And for group four:  "I are more profeshunal than you are."

Click away my friends,

-J

*note - both oddly, and hilariously, I hit spell check upon completion of this article, and it error'd out.