JSF @ ASG: A Pictoral Observation of the All Star Game

 Just like that, in under three hours the first MLB All Star Game to be played in the JSF hometown of St. Louis in 43 years has come to an end.  And since this St. Louisan elected to watch the game from the comforts of his living room, it only seemed appropriate to offer up some baseless observations from last night’s broadcast. 

Sort of like live-blogging…via pictures…and not live.

###MORE###

For reasons unexplained to the audience, Fox chose to feature a caricature of SLU basketball coach Rick Majerus when highlighting Derek Jeter’s player profile. 

Ted Lilly: proof that sometimes being booed by a crowd is more flattering than being cheered.

The All Star Game on Fox was the perfect opportunity to promote the new and soon to be short-lived sitcom starring Michael Strahan called “Brothers” which will debut in the fall.  JSF is patiently waiting the announcement that the mid-season replacement for Brothers will be the Terry Bradshaw vehicle entitled ”Bald Loudmouths”

Just 11 minutes into the broadcast, America was re-introduced to St. Louis’ “Sign Man”, a grown man who has hauls dozens of professionally designed signs complete with snappy lines into the stadium and does everything within his power to get on TV multiple times.   We aren’t joking when we say that he is in the Missouri Sports Hall of Fame (shaking head in shame/disgust). 

He may no longer hold the MLB record for stolen bases, but we defy you to find a better Hall of Fame toupee than the one that Lou Brock wears. 

You couldn’t hear it watching at home, but at the moment this picture was taken, Stan Musial was in the process of verbally undressing Barack Obama for having the balls to wear a White Sox jacket into his house.  Make no mistake, The Man can still get in a pitcher’s head when he wants to.

At the urging of the crowd, Miguel Tejada took off his hat and showed everyone just how things are coming along in his quest to grow out George Bell’s hair from 1987.

Of course there is no way to pinpoint the exact number, but experts have estimated that approximately 73% of all men in the St. Louis metro area would not hesitate to give Albert Pujols an erotic massage if he requested. 

In between batters during his one inning of work, Cardinals closer Ryan Franklin pulled a 12″ Subway Club and a can of Mr. Pibb out of his goatee and enjoyed it on the mound.

Joe Madden figured what the hell, this might be the last time he ever gets to French kiss Mariano Rivera, might as well go for it.

Despite Fox’s objections, Bud Selig insisted on giving MVP Carl Crawford the 36 inch fiberglass dildo that he got at a porn shop during his last trip to Tampa as a trophy.

And with a portion of the red carpet slung over one shoulder (seriously) and a first rate mullet slung over the other, Denny Tidwell and the rest of the St. Louis Cardinals fans wish the baseball world farewell  for now.

---

Subscribe (for free!!) to our weekly sports podcast, deemed "incredible" by two out of three of our moms.

© JoeSportsFan.com, 2009. | Permalink | Tweet This