I Admit It: I Have Cheated Bleacher Report (Humor)

Tab BamfordSenior Writer IMay 13, 2009

WASHINGTON - FEBRUARY 13: Major League Baseball pitcher Roger Clemens (R), Charlie Scheeler, investigator on former Sen. George Mitchell's staff (C) and and former Major League Baseball strength and conditioning coach Brian McNamee (L) raise their right hands as they are sworn in to testify about allegations of steroid use by professional ball palyers before the U.S. House Oversight and Government Reform Committee on Capitol Hill Feburary 13, 2008 in Washington, DC. The 'Mitchell Report' named several former and current major league baseball players, including Clemens, who are accused of using steriods or other performance-enhancing drugs.  (Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images)

I am sorry.

I wanted to come to this community as soon as I found out the news was going to be released to let my fans and respected colleagues know some tough circumstances I am dealing with now.

I, Tab Bamford, have cheated Bleacher Report by using performance-enhancing substances.

While the Bleacher Report community might not have any rules that lead to a suspension or loss of writing privileges, I thought it was the right thing to do to come clean now, before this becomes a bigger deal.

Over the course of my nine months of membership to this wonderful site, I have attended dozens of sporting events for pleasure and to be an active participant. While at these events, I may (or may not) have consumed some substances (mainly alcohol and cold nachos) that may have effected my evaluation of that event.

Furthermore, while I am at home putting my reaction to events into words, there have been times that I may have relied heavily on some substances to aid my clarity of thought and speed up my typing ability (largely caffeine and, again, some alcohol).

My legal counsel (and two-year old son) has advised me that beer, cigars, cold nachos, and Coca Cola (sometimes Dr. Pepper) were not on the list of banned substances when I consumed them to aid my performance on this site, so there should not be any penalties assessed.

Secondly, I did not know that mixing good Dominican cigars with cheap, warm American beer would lead to the effect it has on my writing. My intention in consuming these substances was purely recreational; I did not mean to improve my writing in any way by taking this "cocktail" of substances.

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Thirdly, I use caffeine on a daily basis. My doctor (or boss, who wants me awake when I arrive) told me that using caffeine would help me get back into the game faster. That's the only reason I use it. I just want to stay in the game, and some times it takes a little more than others to come back as well as fast. It's a medically prescribed usage, so that's ok, right?

In conclusion, I again apologize for not coming forward with this information sooner. It was a poor lapse in judgement that, hopefully, won't effect my performance moving forward or the perception my fans have of me. I'm clean now, and plan on being that way moving forward (until I stop for coffee tomorrow morning).