Sports Craziness That Will Haunt Your Dreams

For some things, context means everything. Context is why 'scary' costumes rarely evoke as much as single heart palpitation on Halloween and why anyone who superfluously wears shorts in January looks like a jerk.

For other things, context is completely irrelevant, because they are immutably weird or creepy, like a grown man riding a bus in clown makeup.

Sports are not usually thought of as fertile ground for haunting sights and sounds, but that just means that when something is, it stands out even more—like a baby holding a throwing star. If nothing else, the fact that sporting events often include an adult dancing around in a plush mascot costume, means the potential is certainly there for a haunting moment.

Here's some stuff in sports that will haunt your dreams forever.

Hair Scare

During the 2014 playoffs, the Rangers held a contest which asked fans, “What would you do for #NYRPlayoffs tickets?” Although a number of fellas answered the call with fantastically terrible haircuts, the creepy gaze of winger Rick Nash easily bested its closest competitors.

The face in the photo isn’t even the final version—click here to see the finished product. Imagine having to sit behind that guy at the game! You’d probably miss half the action, constantly looking down to make sure those eyes didn’t just move.

Gus Malzahn Dancing

Auburn Tigers head coach Gus Malzahn is considered many things—a great offensive mind, a serial wearer of sweater-vests—one thing he is not, however, is someone you want to see dance. Last year, a video surfaced from when Malzahn was a high school football coach in the 1990s and it makes you emotionally relive every naked-in-front-of-people dream of your life.

The awful, ancient video-effects, the song, the meaty mustache-guy on keys, and Malzahn's dancing— horrible, horrible dancing—it's all too much.

Zombie Chelsea Fan

Zombies are great in movies and television shows, but they can be a bit menacing in breaking the fourth wall and crossing over into real life. Like this undead soccer fan, who haunted Chelsea coaches and players during a game against Manchester United on Halloween 2012.

At one point she even tries to take a bite out of one of them, but misses. Which is actually kind of unfortunate, because it looks like she could use a good meal—it’s like zombie Ally McBeal.

Australian Wrestling Maniac

Chris McGrath/Getty Images

Judging on this 2009 photo from inside the Australian Wrestling Federation, it seems as though wresting Down Under is a smidgen more intense than it is here in the United States.

Brock Lesnar is what passes for a heel these days, but he doesn’t have anything on this masked lunatic wielding a sledgehammer. The closest Lesnar has to a weapon is that cheesy sword tattooed on his chest.

Birdman Photobomb

Jesse D. Garrabrant/Getty Images

Heat forward Chris Andersen’s game isn’t especially intimidating, which may be why he’s spent years tweaking his unconventional look—all those bright colors and aggressive hairstyles distract his opponents, thereby improving his own performance. That’s one theory, anyway!

Whatever the reasons are behind Birdman’s look, one thing we know for sure is that it makes him a most formidable force in the photobomb department. Here he is making memories behind a Heat reporter during Game 2 of the 2014 NBA Finals.

Evil Knight

Steven Freeman/Getty Images

When the Nets moved from New Jersey to New York in 2012, an unfortunate addition joined the team taking up residence in Brooklyn. The aforementioned addition was the BrooklynKnight, who was “billed as the protector of Brooklyn and a cool mascot for kids,” that per the NY Daily News.

With a surprisingly menacing stare and a confusing backstory, the metallic freakshow became the object of public ridicule from the moment it was first lowered from the rafters at the Barclays Center. Mercifully, BrooklynKnight was given the stanky boot in 2014.

Basketball in the Big Apple is already terrifying enough, this monster just added insult to injury.

Boundary-Impaired Pacers Fan

Last December a Pacers fan, completing lacking in a solid sense of personal boundaries and self-control, leaned in on forward Lavoy Allen and did pretty much the creepiest possible thing he could’ve done—he sniffed him.

Sniffing someone you don’t know intimately is almost always a terrible idea. It makes the sniffer look like a lecherous weirdo and it makes the sniffee very uncomfortable. Throw in a wild-eyed stare and television cameras, and the badness is only compounded.

Jim Boeheim Squared

Chris Chambers/Getty Images

As if one Jim Boeheim wasn’t enough! These Syracuse fans at a Big East Tournament game against Pitt in 2013 had Orange fans, not to mention the rest of us, seeing triple with these freaky facemasks.

What doesn’t make sense is how one of them managed to screw it up so badly. It’s like one of them is Jim Boeheim and one of them is Buffalo Bill wearing Jim Boeheim. ::shudder::

Subjected to Streaking

Al Bello/Getty Images

Listen, there’s no doubt that some people out there get weirdly angry about nudity and spend large portions of their lives freaking out about it. But you don’t have to be an uptight prude to realize that stripping naked isn’t always an appropriate course of action.

Nudity has its time(s) and place(s), but a stadium full of strangers is neither the time nor the place. Charging the field at a game is a bad decision in and of itself, one which is only compounded when aggressive (usually male) nudity is thrown into the mix.

Mexican Melted Gene Simmons

Brian Kersey/Getty Images

Fans on hand to see the 1-1 draw between Costa Rica and Mexico at the 2009 CONCACAF Cup ran the very real risk of lifelong traumatization with this guy roaming the stadium. That’s in addition to the ever-present threat of large-scale riots and fires.

This is truly one of the most terrifying masks you’ll ever see—good luck finding a monster mask anywhere near as horrifying as this thing, which looks a bit like Gene Simmons tried to give himself a glamour makeover after nuclear waste accident.

