“Joe Sports Fan” on ESPN.com

To be perfectly honest, we’re not sure what the Bassmaster Classic is.  We’re assuming it’s something to do with fishing, but if that’s the case, why is some fisherman “less than” Tiger Woods?  No clue.

Frankly, we’ve got some studying to do because apparently we’re writing for ESPN now about this subject.  This graphic appeared at the bottom of their home page, and we couldn’t be more thrilled to join the Worldwide Leader.  However, no one told us about the new position. Weird. Oh well.

We’re going to run with it.

Apr. 20

1912—The first Major League game is played at Fenway Park and the home team defeats its most hated foe: the New York Highlanders. Every single player dressed like this.

1988—The Orioles set a Major League record for consecutive losses to start the season with 14. The Cubs would tie that mark in 1997, but no one cared because Baltimore would go on to lose seven more before winning one, proving the Cubs can’t even win at losing.

1992-2009—Ricky Williams gets high.

In February 2005, your friend Patrick Imig described, in detail, the diary of the hardcore St. Louis Blues fan, appropriately named “Bloosiers.” Hockey fans are an odd specimen, especially when their home team can’t win in the playoffs.

Mar. 31, 1991

To end the regular season, the Blues beat up on the North Stars and finished with their best record ever. With Scott Stevens, Hull & Oates and Glen Featherstone, we’re jacked for the Stanley Cup.

Frank and I recently swindled some money from some girl scouts and purchased us jerseys of the Cavillini brothers. I chose to be Gino because it rhymes with Dino and Dino is my nickname. My jersey looks so sweet with my new stone washed jean shorts.

May 1, 1991

Harold Snepts is retiring. I’m growing a giant mustache is honor of Sneptsy.

Check out the full column here.

You should (get on your knees) because (the producer) said so:

“Alright, I need Eric and Orestes over on the mock field for the next segment. Orestes, I want you to stand in the batters box and hold this ball.  Eric, you stand a few inches behind him."

"Even though both of you are in suits, I need you guys need to grab your glove for this segment so that the people watching are 100 percent clear that you guys are explaining a baseball clip."

"Oh and Eric, I need you to get on your knees in front of Orestes."

"We’re on in 5…4…3…2…”

Patrick Imig dispenses another pack of worthless baseball cards. Players appearing include Frank Williams, Luis Aponte, and Broderick Perkins. With those three, JoeSportsFan meets several of its diversity guidelines.