Best and Worst Athlete Wax Figures
In 1970, robotics researcher Dr.ย Masahiro Mori coined the term,ย "uncanny valley," to describe the intrinsic creepiness we ascribe to something that looksย almostย human, but not quite. Most statues don't veer into the "uncanny valley," because they're often created from a material like bronze and depict its subject on a much larger scale.
This is why the Lincoln Memorial in Washington is a cherished destination for visitors, rather than horrifying spectacle onlookers fear may come to life and terrorize the city.
Wax Figuresโa staple of odd-ball museums in tourist destinations like Niagara Falls and Hollywoodโare designed toย lookย human. The very kitschy, weirdness of wax figures is exactly why they are compelling despite occupying a place squarely in the "uncanny valley." ย
Celebrities and historical figures, living and dead, are cast as glassy-eyed, waxen doppelgangersโincluding famous athletes around the world.ย
And though a wax figure isย intendedย to be inanimate version of the person it honors, not all wax figures are successful. For sports stars who get the wax-figure treatment, some are so life-like, they clearly belong in the "uncanny valley." Others are so awful, they can either make you laugh or give you nightmares.
These are the best and worst athlete wax figures.
Best: Carmelo Anthony
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Knicks star Carmelo Anthonyโs wax figure is about as good as it getsโit even looks a little more normal than the actual Carmelo Anthony. Thatโs not to say that Melo looks abnormal, but itโs hard to shake the suspicion that heโs wearing those glasses strictly for fashion reasons.
Worst: Andy Murray
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The wax figure of Scotlandโs Andy Murray certainly does him no favors. Somehow it manages to suck out any trace of adorability, replacing it entirely with awkwardness. The hair is pretty solid, though.
Best: Mo Farah
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British distance running Olympian Mo Farah must have a really moldable face or something, because that thing looks exactly like him. If the wax figure weren't doing the weird thing with his arms, itโd be extremely difficult to tell the difference between them.
Worst: Kobe Bryant
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Thereโs something just not quite right about this wax figure of aging Lakers star Kobe Bryantโsomething besides the inaccurate hairline. There was obviously an attempt made to capture some of that trademark Kobe intensity, but it reads more crazy person intense than athlete intense.
Best: Pavel Nedved
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Retired Czech striker Pavel Nedved, one-time European Footballer of the Year, translates well to wax. He looks a fair bit younger as a statue, but thatโs one of the benefits of being molded from wax.
Worst: Lionel Messi
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Barcelona superstar forward Lionel Messi has been created in wax by Madame Tussauds' ghoulish minions at least twice, neither of which were winners. This one is a little more realistic in the face; itโs also a little creepier than the one above. No question, though, theyโre both awful.
Best: The Rock
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In real life, WWE Superstar The Rock, also known as actor Dwayne Johnson, looks like heโs carved out of stone, so it makes sense that heโd translate so well into other statue mediums. The only thing not right about this scene is that The (real) Rock isnโt wearing a leather vest too.
Worst: Troy Polamalu
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Brought to you by Madame Tussauds and Head & Shoulders, Steelers safety Troy Polamalu was immortalized in wax as part of some sort of half-baked corporate promotion back in 2011. Itโs no surprise they got the hair right, but the face is a little wonky.
Worst: Serena Williams
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This is another one that is tough to figure out. Tennis great Serena Williams seems quite pleased with Madame Tussauds' final product, which is something! Even so, the hair and body are both fine, but things didnโt quite come together in the face.
It looks like Serena Williams if Serena Williams were high on that crazy stuff dentists give people getting their wisdom teeth out.
Undecided: Sebastian Vettel
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German Formula One racer Sebastian Vettelโs wax figure seems to have captured his personalityโor what Iโve gleaned as his personality based on the zillions of photos of the guy I just scrolled throughโwhich is good. But it's definitely a little off on some of the physical features, which is why it's difficult to come down firmly on one side or the other.ย
Worst: Mike Tyson
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This thing is a horror show, which makes sense, given its placement at the Hollywood Wax Museum in Los Angeles. Apparently this truly awful wax figure of boxer Mike Tyson was moved from the sports section to the โChamber of Horrorsโ in 1997, where he was placed alongside Hannibal Lecter from Silence of the Lambs.
Worst: Alex Ovechkin
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Capitals superstar forward Alex Ovechkin has got more personality alone than most NHL teams have on their entire roster. And itโs safe to say Madame Tussauds didnโt even come close to capturing it with this starry-eyed replica. The hair is adequately ridiculous, and the teeth look alright, but nothing else does.
Best: Usain Bolt
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Legendary Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt was clearly given the gold-medal treatment by Madame Tussauds, because this wax figure is pretty solidโand "pretty solid" is as good as these things get. The physical features look fairly accurate, and the pose, as well as the look on its face, capture Boltโs confidence and likable nature.
Best: Derek Jeter
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Big surprise. Recently retired Yankee, and bona fide national treasure, Derek Jeterโs wax figure is understated perfectionโsomething that is darn near impossible to achieve in the waxy arts. The Jeet has always transcended the mess around him.ย
Worst: Sylvester Stallone
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Okay, so Sylvester Stallone isnโt technically an athlete, even if he has beaten that Rocky franchise into the ground. Then again, Iโm not sure that what Stallone does technically qualifies as acting either.
