Jonathan Papelbon Scares Us

We spoke earlier this week of Cardinals closer Ryan Franklin’s new chin hair experiment and how it’s customary for closers in baseball to create some sort of personality or physical trait to compliment their heightened role in the bullpen. 

Boston’s Jonathan Papelbon has, to our knowledge, never gone the facial hair route and, while he’s gone with the mohawk as an attention-grabber in the past, it’s become clear these days that Papelbon’s unique personality trait as a closer is pretty simplistic - he’s a freaking lunatic. 

We have no evidence of such a claim other than to post the following:

If you created a Fathead sticker out of this picture and slapped it up on the wall of a haunted house, the ghosts would be scared shitless. 

May 13

1958 - Stan Musial smacks hit #3000 off of Cubs pitcher Moe Drabowsky.   Cardinals fans consider creating a t-shirt that says “Moe Drabowsky mows my lawn” but hold off due to the potential controversy it may cause on local blogs.

1978 - Barry Zito is born in Las Vegas, NV.  Just moments after he is placed in the nursery, he serenades the other babies with an acoustic guitar performance of Puff the Magic Dragon. 

1993 - George Brett hits his 300th homerun.  The ball happened to be picked up by a blind fan who was at the game as part of a veteran’s hospital outing.  No, it wasn’t Don Denkinger.###MORE###

Tim Floyd/Harrison Ford

Given the recent news that Floyd paid off O.J. Mayo, one could surmise that “Rev.” Samuel Gerard will interrogate Floyd in a sewer overlooking a water fall in Illinois. It would be more entertaining than ESPN First Take, anyway.

Did you know Tim McCarver is chatting with fans online at Foxsports.com tomorrow!?!?!? He is; it’s true. That alone should provide ample entertainment, but it might not bring as big a grin to your face as the following two questions from a fan. We did not docter any of this commentary, by the way.

Mr. Mccarver My name is ren felson as you probably know I am very active in Fox sports MLB and Other commentary sites.

I pplayed in bluefield with Eddie Murray in 75 never past sigle A -ball but grew up working for the Orioles and watching earl Weaver .

My question Is shouldn’t all these players that have been found that they cheated like Ramirez , giambi ,petite , tejada wouldnt you say they should be banned . I know there union laws and by the way I have spoken and I am friends with commissioner Bud selig I think hes done a remarkable job in inplimemting a topugh drug testing program .

what’s your take ?

Another thing I am 54 and in pursuit of Manging in the Minors this year and reaching the Majors whats your take on that ?

I am an old fan I saw you when you catch the world series and gibson against the tigers you could hit .

thanks for your time and answer to these 2 questions . I come from the earl weaver school of life . Ren Felson

Well, Ren, we can’t speak for Tim McCarver, but we really hope you were typing that via cell phone text messaging. If not, the odds of you getting a managerial job aren’t good — but the odds of buddying up with Tim McCarver are excellent.

The Media Circus devotes time to the double talk of Roger Goodell and the eternal humor created by members of the Detroit Lions organization.

A little bit after your late morning lunch, Dr. Aaron provides some context to three recent events in the sports landscape which demonstrate how dumb people are who don’t admit fault or guilt. Looking at you, Rocket. Scumbag. Normally Dr. Aaron is all fun and games, but this is a necessary read for anyone who accepts rational thinking.