Andy Murray's Pre-Wimbledon Press Conference in London (Humor)

Fresh after his victory at the Stella Artois Tournament, Andy Murray parked his large trophy on the desk and met with the British press. Here is what transpired:

Reporter 1: Thank you, and congratulations Andy on your victory this week. I have a question. When you win Wimbledon, will you cherish that smaller trophy compared to the big-a** one that is sitting beside you?

Andy Murray: Ahh...well it is not a certainty that I am going to win Wimbledon. We have not even started yet! I am feeling good physically and I hope to go far in the tournament, but...

Reporter 1: What is the matter? You don't think you can do it? We believe in you, so why can't you? Positive thinking, mate!

Andy Murray: Of course I think I can do it. All I am saying is let's see how it all plays out. And, do NOT call me your mate, mate!

Reporter 2: Andy, how long do you think it will take you to replace Roger Federer as the GOAT?

Andy Murray: Whaaaa...where did that come from?

Reporter 2: Well, you are going to win Wimbledon and the US Open this year, and probably the Australian Open.

That will bring you to three. If you do that over the course of five or six years, you will surpass Federer. You are only 21 now, so you could be Roger's age when you break his Grand Slam titles record.

Andy Murray: Ummm...could you just...let me...Oh, I don't know...win one first?

Reporter 2: You know, I am mistaken, because silly me, I did not calculate that you will be getting better on clay. So you should be twenty-five or twenty-six to overtake Federer. We have to count at least two or three...four...four French Opens along the way.

Andy Murray: Would you like a cheeseburger and a shake with that too?

Reporter 2: You know I am feeling a bit peckish. Better get that for me now before you get the other stuff done.

Andy Murray: NEXT QUESTION PLEASE!

Reporter 3: Hi Andy. I have heard that you are dating a young English girl. How is that going?

Andy Murray: Kim is doing very well and we are both very happy.

Reporter 3: I just want to say Andy that as an English reporter, I think you are doing a wonderful thing to bond the English and the Scottish together.

Andy Murray: Uh...that is not why I am dating her...

Reporter 3: Although, you know if you wanted to date a girl for a good cause, you might have chosen to go out with a North Korean girl or an Iranian girl. Oh, I know. You should date a Taliban girl so we could get Britain out of Afghanistan.

Andy Murray: You are mad! I am dating Kim because I like being with her and not because I have a mission to unite the English and the Scots.

Reporter 3: What's wrong with the English then?

Andy Murray: The English...nothing. The English press? That is a completely different story.

Reporter 4: Hi there Mr. Murray. I was wondering if you will be gracious in your speech towards Roger Federer when you bagel him in the Wimbledon finals. Straight sets...YES!
Andy Murray: There is NO way of knowing whether that could ever happen.

Reporter 4: I apologize Mr. Murray. We should never assume these things. Speculating makes us very shoddy reporters indeed. I mean, we cannot be sure that Roger Federer would even make the finals before you whip him!

Andy Murray: That is not what I...Are there any intelligent questions out there?

Reporter 5: I would like to know if you see yourself playing any other sport by the age of 30.

Andy Murray: I have put so much into tennis. That is what I do. I really cannot see myself doing anything else.

Reporter 5: I ask that question because when you win every single tournament between now and at the age of 30, you might feel like a little change.

I am sure England can use a good striker for their national team. Of course after three world cups, you’d probably consider retiring and doing something else, like golf. You would still have plenty of time to break Jack Nicklaus’ and Tiger Woods' records.

All the reporters rise and give Andy Murray a rousing 10-minute standing ovation.

Andy Murray gets up and leaves. He walks out with his eyes fixed on the ceiling with a mixture of frustration and rage.

Andy Murray: I f***ing hate Wimbledon!