Nothing Gets by the USA Network

This past Monday night, Vince McMahon revealed that he ’sold’ Monday Night Raw to Donald Trump. In the real world, this would cause quite a dilemma for WWE shareholders. But since the wrestling world operates however it wants, all is well. Only an idiot would think The Donald really purchased WWE’s flagship television program, right?

In case I’m wrong, the USA Network wanted to clear the air for those confused souls.

USA Network Statement Re: WWE Monday Night RAW

NEW YORK, June 18 /PRNewswire/ — “USA Network and WWE issued a press release on June 16 that referred to Monday Night RAW’s storyline of a ’sale’ of WWE’s RAW to Donald Trump. We intended the release to be promotional for that ongoing story arc on the series. There is no such actual ’sale’. We apologize for any confusion.”

Characters Welcome.

Yes, characters welcome - and encouraged to be moronic.

Mister Injury … INJURY …

Ladies and gentlemen, Ken Kennedy a/k/a Mr. Kennedy … KENNEDY … rode a wave of charisma and hype when he entered WWE in 2005. However, injuries and an incident with illegal drug pharmacies derailed his momentum and he wound up unemployed after his release last month. It should be noted the release took place just days after his return from a previous injury. During said return, Ken was said to have hurt his wrist.

That’s not important, though, because Ken Kennedy makes his inaugural appearance on these hallowed pages for his personal response to the “injury-prone” label he attained along the way. Courtesy of his Web site:

“If I take a sledgehammer and SMASH you in the side of the head and you get hurt very badly, does that make you “injury prone”?

If I cut off your arm with a samurai sword, and you have to have it reattached (causing you to miss several months of work) are you also then to be considered…”injury prone”?

So far, so good. Have to love where this is going. But wait, there’s more! ###MORE###

“Well let’s say that you’re in a match in Italy standing on the apron during a ten man tag match, and a guy is supposed to come over and give you a little forearm which will cause you to drop to the floor, but INSTEAD, he decides to drop kick your ass into the 20th row, he virtually leg presses you off the apron, and you have a “Matrix” like moment in your head where you see yourself flying backwards through the air.”

The 20th Row!?!?!?!? Kenny, Kenny, Kenny …

Let’s say that you’re having a match with a guy who’s just supposed to give you a lil’ old schoolboy to end the match. Just a nice and easy rollup for the finish. In fact the night before he hit you with his finish and the crowd didn’t really react as strongly as you would have liked it to, so the agent (or producer) who’s in charge of your match that night has told your opponent specifically NOT to hit his finish … So as you’re waiting for this nice little easy rollup for the finish, the guy leaps into the air, hooks your head tight, causing your right arm to get caught between your two bodies, and drives you chest first into the mat. You go from standing to laying on your stomach with your arm stretched across your chest and your shoulder pops out of it’s socket, tearing that muscle about 60% away from the bone. Now again, would an event such as this make you……”injury prone”?

Um, I don’t know, Ken. But is that to say it’s similar to having your arm sliced off with a sword?

This is just one reason pro wrestling is entertaining, people. Mr. Kennedy is the wrestling version of the media’s king of hypothetical hyperbole, Skip Bayless.

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