The Shakedown: Best Hair & Mustache Combo (Contestant #4)

Welcome back to The Shakedown!

We enter the final week of our latest “Monthly Mustache Shakedown” with a look at the “Best Hair & Mustache Combo.” And speaking of mouth curtains, be sure to take the American Mustache Institute’s poll on the perception of men with mustaches.

Your participation is highly appreciated and will be used by the Institute’s cutting-edge research department to petition the federal government for tax breaks for people of Mustached American descent.

But I digress.  Here’s the breakdown, thus far, for this month’s illustrious competition.

Week 1 - Randy Johnson
Week 2 - Oscar Gamble
Week 3 - Ravishing Rick Rude

To wrap things up……drum roll please……..we bring you former Charlotte Bobcat and current Los Angeles Lakers bench matron Adam Morrison.

Casual supporters of the Mustached American lifestyle might suggest that Morrison, his wispy upper lip protector, and his raspy locks of mullety goodness do not deserve to be in the same conversation with Johnson, Gamble, and Rude.

But we here at JoeSportsFan disagree.

To cite directly from the American Mustache Institute bylaws as written by historian Dr. Daniel T. Callahan based on his interpretation of verses from Leviticus and lyrics from Curtis Mayfield’s song “Pusherman”:

“Those possessing bare, unvarnished lips may seek to frame differing styles of mustaches as ‘bad,’ ‘weak,’ ‘poor,’ or what have you. In fact, there is no such thing as a ‘bad’ mustache, but only varying shades of gray, and the universal truth that Dave Navarro sucks.”

On the court, although he will very likely win an NBA Championship this year without playing a playoff minute, Morrison’s brief NBA career has thus far been somewhat of a bust.

He can be added to the long list of poor player-personnel decisions made by the great Michael Jordan.

But surely his mullet and mouth brow have compensated for his lack of success on the court in endearing him to NBA fans through and through, and to a degree, saving face for Jordan during these dark days.

So with apologies to Drew Pearson, Ross Grimsley, the ref from “The Karate Kid,” Kyle Petty, Hulk Hogan, Pete Vukovich, Jake “The Snake” Roberts, the Pete Weber mullet years — these are the four we present to you, the JoeSportsFan loyal readers.

It is now your turn to vote on who has the coveted prize of having the “Best Hair & Mustache Combo,” and in the comments, please tell us who we missed and suggest what mustache category we should turn to for our next “Monthly Mustache Shakedown.”