MLS Crotch-Grabbing Incident Ends in Theatrics and a Yellow Card

Swatting another man’s rutabagas is a distinct breach of decorum.

It is a painful and indefensible act at best. It’s also not a big deal in the MLS. 

In one of the stranger, groin-centric incidents to occur in American soccer, New York Red Bulls defender Jamison Olave gave Real Salt Lake’s Olmes Garcia a slap on the tenderloin during their Wednesday night matchup.

The Big Lead’s Mike Cardillo caught scent of the incident, which ended in Garcia grabbing his groin and executing a barrel roll toward the penalty area.

Here are Vines of the tap, courtesy TSN’s Aaron Ward and @TylerGibbons:

It was a dumb, embarrassing scene on all fronts, and it ended in Garcia receiving a yellow card for flopping.

I repeat: The guy who was backhanded in the brisket got in trouble.

Did Garcia overact? Yes, he went down quicker than a sweet muffin.

In his defense, a man brazenly popped him in the pudding pouch, showing zero respect for the social contract (read the small print, dude-on-dude groin smacking is outlawed).

Cardillo writes that video evidence could help MLS officials bring Olave to justice:

“Logic would dictate in the age of video and GIFs (or GYFs!) that Olave will likely earn a retroactive suspension for his actions."

Flopping or not, intentional groin plunking cannot go unpunished.

Olave must answer for his deeds, MLS. The very fabric of society depends on it.

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