Anyway! Slyโs wax figure is a messโnot like a Rocky V mess, though, itโs close. More like a Rocky IV mess. His body is obviously way too generous, but perhaps thatโs to make up for the fact that his face is melting.
Worst: Cristiano Ronaldo
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Real Madrid superstar Cristiano Ronaldo has a high-maintenance look. Whether or not you appreciate the final product, itโs plainly apparent that he spends a fair bit of time and money on maintaining his meticulously overworked appearance.
If only Madame Tussauds had invested even half the time the real Ronaldo does into his looks, maybe that wax figure wouldnโt be such an abject disaster. The eyebrows arenโt bad, but everything else is.
Worst: Joe Montana
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Well, this is terrifying. Maybe itโs because they only had old photos to work with, but this throwback wax figure of Hall of Fame 49ers quarterback Joe Montana is just all kinds of wrong. The hairline, the hair, the "fivehead," the chin dimple and the overall head shape are all out of whack.
Someone needs to put this thing in front of a hot fire, stat! Watching it slowly melt down into a puddle sounds like it would be very cathartic.ย
Best: Tony Parker
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Whatโs great about this one is that Suns superstar point guard Tony Parker actually looks creepier than the wax figure. The statue may have that trademark disconcertingly vacant stare these things are known for, but human being Tony Parker manages to outdo that with a mischievous smirk that leaves us worried about wax Tony Parkerโs safety.
Worst: Wayne Rooney
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Manchester Unitedโs Wayne Rooneyโs wax figure is unpleasant, which means it definitely captures the guyโs overall essence. It doesnโt capture his physical appearance nearly as well, though. That hairline is especially generous.
Best: Mesut Ozil
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German footballer Mesut Ozil looks quite pleased with his waxy doppelganger, as well he should. This is one of the best and least creepy of the bunch. What is creepy is how much this guy looks like Bruno Mars.
Worst: Eli Manning
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Giants quarterback Eli Manning has a man-child/weirdly boyish essence that is most definitely captured in this wax figure. Essence aside, however, this is not an especially accurate physical representation of Manning. It just looks like a creepy wax statue and isnโt nearly as lifelike as some of the better ones on this list.
Even Worse: Eli Manning
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Why, God, why!? This puts the wax figure in the previously slide into perspective. Honestly, aside from the weird coloration, this Eli Manning face might actually be a little more realistic than the other. Which clearly isnโt a good thing.
Best: Lance Armstrong
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This is probably the last list of the "best" anything disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong will ever appear on. The wax figure is a fairly accurate physical representation of Armstrong, but itโs not nearly as soulless looking and dead behind the eyes as its fleshy counterpart.
Worst: David Wright
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Overall, the waxy manifestation of Mets slugger David Wright isnโt totally atrocious. Madame Tussauds definitely got a few things right, particularly those eyebrows. Unfortunately, though, the whole thing skids into the gutter around the mouth. The figureโs jaw looks oddly misshapen, and nothing about the lips or toothy smile sit well either.
Best: Pele
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Brazilian soccer legend Pele is, as usual, in a class of his own. This particular waxy replication from his playing days is anything but a spot-on match, physically. Thereโs definitely a resemblance, which would be fine if that thing was supposed to be Peleโs brother.
That being said, take Pele out of the photo and that statue could, from a distance, pass for a friendly and approachable human being. Thereโs something going on that animates it in a way that is very unusual for this particular creative medium.
Undecided: David Beckham
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Even after staring at this one for an inappropriate length of time, given the absurdity of the subject, I couldnโt decide whether this wax figure of English footballer David Beckham is among the best or the worst. The features are accurate enough, but the statue is a little too pretty.
But then again, Beckham is a very pretty man, so of course, the figure is going to be pretty. I just donโt know! Itโs not terrible, and yet itโs also not very good.
Worst: David Beckham
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This one is far less ambiguous. If you were wondering in the previous side, โHow pretty is too prettyโฆfor a man?,โ hereโs your answer. Again, David Beckham is an extremely beautiful man, but heโs still a man.
This thingโs hair is too long, its eyebrows are too manicured and it appears to be wearing makeup. Tastefully understated and natural makeup, but makeup nonetheless.
Best: Jurgen Klinsmann
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Well before becoming coach of the U.S. menโs national soccer team, Jurgen Klinsmann was a superstar footballer on the German national team. This wax figure of him from his playing days isnโt entirely offensive to look at, which automatically qualifies as one of the best.
Best: Dale Earnhardt
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Wax figures tend to go wrong around the eyes, which is why NASCAR great Dale Earnhardt, with his trademark sunglasses, is a perfect subject. When it comes to people molded from wax, the less we can see, the better.
Worst: Dirk Nowitzki
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Props to Mavericks big man Dirk Nowitzki for being a good sport about his freak-show counterpart. Hereโs another one that looks technically accurate, but something isnโt quite right. And itโs hard to identify what went wrongโthe individual features seem to work, they just donโt all work as a unit.
Best: Steven Gerrard
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English footballer Steven Gerrardโs wax figure is, by far, the most creepily lifelike in the bunch. Itโs the only one that could potentially be challenging to identify in real life standing next to its fleshy counterpart.
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