The Inevitable Ruining of Teen Wolf

In case you hadn’t seen it reported ad naseum around the web, MTV has officially announced plans to produce a series based on one of JSF’s most frequent topics - Teen Wolf.

I give MTV credit for at least trying.  If they were going to remake some cult movie from the 80’s into a regular television show, they could have done a lot worse than the one they chose.

But as much as the effort is appreciated, we already saw Jason Bateman try to screw up the Teen Wolf name by playing a boxing cousin to Michael J. Fox’s Scott Howard in “Too”.  We don’t need any more damage done - let’s just allow the movie to live out its legacy by being played 7 times a month on random channels like Fuse.

The head writer on the project is apparently a gentlemen by the name of Jeff Davis who is responsible for the show Criminal Minds, which, though I’ve never seen a minute of it, would not appear to have much in common with a gripping dramedy about a werewolf basketball savant who punks bullies and bones their chicks in the theatre.

Since apparently JoeSportsFan.com does not have enough clout to get this pending fiasco called off, the least we can do is offer up some advice to help Davis make it tolerable or even somewhat entertaining.  So Jeff, here are a few “script notes” from someone who has seen Teen Wolf more times than he would care to admit:###MORE###

-Make Coach Bobby Finstock a regular character.  And we don’t just mean a random person pretending to be Coach Finstock, we mean bring back the real Bobby Finstock.

-Since this is MTV after all, at least give some consideration to abandoning the original plot all together and instead casting CT from RR/RW Challenge as a loudmouthed Masshole that suddenly turns into a werewolf while trying to pick a fight with someone 120 pounds lighter than him during “The Duel 5″.  That’s good television right there.

-Please do what you can to make Boof at least somewhat hot. An 18 year old kid who just found out he’s a freaking werewolf at least deserves to have some quality slash chasing after him.

-Two words: Chubs. Cameo.

-Give Spencer Pratt from The Hills two months to grow out the flesh colored beard and then have him play the Teen Wolf’s douchebag cousin from LA.  Cross-promotion, baby.

-If arch rival Mick McAllister of the Dragons taught us one thing, it was that movies about high schools are more believeable when the guy playing the main bully is really 30 years old.  Use that information as you see fit.

-include at least one scene of the wolf blow drying his hair because for some reason that’s amusing to me.

-when in doubt, just refer to this.

Upon further research on IMDB.com, it appears that Jeff Davis’ task is monumentally larger than it first was assumed.  Under the “In Development” subheading on Davis’ page, it lists him as being involved in yet another massive undertaking - the live action adaptation of Voltron that is slated for 2011.

Just know this, Mr. Davis - if you should happen to taint both Teen Wolf and Voltron, me and my fellow 80’s nerds will never forgive you.

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