Attack Of The Quitting Zombies

I'm quitting Bleacher.

Actually I'm not, it just seems a popular thing to say at the moment. Everywhere I look on Bleacher somebody is making a dramatic announcement of departure, invariably at great length and with a deluded self-righteous pomposity.

I've got a good tip for farewell note writers; keep it short, people lose interest.

The obvious solution to the plethora of long goodbyes is to have an on-line form for the disgruntled, the despairing, and the defeated to complete.

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I (insert name) am quitting Bleacher because:

• Somebody made me cry
• That big girl pulled my hair
• Rotten Ronnie said a rude word
• I'm an attention-seeking twat

(delete where inapplicable)

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The departed would print the form and staple it to their forehead.

Look, let's be sensible about this.

If you want to write here, then write. If you want to leave, then leave, but don't expect anyone to care. Life isn't like that.

So goodbye, I'm missing you already.

There was no need to slam the door.

Twat: Noun

S: (n) fathead, goof, goofball, bozo, jackass, goose, cuckoo, twat, zany (a man who is a stupid incompetent fool)