How To Properly Hate on The Raiders(Humor)

As we are dying for training camps to open up around the NFL, there has not been a lot of good, valued news worthy to work with.  Even more, people in various sites have been trying their hands at putting together "fantasy" guides, guessing at what teams are going to win it all or how the season plays out.

Depending on which way you go, some pick the Raiders to be a surprise playoff team or they could go 3-13, lose the head coach and Al dies of an obscure variety of diseases.

One thing that has been coming up repeatedly is comments made, articles written or opinions shot out at the speed of light, lacking fundamental football knowledge.

For these unenlightened, I offer this handy writing guide on hating on the Raiders.  Granted, I have heard all the arguments.  I have followed the team long enough to know that hate carries over from generation to generation ... and apparently, stupidity.

Number One: Hate the Owner - This is a simple task, as Al Davis is older than your dad, older than your grandpa is, and probably richer than both combined.  Hating rich people is easy but a bonus is that he is also owns the team that you love to hate.  This guy is 80 years old, he must be on his last legs, and has run the team like a track meet.  Speed is the key, but does not win games.  Could also mention he looks like the grim reaper.

Number 2: Those last six years - The Raiders have been hideous the last six years.  Do not let Raider fans know that the last 10 years, they were in a Super Bowl, that they have more wins in the post-season than any other AFC West team...only fractured stats count!

Number 3: Mess up a name - With the players the Raiders have, if you cannot spell it, they must not be that good.  Asohumga?  Nmanidi?  Who?  Ekajagubja?

Didn’t that guy invent dog food?  If they try to correct you, just tell them it doesn't matter, and that he only had one interception last year.

Number Four: Those Super Bowl Wins are so long ago - Be sure to use this in a San Diego voice, with the valley girl inflection.  Like your team is so icky, you should just lose and die.  Those wins were as so long ago ... the Chargers are so great now, who wants a trophy?  We like don't need one!

Number Five: Deflect blame of bad seasons - Don't let Raiders fans know your team was worse than the Raiders, either on a single season, or for a decade ... all that matters is what is going on right now.

Number 6: All Raider Nation Fans are criminals - This is the only way they can get fans into the stadium to fill out those vacant seats.  Remember, at least 300 people are attacked every football game in Oakland ... it is a violent place and no one is safe!

Number 7: These are all facts - If ever questioned on where you get your data, claim some obscure, imported periodical from a third world country where you got your data. 

That way, not only will the article sound more official ... fellow fans of the Donkey’s, Bolts, or Chefs will then respect your ageless wisdom and intelligence.

Feel free to reproduce this article, pass it among the unenlightened.  Maybe the quality of articles will improve.

Or maybe not.