Ten Fearless and Bonehead Predictions for the 2009 NFL Draft

I was sitting around bored, and I started thinking, did last season seem weird to anyone else? It wasn't boring, just "off."

So, with the fantastical 0-16 Lions picking first and everyone thinking that their mock draft is right, I am passing along to everyone my absolutely ridiculous, but will probably happen predictions for the draft. They get more believable further down. 

10. Matthew Stafford Won't Be No. 1

Why? The Lions have Daunte Culpepper for this year, Jim Schwartz needs to upgrade his trenches first, and next year has a better crop of QBs.

And, well, everyone else thinks he's going first. He will probably be No. 1, but you never know.

9. Mark Sanchez Gets Drafted By Denver

Yep, Josh McDaniels has a moment of clarity and realizes that Jay Cutler was better than Matt Cassel and that he should have been the big boy and put his junk away first.

Instead, he drafts what he hopes to be his job saver.

8. Detroit Trades No. 20

They want more picks. More picks = more chances to get someone with talent. What do they have to lose?

7. Tennessee, Pittsburgh, Arizona, and New England All Draft QBs

No, not in the first or second, but day two will be interesting.

6. No One Drafts Sanchez in the First Round

Yes, it contradicts No. 9, but I think that it will happen before McDaniels gets a moment of clarity.

5. Pat White Goes in the Second

The guy is actually a good quarterback. Maybe he'll be good, maybe he won't, but a team like Miami or Carolina will give him a shot.

4. Josh Freeman Gets Picked Before Sanchez, but After Stafford

Freeman has size, skill, and experience behind a trash O-line.

He also has something that most USC QBs don't—experience with losing. That might seem a little trite, but look how hard Carson Palmer and Matt Leinart had to work behind mediocre O-lines.

Palmer got hurt and Leinart got benched. That sort of thing goes a long way.

3. The No. 1 Overall Gets a Deal Worth $80 Million

Yep—thanks Albert Haynesworth.

2. Some Crazy Fan Dressed in KC Chief Red Storms the Stage, Leveling Roger Goodell, and Wins a Contest

No, probably not, but damn that would be fun.

1. The Big News on Draft Day Won't be About the Draft, but About Pacman Jones Signing a One-Year, $600,000 Contract with the Browns or Some Other Lowly Team That Needs Help on Defense and Figures If They Are Going to Roll the Dice, Roll 'Em Hard

There is speculation that sometime around draft day, he will quietly sign a deal. I imagine that some team will give him a chance for the league minimum, especially if the rumors about his life being on the mend are true.