Best and Worst Athlete Wax Figures

In 1970, robotics researcher Dr. Masahiro Mori coined the term, "uncanny valley," to describe the intrinsic creepiness we ascribe to something that looks almost human, but not quite. Most statues don't veer into the "uncanny valley," because they're often created from a material like bronze and depict its subject on a much larger scale.

This is why the Lincoln Memorial in Washington is a cherished destination for visitors, rather than horrifying spectacle onlookers fear may come to life and terrorize the city.

Wax Figures—a staple of odd-ball museums in tourist destinations like Niagara Falls and Hollywood—are designed to look human. The very kitschy, weirdness of wax figures is exactly why they are compelling despite occupying a place squarely in the "uncanny valley."  

Celebrities and historical figures, living and dead, are cast as glassy-eyed, waxen doppelgangers—including famous athletes around the world. 

And though a wax figure is intended to be inanimate version of the person it honors, not all wax figures are successful. For sports stars who get the wax-figure treatment, some are so life-like, they clearly belong in the "uncanny valley." Others are so awful, they can either make you laugh or give you nightmares.

These are the best and worst athlete wax figures.

Best: Carmelo Anthony

AP Photo/Frank Franklin II

Knicks star Carmelo Anthony’s wax figure is about as good as it gets—it even looks a little more normal than the actual Carmelo Anthony. That’s not to say that Melo looks abnormal, but it’s hard to shake the suspicion that he’s wearing those glasses strictly for fashion reasons.

Worst: Andy Murray

Warren Little/Getty Images

The wax figure of Scotland’s Andy Murray certainly does him no favors. Somehow it manages to suck out any trace of adorability, replacing it entirely with awkwardness. The hair is pretty solid, though.

Best: Mo Farah

Joel Ryan/Associated Press

British distance running Olympian Mo Farah must have a really moldable face or something, because that thing looks exactly like him. If the wax figure weren't doing the weird thing with his arms, it’d be extremely difficult to tell the difference between them.

Worst: Kobe Bryant

Ronald Martinez/Getty Images, David Livingston/Getty Images

There’s something just not quite right about this wax figure of aging Lakers star Kobe Bryant—something besides the inaccurate hairline. There was obviously an attempt made to capture some of that trademark Kobe intensity, but it reads more crazy person intense than athlete intense.

Best: Pavel Nedved

Petr David Josek/Associated Press

Retired Czech striker Pavel Nedved, one-time European Footballer of the Year, translates well to wax. He looks a fair bit younger as a statue, but that’s one of the benefits of being molded from wax.

Worst: Lionel Messi

Jamie Squire/Getty Images, Boris Streubel/Getty Images

Barcelona superstar forward Lionel Messi has been created in wax by Madame Tussauds' ghoulish minions at least twice, neither of which were winners. This one is a little more realistic in the face; it’s also a little creepier than the one above. No question, though, they’re both awful.

Best: The Rock

AP Photo/Richard Drew

In real life, WWE Superstar The Rock, also known as actor Dwayne Johnson, looks like he’s carved out of stone, so it makes sense that he’d translate so well into other statue mediums. The only thing not right about this scene is that The (real) Rock isn’t wearing a leather vest too.

Worst: Troy Polamalu

Andrew H. Walker/Getty Images

Brought to you by Madame Tussauds and Head & Shoulders, Steelers safety Troy Polamalu was immortalized in wax as part of some sort of half-baked corporate promotion back in 2011. It’s no surprise they got the hair right, but the face is a little wonky.

Worst: Serena Williams

AP Photo/Peter Kramer

This is another one that is tough to figure out. Tennis great Serena Williams seems quite pleased with Madame Tussauds' final product, which is something! Even so, the hair and body are both fine, but things didn’t quite come together in the face.

It looks like Serena Williams if Serena Williams were high on that crazy stuff dentists give people getting their wisdom teeth out.

