Saints Fans: 10 Things To Be Miserable About

On November 1st 1970, the New Orleans Saints celebrated their fourth birthday with a half-time reenactment of the Battle of New Orleans. One of the cannons backfired, seriously injuring four participants. One of the actor-soldiers lost three fingers.

Later that year, Charlton Heston broke three ribs while filming the movie Number One, the story of an aging Saints quarterback who could not bring himself to quit. Heston found driving a chariot in Ben Hur was easier than quarterbacking the Saints in a movie.

Unfortunately, it was a harbinger of things to come.

An astronaut with no football experience as GM/Vice President. Hall of Famers past their primes. Squandered first round draft picks. Players arrested on Bourbon Street in those early years while defying New Orleans' finest in front of those Houses of Ill Repute.

"Come on...no gun can kill me."

Two playoff wins in 40 years. One of only five teams never to play in a Super Bowl.

Fr. Tony, pastor at Our Lady of Hopeless Cases, a small chapel on the edge of the French Quarter, said the other day that God often gives the biggest share of his Cross to his friends.

Saints' fans wish he wasn't so chummy with them.

Top 10 Reasons To Be Miserable if You Are a Saints' Fan

1) Some of those glossy preseason preview magazines are hitting store shelves saying things like, "the Saints appear to be poised for a great year." This is always a bad sign and a reason to lapse into major depression. When are those magazines ever right?

2) Jeremy Shockey passed out by the pool in Las Vegas last week. Shockey was not on the receiving end of any of Brees' 34 TD passes last year. There have been rumblings that his teammates don't like him very much. The Saints gave up two draft choices for a TE that the New York Giants managed to win a Super Bowl without.

3) Reggie Bush is overrated. The second selection overall in the 2006 NFL draft may not be the best running back on the Saints roster. He can't run between the tackles. He's injury prone. Bush will never be what Deuce McAllister was in his prime.

4) New coordinator Gregg Williams' defense places a premium on a heavy pass rush by the defensive ends. Starters Will Smith and Charles Grant will miss the first four games after being suspended by the league.

5) The team wasted two All-Pro seasons by Drew Brees by failing to make the playoffs in 2007 and 2008. Brees passed for more than 5,000 yards last season, and the Saints were home for the holidays. Life just isn't fair.

6) Robert Meachem, a No. 1 pick three years ago, is still not one of the team's two best receivers. He ranks fourth behind Marques Colston, Lance Moore (a free agent) and Devery Henderson.

7) If Brees gets injured, the alternatives are AARP member Mark Brunell and Detroit Lions' reject Joey Harrington.

8) Wake Forest star and fourth-round draft pick LB Stanley Arnoux was lost for the season in his first workout with the team at a position where the Saints are badly in need of an infusion of youth.

9) The team used one of only four draft choices on a punter, Thomas Morstead (Who does that?). The move was especially perplexing considering everyone is general agreement that Glenn Pakulak significantly upgraded the position one year ago. Well, who the hell knows?

10) SI.com predicts that the Saints will be one of six new playoff teams. Again, another kiss of death and another reason for misery and depression.

Welcome to my misery.