Inside The Mind With Dr Hayley: D-Generation X

Less than a week after I opened up my clinic and I have been swamped with calls from all over the wrestling world form wrestlers who want my expert skills.

I will admit, trying to get my secretary to sieve through all of the riff raff was so incredibly difficult that they phoned up themselves, saying if they got another call from John Cena, they'd need therapy themselves!

However, going through the list, I found two names that stuck out to me, and they were Shawn Michaels and Triple H. They'd even requested to be seen together!

Of course, the chance to see both members of DX in one go was too much of an opportunity for me to pass up, so I was able to call them and arrange them for this week.

What was going on in their heads? Would they survive being in a room together? Would I be able to go without having to Suck It?

Dr Hayley: Right then, what can I do for you two today then?

Triple H: Well, it's Shawn. He has been acting really funny recently, and I can't seem to get him to snap out of it.

Shawn Michaels: Hang on a second! I've been acting funny?!

Triple H: Yes, that's why I brought you here to see the nice doctor lady.

Shawn Michaels: Oh, I hadn't noticed. I thought you'd taken me to the cinema to see the 'DX Movie'. It's out now at all major film centres!

Triple H: No Shawn, not until later when we are on RAW!

Shawn: Where the thousands in attendance, and the millions watching at home-

Triple H: Yes, I know!

Shawn: Oh OK. Was just, erm, just saying.

Triple H: I know you were Shawn. This is why I'm worried doc. He seems to have let DX consume his mind. He won't eat, he won't sleep, he won't even go to church!

Dr Hayley: Is that why you're with him at the moment then?

Triple H: Heck no! I got told by Vince to keep an eye on him. Since Wrestlemania, he seems to have lost his mind!

Dr Hayley: Wasn't that when he faced the Undertaker?

Shawn: D-D-Don't mention him!

Triple H: Yeah. It seems he is taking the loss slightly hard. Mr Wrestlemania has now become Mr Potato Head, nothing going on upstairs.

Dr Hayley: OK. Have you considered that he might be seeing DX as a time when he had everything in the world, where he didn't have to worry about anyone other than you and him?

Triple H: Hadn't really thought about that doc. Do you think that's why he's following me around at the moment?

Dr Hayley: Maybe. To cure him, I will need to see if I can empty his mind of all negative memories regarding Undertaker and Wrestlemania. Do you allow me to do that Shawn?

(At this point, I pulled out a large, dissolvable tablet. It was either that or an injection, and I weren't getting Sweet Chinned Music for anyone)

Shawn: WHAT?! No way! You aren't putting that down my throat.

Triple H: No Shawn. Listen to me for a second. When she hands it to you, you've got to suck it.

Shawn: Suck what?

Triple H: The tablet. What else did you think?

Shawn: Erm.... Never mind.

(As I handed it to him, he nervously glanced at Triple H before proceeding to suck it. It was at this point that he started to shake about and giggle loudly)

Triple H: Shawn? Can you hear me? What's happening to him?

Dr Hayley: I think he's having a reaction to the tablet. This is very bad!

Triple H: Why? What happens?

Dr Hayley: His mind will go backwards until he becomes a child again. In a few minutes, he won't know anything.

Triple H: And the difference between the result and him now is what exactly?

(At that moment, Shawn then stood up and started to randomly superkick all the plant pots in my room. And my secretary who had just walked in. Poor Stan)

Shawn: I am the king of controversy!

Triple H: Well, what can stop this?!

Shawn: I'm sorry. I love you.

Dr Hayley: Nothing can. We've just got to make sure that nothing traumatises him while he is regressing to his childhood mentality.

Shawn: I'm just a sexy boy

Triple H: *Sniggers*

Shawn: I think I'm cute. I know I'm sexy...

Dr Hayley: This could take a while

(At this point in time, me and Triple H went for a drink, leaving Shawn to climb on my filing cabinet and drop elbows on my cushion. When we returned an hour later, he was sitting on his hands looking around my office with a very confused look on his face. Kind of like Cena after he has been told that he is NOT the most popular guy in the world.)

Shawn: Are you Jesus?

Triple H: Erm.... Yes. I am Jesus-

Dr Hayley: What are you doing?!

Triple H (Whispering): When am I ever going to get the chance to do this again?

Dr Hayley: Fair point.

Shawn: Why is Jesus talking to the lady?

Triple H: This lady is a helper of mine. Now Shawn, let me tell you everything you'd ever need to know.

Shawn: OK. What?

Triple H: Well, Toyboys are overrated, Mr Wrestlemania really means you are compensating for something, never listen to Bret Hart as he is an arse, nobody cares that you haven't won a title in years and, by the way, I'm not really Jesus. I'm Triple H and I run the world.

Shawn: NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Dr Hayley: OK, that's enough Triple H. I've just found out that the tablet only takes about an hour and a half to wear off, so he should be returning to normal any moment now.

Triple H: Damn! Just when I thought that I would finally control him forever.

(Shawn then started to shake and tremble. He did this so much that he fell off the couch, hit his head and snapped out of is trance)

Shawn: Wow. What just happened?

Triple H: Erm, nothing Shawn. Absolutely nothing.

Shawn: What did you do?

Triple H: Nothing.

Shawn: Really?

Triple H: Really.

Shawn: Sure?

Triple H: Yes.

Dr Hayley: Shawn, I couldn't find anything wrong with you. I just think that you need to relax a bit more. Don't do any strenuous thinking for the next few days and you should be fine!

Shawn: Thank you so much doc!

Triple H: Yeah, thanks doc. Real appreciated. Can we go now?

Dr Hayley: Yeah, and remember, if there are any changes, call me straight away.

Triple H: Will do.

(I opened the door and let them both leave. As they were walking down the corridor, there was only one thing that could be heard)

Shawn: Right, erm... what do I do again?

Triple H: Oh, nothing. Nothing at all! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Shawn: That don't sound good...

This article has been a project of my imagination. If you are affected by any of the subjects that were mentioned in this publication, phone me free on 0-800-Mental. This was a public service announcement from D-Generation X, and if you not down with that, we've got two words for you.....