Pete Carroll's Play Call

Jamie Squire/Getty Images

What happens over the course football game is typically a very subjective experience; it all depends on who you want to win, or who you want to lose. The improbable ending of Super Bowl XLIX is one of those moments that transcended all the prejudices of the average football fan.

When Seahawks head coach Pete Carroll inexplicably called for a pass play on the goal-line—seemingly on the verge of winning the game—the entire world screamed, "WTF," as Patriots cornerback Malcolm Butler stepped in front of Ricardo Lockette to steal victory.

Carroll's bewildering decision was truly haunting.

Chris Bosh Champagne Shower

If Heat big man Chris Bosh was magically gifted a do-over for one event in his life, it’s hard to imagine the sultry champagne shower he gave himself in the locker room after winning the championship in 2012 wouldn’t at least make the list of serious considerations.

Bosh’s impromptu performance is probably too racy for most actual champagne rooms, let alone a live airing on SportsCenter. He’s not the only one haunted by this scandalous scene either, most everyone who has seen it is too.

Kevin Garnett's Glare

Ann Heisenfelt/Associated Press

Now back with the Bucks in Milwaukee, big man Kevin Garnett has been one of the most intimidating forces (and faces) in the NBA for almost two decades. That intense mid-scream glare is KG’s signature face, having likely appeared in the nightmares of more than a few opponents over the years.

The only thing more haunting than realizing Garnett could take your head off in a single bite, is the knowledge that it’s only a matter of time before he does.

NBA's Protective Face Masks: Clearly Upsetting

Jesse D. Garrabrant/Getty Images

In February 2014, the Heat’s LeBron James (now with the Cavaliers) joked on Instagram that he might have to wear a Bane mask after sustaining a nose injury in a game against the Thunder. He didn’t go full supervillain, but James definitely moved towards the dark side, sporting a creepy black mask.

The black mask was impressively intimidating, yet it wasn’t nearly as horrifying as the clear plastic we normally see. Apparently the NBA is a big fan of freaking folks out though, because they immediately put the kibosh on the King’s face wear.

Oregon Cheer's Scary Stare

Finally a compelling reason look away from the famously stunning Oregon Ducks cheerleaders! Ya know, other than the women in your life hitting you in the arm and calling you a ‘perv.’

In 2012 Ducks cheerleaders debuted these crazy contacts, presumably used to hypnotize Oregon opponents—or freak them the hell out. Either way!

Demonic Contacts

Gary Wiepert/Associated Press

The Oregon contacts were bad; the devilishly red contacts favored by NFL players like Mario Williams and Kyle Vanden Bosch are worse. Much, much worse.

Aggressive Crow Videobombs NHL Rink Construction

In February 2015 the NHL’s Stadium Series had moved to Santa Clara, Calif., where a camera was setup to capture a time-lapse video of the rink being constructed at Levi’s Stadium.

As if sensing the video was destined to doomed by its own boringness, a curious crow swoops in to investigate. Right around the nine second mark the crow goes from curious to surprisingly aggressive.

Even though there’s no sound, beyond the terrible soundtrack booming in the background, you can almost feel the bird’s screams. The next time you see those beady eyes will be on your deathbed, when the crow returns to claim your soul.

Florida Fan Stares into Your Soul

Considering how massive crowds are at sporting events, particularly college football games, it’s always an impressive feat when a single person manages to stand out amongst them. To draw attention to themselves, fans usually pull something out of the standard back of tricks.

We’re talking about wearing costumes, bright colors, waving creative signage, being an attractive woman, dancing and/or disrobing. None of which were needed by the Florida Gators fan in this video from October 2012—this guy’s cold, dead stare offers a stark contrast to all the gator-clapping girls around him mugging for the cameras.

Sochi Mascot Menace

Streeter Lecka/Getty Images

Appropriately dubbed “Nightmare Bear,” this accidentally creepy mascot haunted Sochi, and by extension the world, throughout the 2014 Winter Olympics.

The American men’s hockey team got an unpleasant surprise during competition, when they looked up to see that creeper creeping on them from above.

Torry Holt's Freaky Finger

YouTube

What the what!? Wide receiver Torry Holt played 11 seasons in the NFL before retiring in 2009. Although he probably should’ve retired two years earlier, since that’s when he technically lost his damn mind.

Holt sustained a broken finger in a game during the 2007 season and, rather than seeking out a trained medical professional to put the mangled phalange back in place, opted instead to do…not that.

Holt thinks of the freaky finger as a trophy—a nod to the old school tough guys like Jack Youngblood—having called it a “symbol” of his work ethic.

Mike Tyson's Bite

JACK SMITH/Associated Press

In 1997, notorious boxer Mike Tyson squared off against Evander Holyfield in a $100 million rematch between the two heavyweights. Tyson lost the first fight in an 11th Round upset and appeared over-matched against Holyfield after the first two rounds.

Then in the third, while horrified spectators looked on, Tyson spit out his mouth-piece and treated Holyfield's ear like a stubborn piece of beef jerky. As if Mike Tyson didn't already have his fair share of haunting moments before dabbling in cannibalism, the sight of him sinking his teeth into Holyfield's ear is terrifying.

Rolando McClain's Arrest Photo

AP Photo

If you didn’t know the details of (then) Raiders linebacker Rolando McClain’s December 2011 arrest, well then you might not find this photo (taken as police took him into custody) especially unsettling. Like maybe he’s just a positive person with a gift for making the best out of a bad situation!

But the context of the photo changes dramatically when you learn that the reason he’s being arrested stemmed from an incident the evening prior in which McClain held a gun to the head of a man as he begged for his life. McClain didn’t shoot the man, but he did fire a round at very close range to his ear.

Nothing like making a man beg for his life to make another man smile!