Are the 2009 Mets a Modern-Day Job Story?

God asks Satan his opinion on the Mets, apparently a truly pious team.   Satan answers that the Mets are only pious because they are somewhat prosperous.  In response to Satan's assertion, God gives Satan permission to destroy the Mets 2009 season. 

OK, we’ll start with their pitching, Satan says.  Hey, look at the Ollie Perez kid, he was just re-upped for $36 million by one of my most loyal minions, Scott Boras.  Man, let’s get him started off by having him give up more than a run per inning this year.  Yes, of course, we’ll give him the highest ERA among starting pitchers in the MLB.  Of course, cough; he’ll be injured for a while.  Funny how guys with an ERA near 10 all of a sudden have something wrong with their body.  Weird.  I digress, says Satan.

So, the next plan of attack, we’ll get Delgado out of their everyday lineup for 10-12 weeks, that should do the trick.  Just for good measure, we’ll get Church on the DL for a spell, as well.  Just for fun we’ll sprinkle in a little nagging injury from Beltran for a few weeks here and there.

A few weeks go by and Satan is frustrated.  The Mets are not out of contention yet and are hovering over .500 despite the setbacks.  OK, it’s time for me to rain fire on that bullpen. The Mets only made one major upgrade this offseason and it was their Achilles the last few seasons, the bullpen.  Perhaps if I smote Putz with some bone spurs and get him out of there then the wheels will fall off the bus.

Satan, while watching a reality show, gets a phone call from God.  Hey, those Mets are still hanging around so it looks like you’re losing.  In furious rage from the taunting of the big guy, Satan throws his double-beer koozie with ARod’s name inscribed on the brim of the cap across the room.  I will show those menacing Mets who they are messing with...

• Reyes, All-Star SS, goes out with a hamstring tear and right calf tendinitis

• Ramon Martinez, the backup SS/2B,  fractures his left pinkie finger

• John Maine, their #3 starter, goes on the DL with right shoulder fatigue

• Pagan goes on the DL with a strained groin

• Beltran was out for a few weeks with a bruised knee

• Perez has been out since May 3 and had an ERA of 10 when he did play

• Putz, elbow surgery out eight-to-10 weeks

Now, Satan, returns to his favorite reality show where George Steinbrenner only has 24 hours to figure out how to fit all of the cash owed to his players this season inside each players locker stall without it spilling over into the hallway using nothing but a shovel and $100 dollar bills. 

Then an announcement flashes on the TV screen and it shows the Mets actually gaining ground in the East despite all of their calamities and inability to win consistently, of late.  Satan caught that update out of the corner of his eye so who knows how he'll respond to this most recent revelation.

Let’s just hope Mets fans don’t have to curse the day they were born when it’s all said and done.