Why 2009 Indian Premier League Bores and Sickens Me

The 2008 introductory season of the IPL was fun. It was vacation time and after going through all those huge, boulder-ish books for twelve non-stop months preparing for the university exams, a clean break was demanded.

And a clean break it was. The first match itself was a Bada Bing! And all throughout the season, the prognosticators kept on vacillating: from this team to that; on a regular basis at that.

But somewhere after the dazzling 2008 season, 2009 has disappointed me. Of course all the thrills and the spice is laced, but yet there is a huge void sort of a thing which makes me allergic to watching the matches live; and believe me so far, I haven't watched a single IPL match in spite of having a couple of favourite teams.

It can be argued that i may be a mental case and an oddity due to my aversion to "The IPL" and frankly at this stage i don't really care about it. Amidst all the stupid "DLF Maximums" and the so-called "Strategic Breaks," I have come to the conclusion that the IPL has nothing to show.

Lalit Modi devised the IPL on the likes of the EPL and I would suggest to Mr. Modi that he better go and ask any EPL fan whether he gets bored year in and year out because of the EPL. No, wait..he should go and ask whether the EPL organisers have a safety location planned in case the EPL gets shifted out of the country.

Call it a typical case of "Counting chickens before they hatch"; Mr. Modi goes on and on about the IPL without even realising that the national elections are supposed to be scheduled around the same time, and then later appeals to the Home Ministry to provide security for the players rather than the people who will be going to vote.

Mercifully, the Home Ministry had enough sense to identify priorities, and Mr. Modi was sent packing to England, then transferred to South Africa where finally it is running aided by some rain breaks.

Ah, rain breaks! Sehwag's Daredevil team had to bat for just six overs to win against Kings Punjab and that's a victory worth celebrating? "Awesome," I say! And if such is the exuberance post the win...why don't we just schedule all the matches to six over each and name it SA—S6—PL.

Next year, to aid global warming and other climatic changes twisting it to "Indian Fours Legion" would be advisable too!

And as if Mr. Modi has achieved a Nobel prize, he keeps on gloating and showing off his perfect white teeth to the Indian Media. These days, I can't watch any Indian news channel without tripping over an IPL update as if its the next best thing to happen in the country.

On and on...it goes giving me the idea to pull out the roots of my hair, [I have restrained so far because I will be the one who will go bald and Modi won't pay for my hair weaving experiment] gives me the sensation to retch and choke, not to mention cussing almost every official involved with the "Esteemed Premier League."

The TV channels, which sponsor the teams, also do their bit to aggravate me; them and their promotionals! I am sure I must have by-hearted a couple of ads subconsciously by this time, thanks to their ministrations.

Finally, not to mention the franchise owners; King Khan is nodding his head to whatever Buchanan says; Mallya as usual is acting the "Pompous brat"; Shilpa Shetty seems to be doing an extra bit to her "Big Brother" success, and Priety Zinta, by the looks of it, appears to be planning on which Punjab player to shower more hugs!

Is anyone concentrating on what suits the teams best, or is just purchasing a KP going to solve problems related to the entire team?

For the first time in my Indian cricket fan career, I have come to support Ponting's decision of not entering the IPL. God alone knows whether his reason was authentic or just a palming-off, but after this, I definitely owe him some respect without any grudges!