HTR Exclusive: Interview with Wrestling's Dr. Fix It

If you're not familiar with tonight's guest, you might want to check his background a bit before reading on.

Dr. Fix, Bobby Buttons has been solving problems for wrestling promoters, wrestlers and fans for decades. He took time out of his busy schedule to chat with your boys from Hit The Ropes Radio.

Daris: First of all, I like to thank you for dropping by today. I know you're very busy, espec...

Dr. Fix It: Oh, yes. Very very busy. I'm practically in crisis management mode. Then again, when am I not? I mean that's what I do right? Well I'm just saying.

(Shane burst out laughing)

Daris: Definitely, definitely.

Demetrus: Well, Dr. Fix it, you say you're in crisis management mode. Can you tell us a little bit what you're working with currently? Or is it top secret?

Dr. Fix It: No, no, it's not top secret. I'm not really a doctor, that's just what they call me. No doctor-patient privileges here. I mean, I do respect my client's privacy, so of course I wouldn't disrespect that. So with that being said...what was the question again?

Shane: He asked what are you working on right now.

Dr. Fix It: Ah, yes. Well the whole WWE Universe is imploding right now. Vincent is in pure panic mode, and for what? Nobody really knows why. Here's a story I can share.

So I'm sitting with my feet on my desk one Friday, proud because I just convinced Vincent that putting all the belts on the returning Triple H would be bad for business. So with a smile on I'm relaxing as I relive the process when all of a sudden Shane, McMahon not Howard, burst through my door.

Daris: Dang. No knock, no nothing? What if you were in there with a patient?

Dr. Fix It: I'm not a doctor, I have clients not patients. Stick with me kid. Anyways, Shane burst through the door in complete panic mode. "You got to do something. Pops is in complete panic mode." He whinnied.

So I calmly respond, "What seems to be the problem?"

Shane was beginning to sweat as he was hopping back and forth swinging his arm. "It's Dad man, he lost it...again. He just switched all the titles two months ago, and he did it again last Sunday. We can't control him. He's turning all red, squinting his eyes and has veins popping out all over the place. At this rate the titles will be changing every night. What do we do?"

[Silence]

Shane: Hello? Dr. Fix It? Are you there?

Daris: [mumbling] Yeah, I think I accidentally dropped him.

Uh, Dr. Fix It, we're having technical difficulty right now. If you call right back, we'll put you through.

Demetrus: Man, just when it was getting good. I want to know what happened. I don't know what's up, but I know one thing, Shane needs to calm down with all that hopping and skipping, before he passes out.

Shane: I know, I always thought he might twist an ankle with all that skipping about. It's called Ritalin people.

Daris: Alright guys, we've got Dr. Fix It, Bobby Buttons, back on the line. Doctor, sorry about that.

Dr. Fix It: No problem, I'm sure it's hard not to reach over and click the button that says "hang up." Don't worry, I had this problem all the time when Superfly [Jimmy Snuka] was running the switchboard for Tuesday Night Titans.

Any-who. I finally get Shane to sit down and calmly point out this, "Your problem is no problem at all. All you've got to convince Vincent to do is that he can outsmart the marks by not outsmarting the marks."

[Daris interrupts] What do you mean by that?

Dr. Fix It: As I was saying! You do everything for a couple weeks that they'd expect, but since they're thinking you''re going to try and outsmart them, they won't see the obvious. So here's what you do:

Starting this Monday at the three-hour Raw. Don't go bonkers, keep it simple.

Christian vs. Dreamer, Dreamer retains. Maybe a bump in with Edge where they wish each other luck on their title matches before hand. Fans will expect that, and love that.

[Shane gets up out of his chair.]

With the SmackDown! championship, you put Punk vs. Edge as Edge invokes his rematch clause. Punk goes over when Jeff Hardy runs in and attacks Punk. Fans get excited that the weird guy with the crazy face paint comes out, and Punk comes off all heelish and squirmish when he runs away.

[Shane begins to swing his right arm back and forth.]

As for the Raw title, we've got a doozy here don't we. Ya'll should just call this "when ego's collide." Alright, here's the finish. Cena clotheslines Big Show, both go over the top rope onto the floor. Orton, who was watching them, turns around and gets hit with the pedigree. Half the crowd goes nuts, the other begin leaving the building.

But Cena grabs Hunter's foot just before the three, pulls him up and hits him with the FU/Attitude Adjustment/Please Be Nicer/Go Sit In The Corner/Death Valley driver thing. Fans leaving run back to their seats, while half that stayed jump up and run out the building.

[Shane back to his full skip now with a huge smile on his face.]

And as soon as Cena pops up to throw those weird signs and to salute, Orton pops up and RKOs him for the 1-2-3. Orton becomes the new champ and everyone says I told you so, even though they had money on everyone but the Big Show. [To HTR] I'm not sure what Big Show's even doing in the match, but whatever.

[Shane hopping back and forth so fast he passes out and has to be revived moments later.]

Daris: Wow, that's a whole lot going on. I could barely keep up with it all.

Shane: Coming from the self-proclaimed Mr. Wikipedia, I'm surprised there's something you admit you can't do.

Daris:  Hey, Demetrus came up with the name, not me. Just like he named you the Carribean Playboy, our fans Hit the Maniacs and Hit the Ropians, he named me Mr. Wikipedia. He just likes naming things.

Demetrus: Anyway guys. I'm sure Dr. Fix It doesn't have all day to listen to you debate who gave who what name.

Dr. Fix It: Of course not, well not for free anyways. Ha, ha, ha. No seriously. Call me tomorrow and I'll have your fans named in no time. Who do you think came up with WWE Universe and TNA Nation?

Daris: We'll definitely do that, but before we let you go, do you have any advice for any current wrestling superstars?

Dr. Fix It: Uh, I don't usually do pro bono...ah what the heck.

Miz—Throw away the bedazzler.

Cena—Every time someone grabs a mic, they aren't necessarily addressing you, so stop popping in every segment.

Booker T—Quit popping out your eyes. It doesn't make you a great actor, unless you're looking to do bad horror flicks.

Orton—There are babies drying up and turning to dust. Stop stealing all the oil.

Demetrus: I said that exact same thing on this show about a month ago.

Dr. Fix It: Alrighty, good for you.

Rey—Cross the Line. You'll have matches that'll take you from Hall of Famer to legend.

Shane Douglas—Cross the Line the other way. Preferably to Gold's Gym or Omni Fitness.

HTR—Keep up the good work.

Daris: Well Dr. Fix it. We like to thank you for coming on. It's been a pleasure.

Dr. Fix It: Thank you guys, and don't forget to call me about the whole naming thing.

Demetrus: Ooh, what Hit the Ropetopia? Like universe...

Shane: Stop.

Dr. Fix It: Like I said fellas, call me.

Shane: We will, thanks for coming on.

Check out our RELAUNCHED site Hit The Ropes. And join us WED. and call in on our special guest will be a member of Ring of Honor. We'll let you know who sometime over the weekend or early next week.