It's Time To Be Nauty Again: Have You Seen This Geek?

The F1 section of Bleacher Report is not exactly thriving.

Agreed?

We lack zest, spit and vinegar, reckless enthusiasm, silly humour, shameless self-promotion and many other things. We don't have enough articles that intrigue, stimulate, infuriate, and otherwise engage the reader.

In other words, we lack Ben Auty.

Ben has been AWOL for a long time, but I was reminded of him by this Auntie Sara article. Sure we have some good writers, but not enough, and I write that without disrespecting anyone but myself.

There is a vicious circle whereby a good article will attract good numbers of readers, and many will feel motivated to reply, thus attracting other comments, and ad (almost) infinitum. Site traffic increases, more writers join, Nirvana is within our grasp.

Ben Auty wrote that sort of golden article, rightly does Sara call him the Midas man.

10 Astounding Autyisms

1. The weight of 1 NASCAR Winston Cup Tyre is equivalent to the weight of 368 Human Eyeballs.
2. An F1 car is made up of over 80,000 individual parts, if the car is assembled 99.9 percent correctly it would still have 80 things wrong with it.
3. Thanks for your great comment Ben, I agree with you completely ! But of course I would ! Ha ha ha ... Muppet !(replying to one of his own comments)
4. Some say, that when training at the gym, instead of energy drinks, he chugs down diesel, and instead of a pedometer being attached to the waistband of his shorts, he has a speedometer, all we know is, that he’s called Ben Auty.
5. This just might be the greatest article you will ever read on Bleacher Report. Yes, it's true, even if I do say so myself.
6. NOTE TO READER—Prepare to be very freaked out by my findings.
7. Moving on, I am sure you all know how much of a McLaren fan I am. Not wanting to rub salt in the wound, but Ferrari, ha ha ha ha ha, good try boys. It was a comedy of errors for the boys in red again.
8. If you like what you have read then go back to the top of the page, present me with five stars and a lovely pick of the day award. If you don’t like it then feel free to leave me lots of negative comments (I am guessing that these will come from the Ferrari fans?)
9. The story starts with a Kiwi, no not the fruit, the people who are born in New Zealand.
10. Throw some answers at me, let’s kick off a big debate, lets score this article with lots of five out of five’s and shall we make it pick of the day? Yes, why not...

Goddam it Ben, wherever you are, and whatever you are doing, get yourself back here. Lewis is climbing up the grid, McLaren are coming back to crush the upstarts, soon it will be Ferrari-mocking time, and nobody ever did it like you.

Over and out, Duncan.

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I swear to hunt down and destroy any editor who changes my title.