Undecided: Sebastian Vettel

Mark Thompson/Getty Images, Cristof Stache/Getty Images

German Formula One racer Sebastian Vettel’s wax figure seems to have captured his personality—or what I’ve gleaned as his personality based on the zillions of photos of the guy I just scrolled through—which is good. But it's definitely a little off on some of the physical features, which is why it's difficult to come down firmly on one side or the other. 

Worst: Mike Tyson

AP Photo/Nick Ut , AP Photo/Lennox McClendon

This thing is a horror show, which makes sense, given its placement at the Hollywood Wax Museum in Los Angeles. Apparently this truly awful wax figure of boxer Mike Tyson was moved from the sports section to the “Chamber of Horrors” in 1997, where he was placed alongside Hannibal Lecter from Silence of the Lambs.

Worst: Alex Ovechkin

AP Photo/Carolyn Kaster, Kris Connor/Getty Images

Capitals superstar forward Alex Ovechkin has got more personality alone than most NHL teams have on their entire roster. And it’s safe to say Madame Tussauds didn’t even come close to capturing it with this starry-eyed replica. The hair is adequately ridiculous, and the teeth look alright, but nothing else does.

Best: Usain Bolt

Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images, Fred Duval/Getty Images

Legendary Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt was clearly given the gold-medal treatment by Madame Tussauds, because this wax figure is pretty solid—and "pretty solid" is as good as these things get. The physical features look fairly accurate, and the pose, as well as the look on its face, capture Bolt’s confidence and likable nature.

Best: Derek Jeter

Fred Duval/Getty Images

Big surprise. Recently retired Yankee, and bona fide national treasure, Derek Jeter’s wax figure is understated perfection—something that is darn near impossible to achieve in the waxy arts. The Jeet has always transcended the mess around him. 

Worst: Sylvester Stallone

David Livingston/Getty Images, YouTube

Okay, so Sylvester Stallone isn’t technically an athlete, even if he has beaten that Rocky franchise into the ground. Then again, I’m not sure that what Stallone does technically qualifies as acting either.

Anyway! Sly’s wax figure is a mess—not like a Rocky V mess, though, it’s close. More like a Rocky IV mess. His body is obviously way too generous, but perhaps that’s to make up for the fact that his face is melting.

Worst: Cristiano Ronaldo

Ryan Pierse/Getty Images, Cindy Ord/Getty Images

Real Madrid superstar Cristiano Ronaldo has a high-maintenance look. Whether or not you appreciate the final product, it’s plainly apparent that he spends a fair bit of time and money on maintaining his meticulously overworked appearance.

If only Madame Tussauds had invested even half the time the real Ronaldo does into his looks, maybe that wax figure wouldn’t be such an abject disaster. The eyebrows aren’t bad, but everything else is.

Worst: Joe Montana

AP Photo/Atkins, Cindy Ord/Getty Images

Well, this is terrifying. Maybe it’s because they only had old photos to work with, but this throwback wax figure of Hall of Fame 49ers quarterback Joe Montana is just all kinds of wrong. The hairline, the hair, the "fivehead," the chin dimple and the overall head shape are all out of whack.

Someone needs to put this thing in front of a hot fire, stat! Watching it slowly melt down into a puddle sounds like it would be very cathartic. 

Best: Tony Parker

AP Photo/Francoi Mori

What’s great about this one is that Suns superstar point guard Tony Parker actually looks creepier than the wax figure. The statue may have that trademark disconcertingly vacant stare these things are known for, but human being Tony Parker manages to outdo that with a mischievous smirk that leaves us worried about wax Tony Parker’s safety.

Worst: Wayne Rooney

Jamie McDonald/Getty Images, Chris Jackson/Getty Images

Manchester United’s Wayne Rooney’s wax figure is unpleasant, which means it definitely captures the guy’s overall essence. It doesn’t capture his physical appearance nearly as well, though. That hairline is especially generous.

Best: Mesut Ozil

Sascha Steinbach/Getty Images

German footballer Mesut Ozil looks quite pleased with his waxy doppelganger, as well he should. This is one of the best and least creepy of the bunch. What is creepy is how much this guy looks like Bruno Mars.

