Left Turn Louie: Talladega - Records Shall Fall?

Some hard-core NASCAR fans accuse me of disrespecting NASCAR. They say I make fun of it. However, I don’t diss NASCAR. I’m just the kind of guy who finds certain elements of sports to be funny and I point them out.

You see, there’s so much REAL funny stuff in sports that I don’t have to make anything up. Well, I do make SOME things up, but my point is it isn’t necessary for a good ROTFLYAO (or laugh for those who don't speak internet).

Next week at Talladega, several participants will attempt to break some records. To wit…

Fifteen drivers not only will race on Sunday in the Aaron’s 499, but also on Saturday in the Nationwide race. Okay. No big deal since drivers double-dip all the time. However, at Talladega, winning both races has seldom been done. Just three times has a driver won both of these races on the same weekend: Ernie Irvin, 1992; Dale Earnhardt, 1993; and Dale, Jr, 2003.

So, this weekend, these “double-dippers” will try to break that record. You’re now of course saying, ”Louie…you wild & crazy guy. What’s so funny about that?”

Well…NOTHING! But here comes the flat-out HILARIOUS record-attempt (and folks…I am NOT making this up).

Talladega Superspeedway wants to break ANOTHER record this weekend. I know. You’re thinking, “attendance”. When I first read the headline, I was thinking, “Most Sober Fans Ever To Attend a NASCAR Race”. WRONG and WRONG!

Talladega Superspeedway plans to ask about 125,000 people to do, “The Chicken Dance”!

Now, it didn’t take much research on my part to discover that, if successful, this…AHEM…”racing-related event” would nearly double the existing record of 72,000 set at a fair in Canfield, Ohio, in 1996. (Ohio was my third guess, right behind Mississippi and North Carolina).

Think about it…125,000 people, most of whom will have been drinking like fish for hours, flopping around like chickens…in unison! Tell ya what; If this is a ploy by NASCAR to attract viewers away from the NFL Draft, they got me…well…in between draft rounds. I wouldn’t miss this for all the RC Cola and fried chicken in the world!

Now, THAT is funny enough already. However, the record attempt is being sponsored by KFC. No surprise or really extra funny stuff, in and of itself, there. The problem (and additional hilarity) is that the animal rights advocacy group, “People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals” has a problem with the event.

PETA said it will ask the folks with the Guinness Book of World Records not to certify the record because of its issues with how KFC treats chickens. WHAT?…WHAT?

First, what the heck does a dance have to do with the treatment of chickens? When I was a teenager, we did a dance called “the dog” (yes, I’m dating myself and yes “the dog” was x-rated). But we all liked dogs and I’m not aware of anyone mistreating any dogs because of that dance.

We did, however, get in a lot of trouble for doing that dance at my high school prom.

Secondly and most importantly—How the heck does KFC mistreat chickens? They kill’em and fry’em (pursuant to the “F” in “KFC”)! That’s why God put chickens on Earth. I mean what ELSE are chickens good for besides roasting, baking, fricaseeing (no self-respecting NASCAR fans would do/eat that though) and barbequing.

What does PETA want KFC to do with chickens? MARRY’EM?

Well…they do in Arkansas, but that’s a subject for another article.

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