Worst: Eli Manning

Cindy Ord/Getty Images, Patrick McDermott/Getty Images

Giants quarterback Eli Manning has a man-child/weirdly boyish essence that is most definitely captured in this wax figure. Essence aside, however, this is not an especially accurate physical representation of Manning. It just looks like a creepy wax statue and isn’t nearly as lifelike as some of the better ones on this list.

Even Worse: Eli Manning

Al Bello/Getty Images, Andy Kropa/Getty Images

Why, God, why!? This puts the wax figure in the previously slide into perspective. Honestly, aside from the weird coloration, this Eli Manning face might actually be a little more realistic than the other. Which clearly isn’t a good thing.

Best: Lance Armstrong

AP Photo/Christopher Ena, Barry King/Getty Images

This is probably the last list of the "best" anything disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong will ever appear on. The wax figure is a fairly accurate physical representation of Armstrong, but it’s not nearly as soulless looking and dead behind the eyes as its fleshy counterpart.

Worst: David Wright

AP Photo/Peter Morgan, Doug Benc/Getty Images

Overall, the waxy manifestation of Mets slugger David Wright isn’t totally atrocious. Madame Tussauds definitely got a few things right, particularly those eyebrows. Unfortunately, though, the whole thing skids into the gutter around the mouth. The figure’s jaw looks oddly misshapen, and nothing about the lips or toothy smile sit well either.

Best: Pele

Cindy Ord/Getty Images

Brazilian soccer legend Pele is, as usual, in a class of his own. This particular waxy replication from his playing days is anything but a spot-on match, physically. There’s definitely a resemblance, which would be fine if that thing was supposed to be Pele’s brother.

That being said, take Pele out of the photo and that statue could, from a distance, pass for a friendly and approachable human being. There’s something going on that animates it in a way that is very unusual for this particular creative medium.

Undecided: David Beckham

Robert Mora/Getty Images, AP Photo/Vincent Yu

Even after staring at this one for an inappropriate length of time, given the absurdity of the subject, I couldn’t decide whether this wax figure of English footballer David Beckham is among the best or the worst. The features are accurate enough, but the statue is a little too pretty.

But then again, Beckham is a very pretty man, so of course, the figure is going to be pretty. I just don’t know! It’s not terrible, and yet it’s also not very good.

Worst: David Beckham

Mike Marsland/Getty Images, YouTube

This one is far less ambiguous. If you were wondering in the previous side, “How pretty is too pretty…for a man?,” here’s your answer. Again, David Beckham is an extremely beautiful man, but he’s still a man.

This thing’s hair is too long, its eyebrows are too manicured and it appears to be wearing makeup. Tastefully understated and natural makeup, but makeup nonetheless.

Best: Jurgen Klinsmann

AP Photo/Jan Bauer, AP Photo/Michael Probst

Well before becoming coach of the U.S. men’s national soccer team, Jurgen Klinsmann was a superstar footballer on the German national team. This wax figure of him from his playing days isn’t entirely offensive to look at, which automatically qualifies as one of the best.

Best: Dale Earnhardt

AP Photo/Joe Cavaretta, AP Photo/Chris O’Meara

Wax figures tend to go wrong around the eyes, which is why NASCAR great Dale Earnhardt, with his trademark sunglasses, is a perfect subject. When it comes to people molded from wax, the less we can see, the better.

Worst: Dirk Nowitzki

AP Photo/Franka Bruns

Props to Mavericks big man Dirk Nowitzki for being a good sport about his freak-show counterpart. Here’s another one that looks technically accurate, but something isn’t quite right. And it’s hard to identify what went wrong—the individual features seem to work, they just don’t all work as a unit.

Best: Steven Gerrard

AP Photo/Tim Hales

English footballer Steven Gerrard’s wax figure is, by far, the most creepily lifelike in the bunch. It’s the only one that could potentially be challenging to identify in real life standing next to its fleshy counterpart.